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Woman: "Oh, she was responding to my LiveJournal entry from the other day. I actually have three LiveJournals. One's my life journal, for updates on my regular life. The other is my angsty 'I hate the world' journal. And the third is the 'I'm smarter than everyone else' introspective journal."
Girl: (on cell) "Hi Chrissy, it's Jenny. Sorry I didn't call you back last night. I completely blacked out. I woke up with a party hat on and cigarette butt holes all over the place. I'm on my way to Taco Bell now, but give me a call later and let me know what's going on....."
Female Sales Rep: "So after talking to several people today i have come to the realization that guys are much nicer on the phone than women. They are also more likely to buy cable. I have had 31 male customers and 16 female customers. Why do you suppose that is?"
Male Supervior: "I think it's more that you're a girl and most guys pick up on that. And you sound 'nice' on the phone. See Audrey, men always have an alterior motive, whereas women unfortunately do not....mostly."
Angry Lady: (on cell) "I KNOW it's the last day for early voting, because you already emailed me. Twice. And you IMed me from work at least once a day. And you tell me every time we get together. It's getting to the point where I'm going to be not-voting as a protest against these constant reminders. Stop it, really. I know my civic duty and I'm going to do my civic duty, I'm proud that I can vote. And I know that if I don't vote, we'll get Bush 2.1 and I am too black, too Jewish, and too fucking gay to want him or Soccer Mom Pornstar trying to run my life. Please let it go. Jesus.''
Guy: "I called her when I was leaving my house, she said she was getting ready. I called her from my car, she said she just finished showering. I called her from 5 minutes from her house, she said everything was good. I get to her place and call her and she told me she wasn't going. Ain't that some shit?"
Girl: (on cell) "...And that's what kills me. Everytime she wants to talk she doesn't say anything and she gets drunk. And then she says she didn't say anything because she was drunk. Well where else are we supposed to talk, my place? Right. Her place. That makes sense. Where would we drink?"
Guy #1: "It's spiritual. It's a spiritual thing. You need to show them that. The only way to give them that deep hunger, that need for something to fill their belly, is to show them the way. You have to have an appearance."
Bar Guy #1: "You know. The craziest thing that could happen would be McCain gets elected, he dies, and then Palin becomes president just as some crazy national disaster hits. She has to mediate among terrorists, travel, and meet with all these world leaders, but she manages to diffuse the tensions by suggesting everyone comes to Alaska for a moose hunt or something. The good thing ends in a wave of good feeling and world wide accord. Crazy, eh?"
Bar Guy #2: "I think that's called 'Legally Blonde 3.'"
Guy: "There is absolutely no situation in which I can think it proper for me to view your junk in action. Jessica Alba could be spread eagle in front of us, and I would turn it down if it meant seeing you naked."
Guy: (on cell) "No, dear. I've got the phone on my shoulder, the papers in my left hand, and I'm trying to open my string cheese with my right hand. I have to hang up because the last thing I want to be known as is the dumbass who got hit by a bus because he couldn't open his food container."
Inspired Girl: "It's called 'The Secret.' It's the best book ever. It's like, whatever you put out into the world and focus on, you get back. It's supposed to help you get anything you want out of life!"
Friend: "I don't know if believe that."
Inspired Girl: "But Oprah talked about it on her show!"
Guy: (on cell) "So I had all this leftover basil after making regular pesto and decided to make creative pesto. So I added dried bananas chips, walnuts, nutmeg....No, it was crap. It looked like penguin poo...after the penguin ate a baby that ate banana chips, walnuts, nutmeg."
Guy: (on cell) "So should I call you later? Cool, what time? You're going to call me to tell me when I can call you? Why don't you just call me when I'm supposed to call you? So then I hang up and call you right back? But you already called me?! Fine. Just call me and we'll go from there."
Girl: "Well, after I get my bachelor's degree, I need to save up about $10,000. I'm going to move places, but not be a tourist. I'm going to live there. I want to go to New York first, then down to Massachusetts where Thoreau supposedly lived for a while. Then I'll head back to Illinois, so I can see the mountains. After that, I'll go to the northwest, except for Washington. Then California, Texas, and back to Chicago."