Thursday, November 29, 2007

But it's so sweet and tasty.

Guy: (on cell) "...Yeah, we're doing sundae's tonight. Did you get all the stuff? I just got whipped cream last week! JUST BECAUSE IT'S FAT FREE DOES NOT MEAN YOU CAN EAT THE WHOLE DAMN CONTAINER! Then you wonder why your toes are invisible to you!"

- Green Line

-- Submitted by Taylor

Just continue the normal, casual conversation

Guy: "I don't know what I would say if I was at the dog park and someone said to me, 'I have AIDS!'"

- University of Chicago, Cobb

-- Submitted by Katie

Don't strain yourself.

Guy: "You could probably coach basketball too. It takes a lot of little things, though. I have to...I...I have to remember all the kids' names."

- North Suburban Office

-- Submitted by Wasn't Eavesdropping

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Brotherly Love

(Two guys swearing.)

Random Dude: "Guys, could you please not swear. It's really offensive."

Swearer #1: "And? You don't like it? Take your bitch ass to a different car."

Swearer #2: "Yeah! You a bitch ass. Bitch ass."

Random Dude: "Jesus loves all. Since I love Jesus, and Jesus loves you, I love you as well."

Swearer #1: "Well you better not love me before I punch you in the God damn mouth!"

- Blue Line

-- Submitted by Randy

Because in a good way would be....

Girl #1: "When is it going to snow?"

Girl #2: "Who cares? Snow is awful."

Girl #1: "Snow is gorgeous. All light and fluffy."

Girl #2: "Snow is the worst. It kills everything. Traffic, activities, everything!"

Girl #3: "Yeah. It's like it makes time slow down, and then speed up, and the slow down. And not in a good way."

- Red Line

-- Submitted by Janine

Right after the Jedi Mind Trick

Guy #1: "Let's go somewhere. I'm bored."

Guy #2: "Where do you want to go?"

Guy #1: "I don't know. You want to catch a movie?"

Guy #2: "Are you going to pay for both of us, too? What the hell is the matter with you?"

Guy #1: "I'm just saying. We don't have to sit next to each other, we can just watch."

Guy #2: "'Til you use the old 'yawn trick.'"

- Loyola University

-- Submitted by Kyle

Tuesday, November 27, 2007


Hey everyone. Unfortunately, I'm going to have to start confirming submissions. I've had one individual who has submitted about 30 items in the past four weeks from the same IP address. S/he's pretty good at creating fake email addresses but, after an IP check, it's all from the same person. Your chances of having a submission posted are much greater if you give a REAL email address. Again, it won't be shared with anyone, but I'm not into fake posts.

Now, onto the show.

Crazy, Party of One. Your drinks are ready.

Sobbing Drunk Woman: "You know I like to go to the bar and stay out late. So if you're gonna be with me, you need to decide now."

Man: "The bar closes in an hour. It's time to go. You've had too much to drink. Now lets go."

Sobbing Drunk Woman: "NO! NO! NO! You know I stay until it closes. We leave when I say we leave. You're embarrsing me in front of my friends. Don't you care about me?!"

Man: You have had way too much. Just listen to you! I don't care if I embarrass you. I love you, but I've had enough."

Sobbing Drunk Woman: "No you listen. I don't care if you're married. We've been dating WAY too long and if you think we're fucked up now, it's only going to get worse."

- In front of Jake's Pub

-- Submitted by Dizzy

It is. The whole town is a giant slide.

Preteen Girl: "Daddy, what IS Grand Rapids?"

Dad: "It's a town, er, um, it's a city."

Preteen Girl: "Oh. I thought it was like a water park or something."

- O'Hare

-- Submitted by Ltrn

It may stand for "you're a moron."

Girl #1: "Yeah, I have some friends who go to NIU, UIC."

Girl #2: "What does the 'I' stand for?"

Girl #1: "Um, I'm not sure."

- Plane coming to Chicago from Minneapolis

-- Submitted by JR

Monday, November 26, 2007

It's funnier when you realize they don't work. At least for Walgreens.

Woman at ATM: "I have a cold. I went to Walgreens to try and get some medicine, but all they had was knockoffs. You know, Waldryl, Wal-a-fed, like that. Aren't those names funny?"

Friend: "Yeah they are!"

Woman: "There was also Wal-trin. That was my favorite."

Friend: "Oh my gosh, that's hilarious."

- Chase Bank, South Loop

-- Submitted by Grace

There are witches in the sea?!

Girl: (on cell) "Ursula is being such a BITCH!"

Guy (through the window) : "Yes, sea witches can be like that."

- Lakeview Apartment

-- Submitted by anonymous

Or just switch girlfriends

Man to friend looking in "romance" section of cards: "You should just stock up on cards. You know you're going to screw up again."

- Walgreens on Wells/Adams

-- Submitted by Stephanie

Monday, November 19, 2007

Thursday, November 15, 2007

Someone's green with envy.

Drama queen: "And then, she made popcorn at 2 AM. Do you know what sex and popcorn smells like at 2 in the morning? I mean, I had to be up in a few hours. The worst part is that neither the sex or the popcorn was mine. I hate my roommate. I hate her. I HATE HER!"

- University Center

-- Submitted by Molly

And then you can play "Cellmate" with Butch!

Creepy Guy: "You best put your sweater on, you're going to catch a cold."

Girl: "Oh, it's okay. I was just outside and it's not that cold!"

Creepy Guy: "Well if you do get sick, I could be your doctor."

- Loop Office Elevator

-- Submitted by Allie

Out of rain?

Man: "It's raining. Let's make a baby."

