Monday, October 26, 2009

Where the whole family can enjoy a meal. And then get the hell out.

Guy: "Next!"

Girl: "I'd like a soup/sandwich combo."

Guy: "Which soup do you want?"

Girl: "Which soups do you have?"

Guy: "See that big ass board behind me with all of our items? You may want to read it before you waste my time. NEXT!"

Girl: "It's like you're the real Soup Nazi."

Guy: "No. That turd's got nothing on me. Now go to Taco Bell. They like fat chicks there."

- North Suburbs, Restaurant Chain Redacted

-- Submitted by Yikes

I'm willing to challenge this theory.

Girl: "Ok, so the point is: rats have fur, and furriers can make any fur look like gold."

- Michigan Ave, near the Tribune building

-- Submitted by Midori

I guess money DOESN'T buy everything

Guy: "White dudes, they wear whack shoes, whack clothes. I see them, they're wearing ratty-ass shirts, ratty ass pants; but they get money, so it don't matter. White people got whack hygiene in general; but they get money, so it don't matter!"

- Damen bus

-- Submitted by A White dude

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Being ugly and married, perhaps.

Girl: "I said, 'You're with your wife?' And then he asks me why I didn't congratulate him. For what?"

- Ravenswood

-- Submitted by ecobox

Kids are stupid assholes.

Girl #1: "...and then I saw that bitch walking out of THE GAP!"

Girl #2: "Oh, gross."

Girl #3: "She doesn't deserve life."

- Corner of Oak and Rush

-- Submitted by Matt F.

Plans are for suckers, that's why.

Woman: (on cell) "Why would you go to Minnesota and not have a way to get back?"

- Illinois Center

-- Submitted by Becky

Friday, October 09, 2009

This chick REALLY loves teddy bears.

Girl #1: "...he's finally taking me on a date."

Girl #2: "Where are you guys going?"

Girl #1: "I don't know, but if he takes me to Build-A-Bear, he's definitely going to be getting a BJ."

- Northwestern

-- Submitted by Jen

Next he'll tell you about his bad beat in a 2 cent poker hand.

Guy #1: "Do you know how many fantasy points I lost by not playing their defense?"

Guy #2: "Do you know how many teeth you're going to lose if you keep talking to me about that stupid shit?"

- Aon Building

-- Submitted by Bobby

Someone had a date cancelled.

Guy: "I'm going to start planning events 5 years in advance. That way, people can't tell me that a month wasn't enough of an advanced notice."

- Loyola

-- Submitted by Guy

Wednesday, October 07, 2009

There are better detergents

Girl: "...and now my underwear smells like Drano."

- Northwestern

-- Submitted by Dale

I'm sure that's her plan.

Guy: (on cell) "And if you see the mail lady, tell her to stop feeding the mail to the dog, would ya?"

- Metra South Shore

-- Submitted by Indy

Wouldn't that be the three of skanks?

Guy: "If you were a suited card, what would you be?"

Girl: "The two of clubs."

Guy: "Why's that?"

Girl: "Because I love going to clubs and love threesomes."

- Speed Dating, North Side

-- Submitted by Woo Hoo

Monday, October 05, 2009

Killing the earth one equation at a time.

Greenpeace Guy: "So, I bet you like forests!"

Woman: "No. I'm a mathematician. I kill trees by the ream."

- Michigan Avenue

-- Submitted by two2blue

Any guy will obviously do.

Guy: "Hey, is that chick crying?"


- Under the Red Line at Argyle

-- Submitted by Bordello

The first part is heroic. Or very sad.

Guy: "Trust me, I used to gang bang and I had my ear pierced."

- Wrigley bleachers

-- Submitted by Remy

Friday, October 02, 2009

Olympic Sadness: Part 1

Guy #1: "Do you think we'll ever try again?"

Guy #2: "It depends. How much money is left in the 'Daley's Cronies' account?"

- West Loop

-- Submitted by Allison

Olympic Sadness: Part 2

Girl: "In the first round? We should have at least been finalists!"

Guy: "What's the difference when you lose?"

Girl: "Posterity, I guess."

- North Side Office Building

-- Submitted by Jay

Olympic Sadness: Part 3

Guy: "Do you think it's because Rio's hookers are hotter?"

- Daley Center

-- Submitted by Olympic Woeful

Thursday, October 01, 2009

One and the same.

Guy #1 (pointing at bus seat): "These seats are bigger."
Guy #2: "No, they're like, a new material. They're different from those plastic ones."
Guy #1: "But I'm saying, they're bigger."
Guy #2: "Oh, are they?"
Guy #1: "Yea. To accommodate all the fat people in Chicago."
Guy #2: "I've been to St. Louis, and I think they have the most fat people anywhere."
Guy #1: "That's because of Jack in the Box and shit."

- #146 Bus

-- Submitted by Diane

Check and mate.

Guy: "Why are girls dumb?"

Girl: "It's not that we're dumb. It's that we have to pander to the lowest common denominator."

Guy: "Who's that?"

- DePaul

-- Submitted by Jeff

7 of them.

Female Employee: "I watched the 2nd Shrek the other night, it was pretty funny!"

Male Employee: "Oh yeah. I heard about that. Don't they have a shorty in that one?"

- North Suburban Home Depot

-- Submitted by Joanna