Saturday, May 31, 2008

Facebook, yay!

There is now a facebook group for fans of the site!

Overheard in Chicago Fans!

I'm on facebook now, as well, so feel free to add me to your buddy list!

Friday, May 30, 2008

If he's back, he better bring the perm back with him.

Basketball Fan #1: "Did you see the ESPN header? Doug Collins is back as the Bulls coach!"

Basketball Fan #2: "Are you kidding? That guy couldn't coach his way out of a paper box."

Basketball Fan #1: "Jordan wanted him coaching him when he played for the Wizards."

Basketball Fan #2: "Jordan was 87 years old at the time. He was senile. He didn't know what he wanted!"

- Amoco Building

-- Submitted by Bring In Avery

Great. My doctor is from there during that time period.

Older Guy: "Where you going to school?"

Younger Guy: "Well, I applied a bunch of places, but I want to stay local. I don't think I can get into Loyola."

Older Guy: "I finished school up in 1964. At that time, you could have gotten into Loyola if your body temperature was 10 degrees below 90 or you had 5 bucks in your pocket."

- Red line

-- Submitted by Chad

That's a no.

Guy #1: "You want a Taco?"

Guy #2: "You want to go to hell?"

- Chipotle, N. Michigan

-- Submitted by Jessica

Thursday, May 29, 2008

Must be a union guy.

Bum: "Hey Buddy. If someone takes my spot, kick their sign away from them. Then punch them. Then grab their money cup and give it to me. No takes my spot while I'm on break!"

- Outside of Union Station

-- Submitted by Crystal

Did someone answer?

Girl: (on cell) "Herpes! HERPES! Damn it. Hold on. (to train) Does anyone know how to say 'I have herpes' in Spanish."

- Green Line

-- Submitted by Lisa

Derrick Rose better be in red.

Guy #1: "If the Bulls take Michael Beasley, I'm having sex with John Paxson."

Guy #2: "What makes you think he would do you?"

- Red Line

-- Submitted by Gastro

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Aren't barristers lawyers?

Guy #1: "Dude. I make all the coffee here now. I'm the official barrister."

Guy #2: "Well, you fucked it up last time!"

Guy #1: "Whatever. You try being a barrister."

- 25 E. Washington

-- Submitted by tea drinker

You're going to be famished afterwards.

Guy: (on cell) "Just remember what I told you: No fuck, no food."

- Memorial Day Parade Route

-- Submitted by E-rae

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

What happened to high fives for gettin' some?

Guy #1: "I still can't believe I banged her last night."

Guy #2: "Dude. She sounded like a hyena or something. I had to put on music to drown out the sound and even then I could still hear her. I even had to wrap the pillow around my head a few times. it was driving me so crazy."

- Jake's Pub, Clark Street

-- Submitted by Sean


Guy #1: "Aside from taking it and blowing a guy, that was the gayest thing I've ever done."

Guy #2: "It's okay, because the first two were just experimentation, right?"

- Red Line

-- Submitted by Clay

Stay in character!

Bum: "Hello, me lads!"

Guy: "Whaddup, chump?"

Cum: "Are you fuckin' with me?"

- Roosevelt and Wabash

-- Submitted by Haynes

Friday, May 23, 2008

However, they'd make an interesting meal.

Woman: "Young man! Be careful. I'm scanning my foods, too!"

Guy: "Don't worry, lady. No ones going to steal your Zatarains and Red Baron pizza's."

- Jewel, Self Check, Skokie

-- Submitted by Mario

She is such a bean-ist.

Woman: "This is stupid. I hate beans."

- Millenium Park, The Bean

-- Submitted by Amy


Guy: "The Sox are like a hot chick. Once you get to know her parts, she's not so hot anymore."

- U.S. Cellular Field

-- Submitted by 5 of 9er

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Let's try the more positive outlook.

Guy #1: "So when are you going to that flight class?"

Guy #2: "Tomorrow. It's so cool. I'm literally going to fly a plane! Then again, I could be paying 150 dollars to die."

- Millenium Park

-- Submitted by Amy

Where, what time, and what should I bring?

Girl: "Yeah! You can eat mine and then I can eat yours and it'd be just like we're eating our own!"

- Roscoe Village

-- Submitted by Miito Pai

Maybe they could borrow yours. No. Wait.

Girl: "Fish don't feel pain. They don't have brains."

- Mexican Restaurant, South Burbs

-- Submitted by Z3T3

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Depends which store you got it at.

Girl: (on cell) "My bra is killing me. Did they make this damn thing with razors?"

