Tuesday, December 30, 2008

That's a lot of alcohol!

Girl: "The only thing we're going to be doing is drinking. No boys. No stupid amateur night parties. Nothing. We're going to lock the door and drink until Carson Daly looks hot again. Got it?"

- Lincoln Park

-- Submitted by Allisa

Have a Happy, Healthy, and Safe New Year!!

I want her to really do it next time.

Girl: "Usually it's me who has the problem. So what's your deal?"

Guy: "I just wanted to be treated with respect. It's like you've decided that in order to like me, you have to take one of my balls away, while stomping on the other and laughing."

Girl: "So why are we together?"

Guy: "Because we're in love."

- U of C

-- Submitted by Sig

Starting off '09 right!

Guy: (on cell) "...because everytime we go out for New Years, I end up seeing you pantsless. Not this year, pal."

- Red Line

-- Submitted by Kalpesh

Monday, December 29, 2008

The hangover is gonna suck

Happy Drunk Man:"I'm a Genuine American Alcoholic! I've been drunk for...ten million years!"

- Michigan and Chicago

-- Submitted by Eric P.

Someone's in the Christmas spirit!

Girl #1: "If the flight was any worse, I think I would have gone crazy."

Girl #2: "Seriously. That plane ride was awful. And those kids. UGH!"

Girl #1: "Yeah. I would have beaten them, except I didn't want their yucky drool all over my shoes."

Girl #2: "That would have totally ruined Christmas break for us."

- O'hare

-- Submitted by Nadia

Easy enough. Here's a penny.

Guy: (on cell) "Well, there's two things you can get me. Cash and things I can return to the store for cash."

- Metra South Shore

-- Submitted by Cal

Monday, December 22, 2008

Someone has a case of the Monday's!

Man: "How's everything going?"

Woman: "It's super, god damn cold and I'm eating a fucking apple. How do you think it's going?"

- Merchandise Mart

-- Submitted by Isaiah

A positive spin.

Man: (on cell) "...At least with all the layoffs, the moening commute may get better. I mean, they'll be sleeping in, right?"

- West Loop

-- Submitted by Gloria

I think these two are going to make it.

Woman: (on cell) "Well, honey, of course I'd prefer that you didn't kill yourself. Especially not around the holidays."

- Michigan Ave outside the Apple store

-- Submitted by Franny

Friday, December 19, 2008

They get tired of the regular scenery

Girl #1: "Do you think the security guards are watching us?"

Girl 2: "The way we've been acting, I wouldn't be surprised if they had popcorn!"

- Field Museum

-- Submitted by Angel

Sounds like a....wait for it...hairy situation

Girl: "It's just frustrating that everytime I look up his nose, it looks like a sasquatch shed his fur in it. It's his only negative."

- Loyola

-- Submitted by Hate

Listen to your friend.

Guy: (on cell) "Well, if you're that worried about it, stop whacking off at the office!"

- Purple line

-- Submitted by Night

Thursday, December 18, 2008


Girl: "I need to get my nails done. Where's a cheap place around here?"

Guy: "My bedroom."

Girl: "I'm not falling for that one again!"

- Columbia

-- Submitted by Den

Better than a no?

Girl #1: "He totally asked me out. I was so excited, I didn't know what to say."

Girl #2: "That's so exciting. He's so cute."

Girl #1: "That's why I'm mad. I gave him a 'definite maybe.'"

- Maine West High School

-- Submitted by Janey

Doesn't it, though?

Guy: (on cell) "Just because I was checking out the men for men section, it doesn't mean anything."

- Red Line

-- Submitted by Brass

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Nothing says frills like Fruit Loops.

Girl: "I always thought you were the 'Fruit-Loop' kind."

Guy: "Huh. Well, no frills for me."

Girl: "That's good."

- University of Chicago

- Submitted by matt

Chop, chop?

Guy: (on cell) "How the hell am I supposed to bring my leg closer to my body when it's attached, dumbass?"

- Outside the Aon Building

-- Submitted by Howdy

Have the girl call me

Guy: "Given the choice between having sex with you and eating one of these, I would choose the brownie every time."

- Downtown

-- Submitted by I Agreed

Monday, December 15, 2008

She won't pay for the bypass.

(Watching the Biggest Loser)

Guy #1: "I love this show! The girl trainer is hot."

Guy #2: 'I'd almost consider gaining 100 lbs to have her whip me into shape."

- Waiting room at Northwestern Memorial

-- Submitted by Maria

So....the beach.

Girl: "I was in the Atlantic once; in the shallow end."

Guy: "There's a shallow end?"

Girl: "Yeah, it's the non-deep end."


-- Submitted by Chmp

Economic rule #1: Discipline.

(Young boy reaching for a soda)

Mom: "What are you doin'?"

Boy: "I'm just going to get a pop!"

Mom: "You better pop your ass back over to this line."

- Target, South side

-- Submitted by Joelle

Friday, December 12, 2008

I hope the speaker was standing.

Commuter: (on cell) "What's up? Nothing much, I'm just on the train and there's a man with a small child and no one will give him a seat and it's really pissing me off."


"Oh good! Someone gave him a seat 'cus they heard me shame them."

- Brown Line

-- Submitted by Steph

Where they sharpen hair?

Girl: (on cell) "Yeah. I'm on my way now. I'll call you when I'm done. I'm on my way to the Hair Cutlery."

- Damen Blue Line

-- Submitted by BigTab

Or you could switch schools.

