Man logic

Woman: "Are you ever going to help me with the kids?"

Man: "I try to help as much as I can."

Woman: "But you don't do anything. When I ask for help, you always say you can't, or you'll do it later, or some other excuse."

Man: "But, honey, you don't understand. The more I help, the more I cause problems. I can get in the way. I can do something wrong. I can mess something up. The more I'd help, the more you'd need to clean up after me. By NOT helping, I'm actually doing more than you think."

- Glenview

-- Submitted by Torpedo

Coaches are awesome.

Coach: "This is the worst warmup I've ever seen!"

Player: "Come on, coach. We're tired. This is our fifth match."

Coach: "I don't care. Life is about perseverance. You have to push through and always dive at balls. If you don't consistently dive on everyone's balls, you'll never succeed."

- HS Volleyball tournament, North Burbs

-- Submitted by Poo

A giraffe's head is higher.

Girl: "Lets go home and get really high."

Boy: "That is all you we ever do. Is that the reason we are together?"

Girl: "Well..."

Boy: "I though so."

Girl: "What do I care? I am already higher than a giraffe's pussy."

- Berwyn Train Platform

-- Submitted by Victoria

Someone send this question to Tom Skilling!

Girl: "Oh my god! It's snowing!"

Guy: "Well, it's actually not because it's 76 degress out."

Girl: "Well, what's all this white stuff falling from the sky then, huh?"

Guy: "Um, it's raining, and that's fuckin' hail."

Girl: "If it's cold enough for hail then why can't it be snow?"

Guy: "BECAUSE IT'S 76 DEGRESS OUT!"

Girl: "Oh. Is that why it hurts when it hits you?"

- University Center

-- Submitted by Jessa Leigh

Good thing she was, uh, "kidding"

Father: (on cell) "Do you think she even knows me? She doesn't like when I hold her or try and feed her. No, I'm not upset. She's only a few weeks old, but it seems like she hates me. Are you sure I'm the father? She looks a lot like, Jeff. WHAT?! That's not funny. I had divorce papers all written up in my head already!"

- Green Line

-- Submitted by Keith

I hope it was in the fridge.

Guy #1: "What'd you bring?"

Guy #2: "Cold pizza and a coke. You?"

Guy #1: "Cottage cheese sandwich."

Guy #2: "Sounds awesome. Was that all that was left in the fridge?"

Guy #1: "No. There was ketchup. But ketchup doesn't go well with cottage cheese."

- UIC CCC

-- Submitted by Flame On

It depends what age group he's in.

Woman: "Well, I need a hair cut. I was thinking of cutting it really short just for fun, but my hair is so curly. And I'm pretty sure my boyfriend doesn't want to date Sophia from the Golden Girls."

- North and Clybourn

-- Submitted by April

So, that's a no?

Woman: (on cell) "She wants HOW MUCH?! Per week?! For that kind of money she needs to have that baby for me, make sure she poops cash, and better have the house encrusted in diamonds!"

- Red Line

-- Submitted by Donut Hole

Turn off the video games.

Crazy hobo: "How do you get out of kill mode? Can't somebody tell me how to get out of kill mode?!"

- Broadway and Sheridan

-- Submitted by JeffRob

Just do what everyone else does and go as the Burger King King

Guy #1: "So what are you going to the party dressed as?"

Guy #2: "I don't know. Nothing too crazy. I'm not big on dressing up."

Guy #1: "You want to do a tandem thing?"

Guy #2: "Like dress up in related costumes?"

Guy #1: "Yeah. We could figure something out and make it really funny."

Guy #2: "Yeah, no. Unless you're a hot chick and I'm having sex with you on a frequent basis, we're not going to the party as a couple. Besides, I don't even think that's legal in 36 states."

- DePaul

-- Submitted by Tia

Just because she cares

Girl: (on cell) "Yes, I'm going to class. No, I don't have a test. No, my teachers are fine. Yes, I'm on the bus. No, I didn't forget to do any of the work. Yes, I studied. Gross, mom. I'm not telling you about my sex life. Fine, Mom. Fine. Fifty guys. On Saturday. In the morning. At once. Well then don't ask!"

- UIC

-- Submitted by Gail

The first step is admitting you have a problem

Woman: (cell phone) "Well, I gotta go to church tomorrow. Yeah, I go to church! I work in a porn store and I have a drinking problem. Baby, I need Jesus."