- Walgreen's in Glen Ellyn

-- Submitted by Agnes

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Probably digs S&M

Girl: (on cell) "...and we didn't want to be bothered. No, we were sitting there chatting. He just comes up and starts dancing in front of us, doing that kissy face, head noddy thing. Yeah. So we told him he had two choices: Go away, or get punched in the junk. Yeah, I can't believe we punched him either."

- Red Line

-- Submitted by Carla

Touche, madam. Touche.

Creepy guy: "Hey Cutie, you looking good. You ever been with a black man?"

Woman: "No. Have you?"

- Millennium Park

-- Submitted by Agnes

Must be a whopper of a backstory

First Guy: "I've never done anything weird before."

Second Guy: "Well how about that time you had to make out with a girl to prove you weren't gay."

First Guy: "You are taking that out of context."

- 58th and University

-- SuMust be some contextbmitted by Double D

Friday, November 09, 2007

Details. Not important. (NEEEEEIGH!)

Guy: "Man, man she's a stallion. She like 5"10, ya know. She's a stallion."

Random stranger: "You do you know that a stallion is a male horse for breeding, right?"

- 626 Pace Bus, Skokie

-- Submitted by Annoyed Commuter


Woman: "Hey. He's here. You better get out of his chair."

Man: "Fuck him. He doesn't own this chair. It's communal."

Woman: "Not when you get fired."

- South Side

-- Submitted by Lindy

Gotta appreciate sober friends.

Drunk guy: "All of them. It's all of them bitches I've fucked."

Sober guy: "Ok. First of all, you have got to stop calling them bitches. And second, you need to give some, too. Relationships are about compromise."

- Franklin and Jackson

-- Submitted by J

Thursday, November 08, 2007

Too late.

Male Customer: "I think I may have developed genital warts. Is it okay to use Compound-W on it?"

Pharmacist: "That type of Compound-W may cause harm to genital areas. You should consult your physician immediately."

- Northwest Suburban Walgreens

-- Submitted by Endlessly Disgusted

You'd need a big oven.

Woman: (on cell) "Why don't we do something new for Thanksgiving? No, not just with decorations. How about with the food? I don't know, like, eat a giraffe or something."

- Metra Union Pacific

-- Submitted by Randy

It's the thing to do.

Man: (on cell) "Stacy. That's. No. Awful. Why on earth would you name your kid after a rock?!"

- Skokie Swift

-- Submitted by Yee

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

Oprah would never ride in a limo with "normal" people.

Girl #1: "What are you looking at?"

Girl #2: "That limo. Whenever I see a limo, I secretly hope Oprah is inside looking back at me. I mean, Oprah could totally be in there."

Girl #1: "Do you realize how many limo riders you've probably creeped out?"

- N. Michigan Ave

-- Submitted by Leigh


Inspired lecturer: "To sum it up, teaching is not about the money. Teaching is about the love of spreading your knowledge to young people and making education exciting for everyone. I hope a few years from now, all of you will begin on your own teaching careers."

College girl: "I have a new back up plan and I can sum it up in two words: Trophy Wife."

- Roosevelt University

-- Submitted by Steph

Chicago: We're diverse.

Professor: "You all should appreciate the great city of Chicago. Appreciate that you go to school in such a good area. Back where I come from, some of the lower end areas of Chicago, those people don't go to Watertower. They don't go shopping up on Michigan Avenue. Oh no. Someone says 'Hello Ma'am, how are you, would you like to try some perfume?' and you say 'Yes, thank you.' Back home they say 'What the fuck is this? What you trying to spray on me?' Ya'll should be damn proud to come from a good part of Chicago."

- Columbia College

-- Submitted by Jesse

Tuesday, November 06, 2007

Nerds rule

Dork #1: "I'm not saying I'd want to die, but how cool would it be if King Kong came busting through that building, grabbed this L car and totally flung us like 100 feet into the river?"

Dork #2: "I'd die to see that."

(Coversation continued)

Dork #1: "If I won the lottery I think I'd buy a jet pack. Not the stupid real one, but a Boba Fett one. And the armor. And I'd become a bounty hunter."

Dork #2: "That wouldn't leave much money left."

Dork #1: "That's where the bounty hunting comes in."

- Brown Line

-- Submitted by Brett

She's already gone.

Mom #1: "She never shares."

Mom #2: "Neither does he. He just runs around with his balls and won't let anyone else have them."

Mom #1: "You realize what you just said, right?"

Mom #2: "Yup. And I don't care anymore."

- North Suburban Pre-school

-- Submitted by Shep

I'm more concerned with global warming.

Guy #1 (looking in backpack): "Jiminy Christmas! I forgot my lunch at home again. Damn it. You'll have to excuse my language but it's just that I told myself I wouldn't do this."

Guy #2: "Um. I'm more concerned with the fact that you just said Jiminy Christmas."

- Green Line

-- Submitted by Michael

Friday, November 02, 2007

It's not a micrope...uhm...forget it.

20 something: "No girl, you got to test men out before you date them. Mhm. "

Friend: "Are you for real? That seems so superficial."

20 something: "Baby listen to me. The one time I didn't test I found out the dude had micropenis. Test before you say yes."

- Red Line

-- Submitted by Steph

Are you planning a burglary?

Black Girl: "...But the cops won't see me!"

White girl: "True dat. You blend in but now we got lights! E-LEC-TRICITY Bitch! We see you!"

- Congress Theater

-- Submitted by Ayen

But not as bad as a fried catfish.

Girl: "Today has sucked. Completely and totally sucked. It's sucked worse than a catfish."

- Warren Township High School

-- Submitted by At