- Red Line

-- Submitted by Rho


Guy: "What about that girl?"

Girl: "Her chin looks like it should have a hole in it. She's the definition of butt chin."

Guy: "So that's a no?"

Girl: "Jesus, Mike. If she went down on you, it could be considered anal."

- Columbia College

-- Submitted by Lenore

Well played.

White guy: "Is it hard being black?"

Black guy: "No, but it's black when it's hard."

- Loyola

-- Submitted by Ramblin' Man

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Wasn't that a South Park episode?

Man: "You need to close that file."

Woman: "Son of a...poop!"

- Downtown Office

-- Submitted by Dirty Mouth?

Must have been Hef's 'Space.

Guy: "I went to a Playboy party once. I don't want to talk about it though."

Girl: "Where'd you get your invite?"

Guy: "On myspace. Some chick was sending them out."


-- Submitted by Sparky

Congrats, congrats, congrats?

Law School Student: (on cell) "I'm pregnant, I'm pregnant, I'm pregnant."

- Loyola University

-- Submitted by A Hill

Monday, May 19, 2008

Party pooper.

Girl wearing all Celtics clothes: "YES! The Celtics are moving on! GO GREEN!"

Guy: "Do you even watch basketball? Who's the Celtics starting five?"

Girl W.A.C.C.: "Uh, Ray Allen, that Pierce guy, KJ, and one more guy."

Guy: "There are FIVE starters on a team. FIVE! KJ? That Pierce guy? Why don't you jump off the bandwagon."

Girl W.A.C.C.: "I'll jump off if I can land on your face."

- Rival's, Morton Grove

-- Submitted by Josephina

New Indy or Old Indy?

(Guy has small bag hung over his shoulder)

Guy #1: "Nice purse."

Guy #2: "Gimmie a break. At least it's an old army bag."

Guy #1: "Doesn't change the fact that you look like a fairy."

Guy #2: "This is the same bag Indiana Jones had. Would you call HIM a fairy?"

- Belmont L Stop

-- Submitted by Ben M.

I cried when he wouldn't stop with the shrimp.

Guy: "I totally cried during Forrest Gump when Bubba died. I'm man enough to admit that."

- Cubs Game

-- Submitted by Christine

Friday, May 16, 2008

Bring a bib.

Woman #1: "Oh! I got a text!"

Woman #2: "What does it say?"

Woman #1: "The American Government has announced a plan that, in 2009, all retards will be shipped away. When I thought of you, I started to cry. Be careful and wear a helmet."

- #6 Bus, Hyde Park

-- Submitted by Michael E

And guns. Don't forget the guns.

Guy: "...and I'm saying that's how we conquered the Indians! Because we were more civilized!"

- Blue Cross Blue Shield Building

-- Submitted by Busy Body

Is she British? (And there goes my fan base in England)

Girl: "Did you see her Facebook picture? It's not that bad, but she has, like, the worst smile in the whole world."

- DePaul

-- Submitted by Runner

Thursday, May 15, 2008

I'm the King.

Guy: "You are the court jester of parallel parking."

- Lincoln Park

-- Submitted by Niki

Not even close, lady.

(Asian teen group chatting in a different language)

Nosy lady: "Excuse me. Where are you from?"

Kid: "Korea."

Nosy lady: "Tokyo?"

- 151 Sheridan Bus

-- Submitted by AznGrl

You mean the smoothie, right?

Guy: (on cell) "I was down so he took me out for a milk shake. I got a boysenberry smoothie. I ended up pooping my guts out, but it was delicious."


-- Submitted by Tats

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

A bit harsh, no?

Guy #1: "Sounds like a Dane Cook bit."

Guy #2: "There's no way. I hate Dane Cook."

Guy #1: "So you wouldn't pay to see him?"

Guy #2: "Would he be in front of a firing squad? Would I be able to pull the trigger?"

- South Loop

-- Submitted by Suit

For realz.

Man: (to child throwing a tantrum) "I bet that makes you really mad, huh?"

Child: "Hell's yeah!"

- Union Station

-- Submitted by Anne Hedonia

...and maple syrup

Girl: "What'd you order?"

Guy: "Stuffed French Toast."

Girl: "What's it stuffed with?"

Guy: "Babies."

- IHOP, Halsted Street

-- Submitted by Thomas

Monday, May 12, 2008

Friday, May 09, 2008

So THAT'S what that snake was.

Girl: "He's married and he has a girlfriend. Yeah, it's not going to go anywhere. Sometimes you just have to hit it, you know. Forbidden fruit. With a penis."