- #36 Bus

-- Submitted by tiredmedstudent

Go Tom Sawyer!

Girl: "...yeah and he was almost EXACTLY like that guy Huckleberry Finn except I'd fuck him."

- Brown Line Station, Paulina

-- Submitted by Post-Grad Nothing

The dedicated vegan

Girl: "I'm cold."

Guy: "So get your coat."

Girl: "It's wool. I don't feel like using animal products anymore."

Guy: "Another awesome decision by you. And well thought out. Nice leather belt and shoes. And you ate bacon this morning. And I've seen you kill a ton of bugs."

Girl: "You can't just dive in with both feet. You have to start slow and progress."

- UIC

-- Submitted by Era

Looks like he needs to study more.

Girl: "So I told him, 'We are having the best sex ever.' And he was like 'Nice!' So I said 'No, really we're not, okay.'"

- University of Chicago

-- Submitted by Custard

I didn't know you had to reason with them.

LSAT taker: "Dude, I totally had this dream last night that I was taking the test and doing really well. And then I got to the pixie logic section and couldn't answer anything and the proctor was all like, 'SOMEONE DIDN'T STUDY THEIR PIXIE REASONING!'"

- Hyde Park LSAT Test Center

-- Submitted by The Pixie Games Were Worse

She must have been wearing all black.

Girl: (on cell) "If I have to go to one more birthday party this week, I'm going to flip out. It's worse than going to a string of funerals."

- Blue Line

-- Submitted by No Way

Then try a bowl. With milk.

Mom: "Sweetie? Do you want chicken or hot dogs for dinner?"

Little Girl: "I want cereal."

Mom: "No sweetie. Do you want chicken or hot dogs for dinner?"

Little Girl: "I want cereal."

Mom: "No. Chicken or hot dogs?"

Little Girl: "No! Cereal!"

Mom: "I CAN'T PUT CEREAL ON THE GRILL!"

- Buffalo Grove

-- Submitted by Steeno

Good call.

Girl #1: "Let's go get drunk."

Girl #2: "Before class?"

Girl #1: "Is there a better way to take a test?"

Girl #2: "Yeah. Prepared. Dumbass."

- Loyola

-- Submitted by Denise

You know what solves this? A laptop.

Guy: (on cell) "So where do you expect the computer desk to go? It can't go there! That's where the dog is going to sleep. No. That's the TV room. Because a computer doesn't go in a TV room. Then it's not a TV room. Fine. How about we just put it where you'd be living because we're not moving in together?"

- Metra Milwaukee District North

-- Submitted by Evan

Because of heat exhaustion

Spectator: "GO BIG MOMMA!"

Runner: "Somehow I don't think Big Daddy is getting action tonight."

- Marathon, South Side

-- Submitted by Finisher (congrats!)

Because of heat exhaustion

Spectator: "GO BIG MOMMA!"

Runner: "Somehow I don't think Big Daddy is getting action tonight."

- Marathon, South Side

-- Submitted by Finisher (congrats!)

No. That's big APPLE.

Twenty-something: "So I'm finally applying to grad school. Right now I'm looking at the east coast but I'm not sure I could handle New York City."

Friend: "Oh, don't even worry! New York is just Chicago with assholes. If you made it okay with a family like yours, you'll do just fine."

- Watertower Place

-- Submitted by April

She wasn't my..er..his sister!

Tween girl: "So have you ever kissed a girl?"

Boy: "No."

Tween girl: "OH my gosh! That's so cute! Well have you ever held a girl's hand?"

Boy: "Yeah."

Tween girl 2:"Yeah, probably his sister's."

- Union Station

-- Submitted by Maria

Sounds like a solid plan.

Guy: "I'm not going to bed tonight until I get an 8-ball. And then I'm not going to bed."

- #22 Bus

-- Submitted by 8-balls are fun and easy!

Someone needs to practice the art of suave

Girl: "I'm so excited. This is my first job."

Guy: "Awesome. Did you go to college?"

Girl: "Yeah. Just graduated."

Guy: "In?"

Girl: "I was a communications major with a minor in drama."

Guy: "For real? Or are you saying you're a drama queen?"