Law Student #1: "I think that one of the best things about becoming pirates is the disgrace we will cause DePaul when we eventually get caught and tell our story."

Law Student #2: "We should probably leave copies of our diplomas on every person we shoot."

Law Student #1: "Done."

- 25 East Jackson

-- Submitted by Law Student

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

The important issues.

Girl: "You knew Blago was corrupt, right?"

Guy: "He is #4 out of the last 8 to have problems. It's not like his hair made him any more solid."

Girl: "Are you kidding? He uses more product than a Cher impersonator!"

- Roosevelt University

-- Submitted by #5

Tongue tied

Guy: "Sabathia signed and he's going to be the Yankers anchee. Er Yankers anchor. Forget it. He's rich. Fuck off."

- CNA Building

-- Submitted by Heath

What do you get in return?

Woman: (on cell) "Do you know what you're paying me? You're a bitch and 13 cents!"

- Michigan Ave

-- Submitted by Lazer

Tuesday, December 09, 2008

Here comes the fallout. Thanks Rod!

Guy: (on cell) "'In Rod we trust,' my ass. His name should be Ratan."

- Red Line

-- Submitted by E-Claire

TSA: We treat you like royalty!

(Guy tries walking through the metal detector while talking on his phone.)

TSA Guy #1: "Hold up! You can't go through here on that! (to the other inspector) Hey, do you see this guy! He tried to go through ON his phone!"

TSA Guy #2: "He still has his shoes on too! What kind of an idiot does that?''

TSA Guy #1: "This one! That's who!"

- O'Hare

-- Submitted by LN

You'll probably hit a cheek.

Thug: "I'm gonna beat yo' ass in the face!"

- #12 Roosevelt

-- Submitted by Elena

Friday, December 05, 2008

Attention: I'm going to become a mail carrier!

Boss: "The mail carrier is on vacation again!?"

Assistant: "I know"

Boss: "You know all they do is stay home and fuck each other."

- Office in Chicago

-- Submitted by Anonymous

He had to tell her for a reason, right?

Girl: "...and I'm afraid I'd lose him in the crowd."

Guy: "Why don't you get a tracker?"

Girl: "Like they do with seals and penguins?"

Guy: "Yeah. Except get one you don't have to shoot him with."

- Park Ridge

-- Submitted by Ben

Take blame? HA!

Guy: (on cell) "I have no control over your middle finger, Rob. So stop blaming me for your fights!"

- Green Line

-- Submitted by Janey

Thursday, December 04, 2008

I hate this guy. A lot.

Guy: "Think I should get playoff tickets?"

Girl: "Didn't you just ask me for grocery money?"

Guy: "Right. Because I can't take food money out of the fun funds."

- Metra Union Pacific West

-- Submitted by For Real?

Asked and answered.

Girl #1: "Ask him out. What's the worst he can say?"

Girl #2: "He can say 'Go out with a diseased whore who has daddy issues? Pass.'"

- Loyola Water Tower Campus

-- Submitted by Ramblin' Man

Either way, call back.

Guy: (on cell) "I'm walking under the 'L,' so if the phone goes silent I either lost signal or a train fell on my head."

- Roosevelt and State

-- Submitted byLucy

Wednesday, December 03, 2008

Which one makes you think people care?

Woman: "Oh, she was responding to my LiveJournal entry from the other day. I actually have three LiveJournals. One's my life journal, for updates on my regular life. The other is my angsty 'I hate the world' journal. And the third is the 'I'm smarter than everyone else' introspective journal."

- House of Noodles Sushi

-- Submitted by Sickboy

Wait 'til Monday.

Girl #1: "I have to go to work today."

Girl #2: "Why on the weekend?"

Girl #1: "I forgot to fire someone yesterday."

- 151 bus

-- Submitted by tj

Uh. 3.

Girl: "...and I don't even know how to go about getting a threesome together!"

Guy: "Well, how many people could we be talking about here?"

- Northwestern

-- Submitted by Jakey

Tuesday, December 02, 2008

Facebook Fan Page

There is now an Overheard in Chicago Fan Page on Facebook.

Become a fan, friend me, stare lovingly at the page. Your choice!

Half plucked, half feathered

Guy (in a hat): "I just got a haircut. I'm not so sure about it."

Girl: "I think you should come over tomorrow sans hat so I can properly judge for myself!"

Guy: "My head looks like a 14lb turkey."

Girl: "Before or after it got plucked?"

- Hoffman Estates

-- Submitted by Julie

But it's PERFECT!

(after watching "perfect" pushup commercial)

Girl: "Do they think saying 'laminated workout cards' in a fast, raspy voice makes them any more than crappy? And how many different workouts can you get a pushup?"


-- Submitted by Carol

That's comforting.

Guy: (on cell) "No, no, it's ok. Don't worry. I'll eat your heart."

- Congress and Wabash

-- Submitted by Molly

Monday, December 01, 2008

I love double entendres!

Girl: "I'm much better at pool when I'm drunk."

Guy: "Must be your penchant for alcohol assisted, indiscriminate pole selection."

- Northwestern

-- Submtted by Helene

Because fingernails aren't made of metal. Psycho.

Woman: (on cell) "Jen? Jenny?! Oh my god! My fingernails broke. No! Three of them! I need to go call my therapist. Why does this always happen?!?"

- North Side

-- Submitted by Rebecca

It could kinda be a contest.

Guy #1: "What kind of contest is it?"

Guy #2: "A 'you're fat' so shut up."

Guy #1: "That's not a contest. Jerk."

- South Loop

-- Submited by Newb