A Chicago fan through and through.

Guy: "I was listening to the game on the radio, caulking a door, and they're up 6-1. I finish caulking the door and they give up 5 runs. I looked for another door to caulk, but once I figured out which one I could do, they ended up walking in the winning run. I think for the next game, I just need to build a new house. They should win by like 3 runs."

- Evanston

-- Submitted by Linda

Maybe you should put the seat back on.

Guy: (on cell) "Yeah, it worked out great. She loved being in the carrier. The only problem is she kept telling me to 'go more.' So pedaled further. Yeah. My ass is killing me right now."

- Red Line

-- Submitted by Georgia

Being there for almost 24 hours shows dedication.

Worker #1: "He'll be here at 11, probably."

Worker #2: "That'd be a new record."

Worker #1: "No. He got here at 10:30 once."

Worker #2: "No. He didn't 'get here' at 10:30. He slept here overnight with that chick from billing and his dad kicked him out of the office after his board meeting. So technically, he got here at 2:00 the day before and just never left."

- Downtown Office

-- Submitted by Crazy

It's called preying on fools.

Guy: (on cell) "Hell yeah you're going to call them back. There's no way you should be paying 60 dollars for a freaking oil change!!!!"

- Michigan and Jackson

-- Submitted by Mike

I believe that's a call out.

Guy #1: "...I'm a guitarist."

Guy #2: "No. You're not. You're a guy who holds a guitar and pretends to play while telling everyone how awesome you are. Your fingers can't hurt every night, dumbass."

- Sweet Alice Bar

-- Submitted by Gracy

They aren't on the train, lady.

Girl: "I'm going to start a blog."

Guy: "About what?"

Girl: "My daily life. While I would enjoy writing, after a bit of time, the ads and stuff will make me a lot of money."

Guy: "You're not serious. No one is going to be interested in how many times you coo at your cats or pine about how boys don't like you."

Girl: "But they DON'T like me. My kitties do, though. Cute wittow kitties."

- Green Line

-- Submitted by Kathryn

If it's on Oprah, it must be true. Except for that James Frey thing.

Girl: "I am going out tonight with my friends from college. I think we are going out in Wrigleyville."

Mother: "Have fun, but not too much fun. I heard on Oprah from Dr. Oz that your eggs are still good after you have drank too much."

- Lincoln Park

-- Submitted by Jaclyn

Goal oriented.

Guy #1: "No, I'm not going anywhere. I see my parents every weekend. This weekend, it's all about me."

Guy #2: "So the big plans are?"

Guy #1: "Video games, porn, video games, porn, drinking, drinking, drinking, porn, sleeping, video games. I may slip in some extra eating dependant on my schedule."

- Northern Illinois University

-- Submitted by Chloe

In Wrigleyville? Anywhere.

Drunk Guy: "Yeah. Here I can at least go down there and go to the toilet. But when I'm in Wrigleyville where else am I gonna go?"

- Lincoln Park

-- Submitted by B

For you? It might be.

Girl #1: "Do you ever wake up in the morning and wish you weren't alive?"

Girl #2: "No. That's death. I'd rather not be dead."

Girl #1: "No. Not dead, dead. But like, temporary dead."

Girl #2: "No. Why would you wish to be temporary dead?"

Girl #1: "You'd be able to see what everyone thinks about you being dead."

Girl #2: "No. You'd be dead. You wouldn't be able to see anything."

Girl #1: "So being dead for a day isn't a good wish?"

- DePaul University

-- Submitted by Karen

The male conversation.

Guy #1: "...and I decided to end it."

Guy #2: "Fuck her. She was a bitch anyway."

Guy #1: "It's hard, man. We were just so into each other. I thought we were going to...HOLY CRAP! TRIPLE!"

Guy #2: "What's the score?"

Guy #1: "Me: 1, The Bitch: 0."

- Shoeless Joe's

-- Submitted by Gary

Sissy.

Guy #1: "So I decided that my feet just couldn't take running anymore. I get all numb and my feet hurt and my knees are just killing me. I needed a rest. So, naturally, biking, right?"

Guy #2: "Yeah. Same basic motion."

Guy #1: "My ass. I figured I'd ride to the bike path about half a mile away and then do a couple miles. No biggie. I made it about 9 blocks before I felt like passing out. Who knew that bike riding was the hardest exercise on earth?"

- Bally's in Niles

-- Submitted by Carlo

Men and women think pretty much the same way.

Girl: "It's like all you need to change your image is a bible, an apology, and a good PR guy."

Guy: "And a huge chest. Or money. Or you're super hot. Or all of the above."

- UIC

-- Submitted by The Gnu

Why don't you myspace the answer online?

Guy: (on cell) "No. I'll just call you. I'm not going to. I'll either email it or I'll fax it. NO! When the hell did 'MySpace' become a verb?"

- Ukranian Village

-- Submitted by Tomcat

That's not trashy...it's cost efficient.

Girl: "God, you are SO trashy."

Guy: "I'm like Aldi with a coupon."

- Wicker Park bar

-- Submitted by J

In Lincoln Park? Wait. Lincoln Park?!

Cab Driver: "$250,000 for an apartment, and what for! You should be gettin' two places, a basement, a parking space for $250,000. And I don't want no damn apartment condo association telling me what to do. I remember this area used to not be pricey, now things are going up and up and up. What's with all the construction? This ain't construction, this is destruction."

- In a cab on Armitage and Sheffield

-- Submitted by LPChad

I sure as hell hope so.

Girl #1: "I'm sorry I couldn't make it to her baby shower. So when is she due?"

Girl #2: "June 13th, I think."

Girl #1: "Woah, wait, of this year?!"

- Loop Office

-- Submitted by Dumbfounded

Totally Chicawgo.

Girl #1: "She was trying to imitate me, but she couldn't, because she has such a thick Indian accent."

Girl #2: "Wait--she's from India?"

Girl #1: "No, she's from Indiana."

- Brown Line

-- Submitted by E

It'd be a close call. Probably decided on points.

Guy #1: "You've heard of kangaroo boxing, right?"

Guy #2: "Yeah."

Guy #1: "Do you think they have rabbit boxing? I mean, those little things can kick pretty hard."

Guy #2: "I doubt it."

Guy #1: "I bet you I could take a rabbit in a fight. I'd be all up in his grill, talking smack. 'Where's your carrot NOW, bitch?' and 'THIS is what's up, Doc!"

Guy #2: "You've given this serious thought, haven't you?"

Guy #1: "You can never be too prepared for a situation."

- Loyola University

-- Submitted by Greg

They'll be totally fooled.

Girl: "...and I just wish I could go back. It was so beautiful there."

Guy #1: "How long do you want to go for?"

Girl: "I wish I could go for three months at least. Stupid job."

Guy #1: "Just tell them you'll be sick. For three months. With, uh..."

Guy #2: "The bubonic plague."

- Skokie

-- Submitted by K