- Arlington Heights

-- Submitted by Dave

Yeah. No big deal.

Girl: (on cell) "...well, what do you feel like? Yeah. I felt that way once, too. I bet it's Hepatitis A. Or B. Or C. Either way, you should probably stay in bed and drink some soup."

- Green Line

-- Submitted by Imp

Must be a college thing

Hipster chick: "He what!? De-friending on facebook is the ultimate hell-no!"

- 8th street

-- Submitted by Ayen

They taste the same.

Girl #1: "What are you drinking?"

Girl #2: "Water, I think. Or vodka. I can never tell the difference."

- Loyola

-- Submitted by Angel

That's a spicy meat-a-ball!

Guy: (on cell) "I'm at Jewel, honey. Because I don't wanna go somewhere and spend 30 bucks on a plate of spaghetti!"

- Jewel-Osco, Montrose and Sheridan

-- Submitted by Jennifer

His frozen pals?

Guy: "YO! DUDESICLES!"

- UIC

-- Submitted by TJ

It depends who you call Santa

Small Child: "Daddy, when you're in college does Santa still bring you presents?"

- Baker's Square, Skokie

-- Submitted by Kim

A guy's brain.

Guy #1: "We're gonna be so late."

Guy #2: "I know a shortcut."

Guy #1: "A shortcut? How do you take a short cut walking between buildings?"

Guy #2: "Instead of going through, we're going around."

Guy #1: "That's going to take longer. The shortest distance, two points, straight line, you remember that jazz?"

Guy #2: "Damn it. The straight line doesn't have the hot chick with a huge rack that always sits on THAT side of the building!"

- UIC

-- Submitted by Carlos

BLONDE!

College Girl: "Did you know that only humans and dolphins have sex for fun? The others just do it for recreation."

- Red Line

-- Submitted by Anne

BLONDE!

College Girl: "Did you know that only humans and dolphins have sex for fun? The others just do it for recreation."

- Red Line

-- Submitted by Anne

Trying to dash someone's dreams?

Dad walking with daughter

Dad: (pointing to homeless guys) "Look! There are the other art majors."

- Columbia College

-- Submitted by Bea

Do they look like the mother or the father?

Girl #1: "I just don't understand how poop as big as a watermelon comes out of a kid that's 1."

Girl #2: "Maybe she saves it up all day?"

Girl #1: "No way. I haven't taken a dump in weeks and I can't produce that stuff. This girl goes into labor and delivers fecal babies."

- Macy's, downtown

-- Submitted by Ro

At least you don't drink and drive.

Guy: (on cell) "No, man. No drinking tonight. Or ever. Don't play stupid. 44 cuts and bruises later you know why. Yeah, but you guys dared me. I've jumped over the balcony on to a skateboard before. I had two beers in my hand. Lost my balance."

- Red Line

-- Submitted by Carol

Start bobbing in the lake. Maybe Mr. Right will come around and save you.

Trixie #1: "I do love him, but I'm not sure. I mean, he didn't even get me a decent gift for our one year anniversary. And he doesn't make that much money."

Trixie #2: "Well, money is important, but it's not everything. Maybe someday he'll make more."

Trixie #1: "But I really want a sailboat."

Trixie #2: "I know. If you can't afford your own boat, you'll just have to make friends with people who have boats."

Trixie #1: "I want it now!"

- Mambo Grill

-- Submitted by AnnoyedByBachelorettes

Must be a psych major

College Guy #1: "How'd you do?"

College Guy #2: "Awesome! I got a 71%!"

College Guy #1: "I wouldn't say a 71% is awesome, but it's good that you passed."

College Guy #2: "Whatever, bro. Degree eligible passing means I get a diploma. That diploma proves to my dad that I'm not as retarded as he says I am."

- Loyola University

-- Submitted by Ramblin' Man

Very carefully

New Mom: "...but, if you'll excuse me, I have to go freeze my milk."

Genius: "How do you do that while it's still in your breast?"

- Mt. Prospect

-- Submitted by Genevieve

They're at the zoo now?

Teen Girl: "Let's go to the Australia House! I want to see the emos!"

- Brookfield Zoo

-- Submitted by Anne Hedonia

I agree with the order.

Guy #1: "I'm going to quit."

Guy #2: "But you don't have another job yet."

