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| Friday, May 16, 2008 |
| Bring a bib. |
Woman #1: "Oh! I got a text!"
Woman #2: "What does it say?"
Woman #1: "The American Government has announced a plan that, in 2009, all retards will be shipped away. When I thought of you, I started to cry. Be careful and wear a helmet."
- #6 Bus, Hyde Park
-- Submitted by Michael E |
posted by Ziggy @ 11:45 AM   Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| And guns. Don't forget the guns. |
Guy: "...and I'm saying that's how we conquered the Indians! Because we were more civilized!"
- Blue Cross Blue Shield Building
-- Submitted by Busy Body |
| posted by Ziggy @ 11:43 AM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Is she British? (And there goes my fan base in England) |
Girl: "Did you see her Facebook picture? It's not that bad, but she has, like, the worst smile in the whole world."
- DePaul
-- Submitted by Runner |
| posted by Ziggy @ 11:41 AM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Thursday, May 15, 2008 |
| I'm the King. |
Guy: "You are the court jester of parallel parking."
- Lincoln Park
-- Submitted by Niki
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| posted by Ziggy @ 12:05 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Not even close, lady. |
(Asian teen group chatting in a different language)
Nosy lady: "Excuse me. Where are you from?"
Kid: "Korea."
Nosy lady: "Tokyo?"
- 151 Sheridan Bus
-- Submitted by AznGrl |
| posted by Ziggy @ 12:02 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| You mean the smoothie, right? |
Guy: (on cell) "I was down so he took me out for a milk shake. I got a boysenberry smoothie. I ended up pooping my guts out, but it was delicious."
- UIC
-- Submitted by Tats |
| posted by Ziggy @ 12:00 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Tuesday, May 13, 2008 |
| A bit harsh, no? |
Guy #1: "Sounds like a Dane Cook bit."
Guy #2: "There's no way. I hate Dane Cook."
Guy #1: "So you wouldn't pay to see him?"
Guy #2: "Would he be in front of a firing squad? Would I be able to pull the trigger?"
- South Loop
-- Submitted by Suit |
| posted by Ziggy @ 12:28 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| For realz. |
Man: (to child throwing a tantrum) "I bet that makes you really mad, huh?"
Child: "Hell's yeah!"
- Union Station
-- Submitted by Anne Hedonia |
| posted by Ziggy @ 12:27 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| ...and maple syrup |
Girl: "What'd you order?"
Guy: "Stuffed French Toast."
Girl: "What's it stuffed with?"
Guy: "Babies."
- IHOP, Halsted Street
-- Submitted by Thomas |
| posted by Ziggy @ 12:25 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Friday, May 09, 2008 |
| So THAT'S what that snake was. |
Girl: "He's married and he has a girlfriend. Yeah, it's not going to go anywhere. Sometimes you just have to hit it, you know. Forbidden fruit. With a penis."
- Red Line
-- Submitted by Tina |
| posted by Ziggy @ 1:26 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| So, are you two dating or something? |
Guy #1: "Anyone who wants some can come get a piece."
Guy #2: "How about you just break some off?"
Guy #1: "Yeeeeaaaaah."
- Bally's, Morton Grove
-- Submitted by Quentin |
| posted by Ziggy @ 1:24 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| A little harsh on both sides. |
Guy #1: "You leaving for the day?"
Guy #2: (screaming) "WHY THE HELL DO YOU CARE?"
Guy #1: "Because, I wanted to say have a good night. Now I hope you shit razor blades."
- Northside Architect's office.
-- Submitted by Clyde |
| posted by Ziggy @ 1:21 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Thursday, May 08, 2008 |
| That's okay. They can see "earthquakebows." |
Girl #1: "Look at that rainbow!"
Girl #2: "It's so awesome."
Girl #1: "Do you know that in California it never rains? Think about all the kids that will never see a rainbow."
- Buca di Beppo, Orland Park
-- Submitted by Allyson |
| posted by Ziggy @ 11:04 AM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Chubby or huge? |
Woman #1: "I'll see you when you get back."
Woman #2: "Ok. I'm going to keep working out. I don't want to be all chubby when I walk down the street."
- South Loop Fitness Club
-- Submitted by Dave G. |
| posted by Ziggy @ 11:03 AM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| How dirty? |
Blonde: "...I'm serious. He looked exactly like you except his beard was a little bit more of a 'dirty blonde.'"
Guy: "You're a dirty blonde."
- Teacher's Lounge, Goebert Elementary School, Aurora
-- Submitted by Mark H. |
| posted by Ziggy @ 11:00 AM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Workable with a meat tenderizer. |
Guy #1: "I think your best bet would be to tell her right away."
Guy #2: "But I still love her."
Guy #1: "No. You don't."
Guy #2: "Yeah. I do."
Guy #1: "Then why is it that you throw yourself at random poon on the street, sleep with any girl you can get, and constantly tell her she's not the one for you."
Guy #2: "So I guess I have a small issue, but it's definitely workable."
- Red Line
-- Submitted by Hobnob |
| posted by Ziggy @ 9:12 AM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Plese be talking about fire... |
Girl: (on cell) "No, honey. It's completely normal if it burns a little. Just try not to alert the neighbors."
- Bucktown
-- Submitted by Smoes |
| posted by Ziggy @ 9:11 AM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| With extra carbs. |
Restaurant-Goer: "This would taste much better if I was eating it on Robert Atkin's grave."
- Chipotle, East Rogers Park
-- Submitted by Dominick C. |
| posted by Ziggy @ 9:04 AM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| About Me |
Name: Ziggy
Home: Morton Grove, Illinois, United States
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