- Red Line

-- Submitted by Tina

So, are you two dating or something?

Guy #1: "Anyone who wants some can come get a piece."

Guy #2: "How about you just break some off?"

Guy #1: "Yeeeeaaaaah."

- Bally's, Morton Grove

-- Submitted by Quentin

A little harsh on both sides.

Guy #1: "You leaving for the day?"

Guy #2: (screaming) "WHY THE HELL DO YOU CARE?"

Guy #1: "Because, I wanted to say have a good night. Now I hope you shit razor blades."

- Northside Architect's office.

-- Submitted by Clyde

Thursday, May 08, 2008

That's okay. They can see "earthquakebows."

Girl #1: "Look at that rainbow!"

Girl #2: "It's so awesome."

Girl #1: "Do you know that in California it never rains? Think about all the kids that will never see a rainbow."

- Buca di Beppo, Orland Park

-- Submitted by Allyson

Chubby or huge?

Woman #1: "I'll see you when you get back."

Woman #2: "Ok. I'm going to keep working out. I don't want to be all chubby when I walk down the street."

- South Loop Fitness Club

-- Submitted by Dave G.

How dirty?

Blonde: "...I'm serious. He looked exactly like you except his beard was a little bit more of a 'dirty blonde.'"

Guy: "You're a dirty blonde."

- Teacher's Lounge, Goebert Elementary School, Aurora

-- Submitted by Mark H.

Wednesday, May 07, 2008


For those of you who didn't catch it, I was on the radio talking about the site. You can check it out/listen to it at the link below:

Workable with a meat tenderizer.

Guy #1: "I think your best bet would be to tell her right away."

Guy #2: "But I still love her."

Guy #1: "No. You don't."

Guy #2: "Yeah. I do."

Guy #1: "Then why is it that you throw yourself at random poon on the street, sleep with any girl you can get, and constantly tell her she's not the one for you."

Guy #2: "So I guess I have a small issue, but it's definitely workable."

- Red Line

-- Submitted by Hobnob

Plese be talking about fire...

Girl: (on cell) "No, honey. It's completely normal if it burns a little. Just try not to alert the neighbors."

- Bucktown

-- Submitted by Smoes

With extra carbs.

Restaurant-Goer: "This would taste much better if I was eating it on Robert Atkin's grave."

- Chipotle, East Rogers Park

-- Submitted by Dominick C.

Tuesday, May 06, 2008

A little overexcited, are we?

Woman wrestling with vending machine: "Eat my dollar, bitch! EAT IT!"

- Cumberland Blue Line Stop

-- Submitted by Spinner

In a flattering kind of way.

Guy: "The dress she's wearing isn't flattering. It's more alluring."

- Lincoln Avenue Bar

-- Submitted by PMan

Hi, I'm Random

Lady: "Excuse me. Do you have any applications?"

Bartender: "Sure. Hey! Is that a Jeff Gordon jacket?"

- Maple Avenue Pub, Lisle, IL

-- Submitted by Jeff

Monday, May 05, 2008

At least they gave you 30 seconds to sober up.

Loudspeaker: "If you have a boarding pass, get to the gate. If you're not here in 30 seconds, we are shutting the doors and you are SOL. Enjoy your flight!"

- O'Hare - F Concourse

-- Submitted by Cara

How else is he going to pay for school?

Guy #1: "You working out today?"

Guy #2: "Yeah. But I'm tired."

Guy #1: "Maybe you should have gone to sleep last night instead of watching tranny porn."

Guy #2: "Maybe I was curious as to why you were in the movie?"

- UIC Dorms

-- Submitted by Classy

As long as you had a towel.

Girl: "He had spit all over his face, but he's so fucking gorgeous, I'd still have sex with him.

- Loyola University

-- Submitted by Kristy

Thursday, May 01, 2008

Yes. Busy eating.

Guy: "Jerry Springer is the speaker at the law school graduation."

Girl: "What the fuck? Was Mo'nique busy?"

- Northwestern University

-- Submitted by Ivan

Well played sir.

Man #1: "Pop Quiz: Superman fights Superman. Who wins?"

Man #2: "Easy, Superman. If he's fighting himself, he's obviously just looking in a mirror."

Man #1: "That's a cop out."

Man #2: "I'm just smarter than you. By a lot. Enough to make your stupid question valid."

- Red Line

-- Submitted by Craft

He loves his mama!

Woman: "...divorces, because then he can get them when they're most vulnerable. They're the only people in the world who need him. Except for maybe his mother."

- Elevator at Three First National Plaza

-- Submitted by Ames