Guy #1: "But I've been on five interviews. One of them will hit."

Guy #2: "And if it doesn't?"

Guy #1: "I'm just going to sell my wife. Then my kids. Then maybe the car."

Guy #2: "At least you have your priorities straight."

- Red Line

-- Submitted by Francisco

Ahhhh, high school

Dork #1: "You going to get Halo 3 tonight?"

Dork #2: "I'm going to wait in line right after school. I want to be the first one to get it."

Dork #1: "Totally. I want to get as many achievements as possible before I get to bed."

Dork #2: "Me too."

Guy: "Hey nerds. Are you guys seriously getting wood over a gamerscore? You do realize you can't trade those points for a girlfriend and a real life, right?"

- Niles West High School

-- Submitted by Elon

One track mind.

Student #1: "We getting drunk tonight?"

Student #2: "Nah. I'm hanging out with a new chick."

Student #1: "So let's all get drunk."

Student #2: "It's Wednesday and we're going to be studying."

Student #1: "That's fine. You can drink and study at the same time."

Student #2: "No. We have a test coming up. I have to do well."

Student #1: "What better way to relax than to get shitty?"

Student #2: "I don't know. How about studying the material, knowing it going in, and doing well on the test? That seems to be relaxing AND it gets me good grades."

Student #1: "But it doesn't taste as good."

- UIC CCC

-- Submitted by Al

Interesting course of action

Woman: (on cell) "Have you changed her? Fed her? Burped her? Is she tired? Gassy? Oh, wait, John. Has she tried to eat your nose? That always seems to work."

- Metra Milwaukee District North

-- Submitted by Rider

Ghost phone theory

(Cell phone rings)

Guy #1: "You know. I haven't had a cell phone in almost three years, but every time one rings, I have to see if it's mine."

Guy #2: "Does it happen with certain rings?"

Guy #1: "No. It happens with any ring. I don't remember what mine was, so I always check my pockets to see if it's in there. Hiding. Taunting me. Ready to strike."

- Blue Line

-- Submitted by Jenny

I'd be more impressed if she turned meat into cash.

Girl: "It's still boggles my mind that I can turn meat into milk."

Guy: "It's like you're a breast feeding Jesus."

- Skokie

-- Submitted by Rena

That's called death, sweetie.

Girl: (on cell) "Does your brain ever shut the hell up?"

- Grant Park

-- Submitted by Queenie

Unless he wanted to make them cluck like chickens.

Guy #1: "...and I kept searching but I couldn't find the course."

Guy #2: "There's no course for hypnosis, dude. And even if there was, it's not like it would make you any better with women."

- Red Line

-- Submitted by Loopy Larry

Must suck to be e-cool

College Girl: "That's the girl who added me on Facebook, but won't say hi to me in real life."

- Columbia College Elevator

-- Submitted by Alexandria

Touche, sir.

Guy #1: "I can't wait for the new season of shows to start."

Guy #2: "Totally. That's when all the loser like you leave all the hot chicks to studs like me."

Guy #1: "Studs who can't talk about new shows!"

- DePaul

-- Submitted by Clyde

Everyone copes in their own way.

Older Woman: (on cell) "I'm not going to the wake unless I can pick the music they're going to play. None of that creepy Jesus stuff. I want something that'll wake up the dead."

- Green Line

-- Submitted by High Roller

Dirty mind

Girl: (on cell) "Hey Robbie. What do you need help with? They're stuck where? Well pull them out. They can't be stuck that bad. How did you get them in their? No it's not funny. They're probably going to be a mess when you get them out of that thing. I'm not coming over to help you, I have to get to class. Pull them out and I'll check on them later. Bye."

Girl: (to friend) "That was Robbie. He put his geckos in the orange juice container and now they won't come out. He's such a dipshit."

- Blue Line

-- Submitted by Leonid

Only if you don't understand the piece.

Girl: "Do you think it's better to be an artist or a musician?"

Guy: "Technically, those are both artists."

Girl: "Yeah, but one you listen to and the other you mock."

- Art Institute

-- Submitted by ZillaG

The intelligence of the student

Guy #1: "...and I just got my credit card bill. I have no idea how I'm going to pay it."

Guy #2: "If you don't know how to pay it, then just pay a little bit. Finance charges will KILL you."

Guy #1: "I can't even afford the minimum."

Guy #2: "Then why'd you charge all that stuff to the card?"

Guy #1: "I just figured I could pay it with a different card. Just have it keep going back and forth. Balance transfers and stuff."

Guy #2: "And?"

Guy #1: "My parents wouldn't help me get a second card."

- UIC CCC

-- Submitted by Clambake

These guys must be married.

College Guy #1: "Does she talk?"

College Guy #2: "What do you mean does she talk? Of course she talks."

College Guy #1: "Oh, well I was just wondering cause I've never heard her talk before. I thought maybe she was mute."

College Guy #2: "Oh, no. She talks."

College Guy #1: "That would be pretty cool if she was mute though, wouldn't it?"

College Guy #2: "Yeah. That would be pretty fucking awesome."

- Red Line

-- Submitted by Nah Nah

She doesn't close out the show

College girl: "I'm a music major studying voice."

Girl #2: "Oh, so you sing! Do you want to be on Broadway?"

Girl #1: "No, I study classical singing. I want to be a professional opera singer."

Girl #1: "Oh. So, why aren't you fat?"

- University Center on State St.

-- Submitted by Alexis

Compassion for your fellow man

Girl: "I don't care if you have cancer or not! I'll still kick your ass!"

- Cinemark Movie Theater, Evanston

-- Submitted by Skeeech

Happy Jew Year!

Because of the Jewish Holiday, Posts will be back Monday.

Z

It's a vicious cycle.

Girl: "So she called and wanted to know why you were so pissy."

Guy: "Did you tell her why?"

Girl: "I don't know why."

Guy: "Good. Great. Now you know why I'm in such a bad mood."

Girl: "Because I don't know why you're in a bad mood."

Guy: "Do you see the circle of anger you create?"

- Loyola

-- Submitted by Ramblin' Man

They must be bees.

Girl: (on cell) "...and my nipples stung too."

- 1300 block of N. Cleaver

-- Submitted by Andy (Check out Andy's radio show)

The Hancock it is.

Old Woman 1: (confused) "Wait, which building is it?"

Old Woman 2: (yelling) "The one that looks like a vagina!!"


- Millenium Park

-- Submitted by Rachel

Hooray for brains!

Girl #1: "Did you hear what Sarah Silverman said about her kids? How can you call them mistakes?"

Girl #2: "She wasn't calling the kids mistakes, idiot. She was saying Britney treats them like mistakes. Why can't you think instead of just taking for something at face value."

Girl #1: "I just don't think Britney should be made into example. I mean, she's under a lot of pressure."

Girl #2: "A lot of pressure? The only pressure that girl feels is the pressure her weight puts on her knees. She's a perfect example of the most fucked up, white-trash parent out there. Instead of going clubbing 5 days a week, maybe she should spend time with her kids. Sorry. Spend time with her kids and NOT using them as coasters and ashtrays."

- UIC

-- Submitted by Michelle

Almost as good as Britney.

Woman: (on cell) "I would talk longer, but I got to go home with my daughter and watch Ellen. We watch every day. My day ain't complete without Ellen. She has a lot of rhythm for a white girl."

- Red Line

-- Submitted by Alex

I hear they're doing amazing thing with teleportation devices.

Disgruntled girl: "Damn! I was complaining about bus cuts but maybe we can cross the damn street!"

Friend: "How would we get to work?"

- In front of Water Tower Place

-- Submitted by JJ

Math shmath

Bears Fan #1: "There's only one thing I can't stand more than a Bears loss."

Bears Fan #2: "What's that?"

Bears Fan #1: "Women. And Children."

Bears Fan #2: "That's two things."

Bears Fan #1: "SHUT UP!"

- ESPN Zone

-- Submitted by Kyle

Someone call Miss Teen South Carolina! QUICKLY!

Girl #1: "I just moved here from Providence."

Girl #2: "Oh? Where's that?"

Girl #1: "In Rhode Island."

Girl #2: "Oh, in New York?"

Girl #1: "No, Rhode Island."

Girl #2: "Aw, right, like near Manhattan."

Girl #1: "No, the state. Rhode Island."

Girl #2: "Oh yeah! That's real small isn't it? It's up by Maine? I'm picturing my US Map."

- E 53rd and Blackstone

-- Submitted by AR

For safety or tips?

Police Officer: "It's just great in here! You can just sit and eat whatever! I could spend all day in here!"

Barista: "We could definitely use you in the morning."

- Belmont and Clark Starbucks

-- Submitted by maitri

In trouble? More like, in her pants.

Drunk, Middle-Aged Guy#1: "That girl in the white pants. Right there. No underwear. She definitely isn't wearing any underwear."

Drunk, Middle-Aged Guy#2: "Oh man. If that was me, we would be in trouble!"

- Near Wrigley Field

-- Submitted by Ewwww

Cracker Barrel is everywhere.

Man: "There are no Cracker Barrels around here! There is no Cracker Barrel!"

Child: "Why should I believe you? You've been lying to me all day."

- Ikea, Schaumburg

-- Submitted by Sick of Ikea

It's right near the new Wacama

Girl (cell): "Oh you know what, I bet I know where you could get that: Appalachia."

- Broadway

-- Submitted by Amanda

Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match!

Homeless Guy: "What do you want to be when you grow up? Hey you, what are you gonna be?"

Guy: "A lawyer."

Homeless dude: "What about you?"

Girl: "Rich!"

Homeless dude: "Sally, meet Harry. He gonna be a lawyer and you gonna be rich. A match made in heaven if I ever saw one."

- Red Line, 2 AM

-- Submitted by Maria

Well la-de-da, Princess Cleanytown.

Woman: (on cell) "I don't understand why he doesn't like me. He likes that dirty girl from target. At least I shower."

- Diversey and Clark

-- Submitted by DM

Who needs sweatshops?

Girl: "Guess what, guys? She's only 50% psychotic. So that means if we get her working on an assembly line and doing an 8 ball, we'll be good-to-go!"

- Water Tower Place

-- Submitted by Greeny

The sad part: He wasn't really drunk.

Drunk Bears Fan: "Look at those Velociraptors trying to bone each other!"

- Outside the Field Museum

-- Submitted by Marie

Hope you all had a good holiday. Don't forget to check out the store!

Chivalry is dead

Guy #1: "She's like 24 and he's like 36."

Guy #2: "Dude, he's going to be dead in about 20 years, then what is she going to do?"

Guy #1: "I'm not gonna date her."

- Brown Line

-- Submitted by CDM

You have to be a Thetan Level 900?

Guy#1: "Be careful. It's a high security area."

Guy #2: "They got laser beams in there."

Guy #1: "You got to be Tom Cruise to get in there."

- Northwestern University

-- Submitted by Ivan

Not me. He made me for the ladies.

Woman: "They can't stop you from smoking outside. It's a free country. That's what God made you for."

- South Loop, Wabash

-- Submitted by Christine

Or, you know, a BAR.

Frat Boy #1: "I have to stop drinking at Hooters. It is like ten bucks a drink there."

Frat Boy #2: "Ya, you should probably try Bennignas instead."

- Red Line

-- Submitted by 10 With A Mop

I notice no mention of the Geico Cavemen

Girl: "If that stupid gecko were here, I would punch him in the face and yell 'where's your Geico NOW, bitch!' And then I'd laugh at him and his broken teeth."

Guy: "I don't think gecko's have teeth."

Girl: "That's not the god damn point!"

-

I notice no mention of the Geico Cavemen

Girl: "If that stupid gecko were here, I would punch him in the face and yell 'where's your Geico NOW, bitch!' And then I'd laugh at him and his broken teeth."

Guy: "I don't think gecko's have teeth."

Girl: "That's not the god damn point!"

- UIC

-- Submitted by Jeff

Say 'ello to mah li'l drunk fren.

Guy watching "Batman" being filmed: "Look! Batman!"

Drunk girl: "Let's go! Batman ain't gonna put money in yo' pocket! Batman ain't gonna feed yo' ass!"

Guy: Just hold on a minute."

Drunk girl: "You wanna fuck wid me? You fuck wid me, you fuck wid the ghetto!"

- Wacker Drive

-- Submitted by Anna

Yes. With music.

Guy: "What is this music?! Are they trying to drug us?"

- Red/Orange line tunnel, Roosevelt

-- Submitted by Absolut Law

Gross.

Woman: (on cell) "She's two! There's no reason the term taco should come out of his mouth!"

- Metra

Gross.

Woman: (on cell) "She's two! There's no reason the term taco should come out of his mouth!"

- Metra South Shore

-- Submitted by Carly

Gross.

Woman: (on cell) "She's two! There's no reason the term taco should come out of his mouth!"

- Metra South Shore

-- Submitted by Carly

If it's 2003, then yes. Yes, he does.

Girlfriend: "I've been so stressed out lately and you're not helping any. My hair is falling out like crazy."

Boyfriend: "Babe, don't worry. You're fine."

Girlfriend: (snapping) "I'm NOT fine! Pretty soon I'm going to look like Britney Spears. IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT?"

- H&M on State

-- Submitted by April

You might not need them if you stopped calling girls 'Dude."

Girl: "So why is it that you think that your prayer beads are lucky?"

Guy: "Dude, I meet MODELS when I wear them!"

- China Town

-- Submitted by SuperNova

That's not a seatbelt.

Flight Attendent: "Welcome to Chicago. Please do not remove your seatbelts until we have reached the gate."

(a minute later)

Flight Attendent: "As I just STATED, do NOT remove your seatbelts until we reach the gate.... 4D! Get that back on right now! I can see it danglin' in the aisle!"

- US Airway Flight landing in Chicago

-- Submitted by Brian

Mom's always know what to say.

Little Boy: "Mommy, I'm bored."

Mom: "Sweetie, we have to wait for the rain to stop so we can go visit gram."

Little Boy: "Why can't we just go on the plane now?"

Mom: "Because if we get on the plane and all the wind and rain are still there, the plane will have an accident and we'll get boo-boo's."

- Midway Airport

-- Submitted by Diego

Rain is definitely romantic. Grar!

Guy: (on cell) "Look. I've been sitting here for about 5 hours waiting for my plane. I could have been downtown, in a bar, drinking and picking up girls. Yeah, I'm pissed. I could have been with, like, 300 girls by now!"

- O'Hare

-- Submitted by Flyboy

Won't listen either.

Drunk Girl: "No... No... Listen. What we'll do is, I'll walk home with you. And I won't talk AT ALL."

Guy: "No. Not going to happen."

Drunk Girl: "Come on. Let's just walk."

Guy: "IT'S OVER!"

- Lincoln Park

-- Submitted by B

Those'll do.

Guy #1: "I texted her back and said I was sorry, that my friend took my phone, and he's a jackass."

Guy #2: "Why do you still have any of your ex-girlfriends' numbers in your phone anyway?"

Guy #1: "So if they call, I know not to answer."

Guy #2: "You should give them each an alias so that doesn't happen again."

Guy #1: "What you mean like 'Cubs Game' or 'Huge Mistake?'"

- Brown Line

-- Submitted by PhantomK

Have you seen Oobi?

Girl: "Well I just found the last sign of the coming apocalypse."

Guy: "What's that?"

Girl: (pointing to display) "A High School Musical bedsheets and comforter set."

- Walmart, North Avenue

-- Submitted by Afraid of the Future

Have you seen Oobi?

Girl: "Well I just found the last sign of the coming apocalypse."

Guy: "What's that?"

Girl: (pointing to display) "A High School Musical bedsheets and comforter set."

- Walmart, North Avenue

-- Submitted by Afraid of the Future

What could be better than bio-degradable rubber?

Girl: (on cell) "I don't want eco-friendly condoms! I want condoms that work!"

- Whole Foods, Roscoe Village

-- Submitted by Jeanne

She's going to anger The Oprah!

Literate Lady: "Now, I love Oprah. LOVE Oprah. Oprah is my girl. But that magazine of hers? Uh huh. It's got too much shit in it."

- 81 Lawrence, Eastbound

-- Submitted by Spinner

Bitch.

Girl: (on cell) "We're getting a divorce, Joan. It's not that I don't love him. No. I like him, too. Because the other guys I was sleeping with were just so much more satisfying. Five of them. Two of them know each other. No, because it was at the same time. We'll chat about it over coffee today."

- Blue Line

-- Submitted by Rider

Shot down.

Guy: "What'll it take to get your number?"

Girl: "Telepathy."

- Piano Bar

-- Submitted by Drinky