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| Wednesday, April 30, 2008 |
| Low standards. |
Woman: "Give me buffalo flavored pretzels crisps and some perfect water and I'll do whatever you want."
- South Loop
-- Submitted by Dave |
posted by Ziggy @ 1:10 PM   Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| I like her thinking. |
Guy: "I'm starving."
Girl: "So let's eat."
Guy: "I can't afford to eat out. But I don't want to cook."
Girl: "So let's go to a restaurant with tables near the huge windows. We'll just stick our faces on the glass, licking the air, asking if they're going to finish their food. Maybe we'll get a bite."
- UIC
-- Submitted by Randy |
| posted by Ziggy @ 1:07 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Uh...ass kickings? |
Woman: (on cell) "Do NOT use your gurmpy phone boive with me, buddy. If it's not going to be polite voice, I'm going to use my ass kicking voice. You know what's up then!"
- Roosevelt and State
-- Submitted by Nadine |
| posted by Ziggy @ 1:06 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Tuesday, April 29, 2008 |
| How heartfelt. |
Girl #1: "I feel bad for him."
Girl #2: "Me, too. But he didn't really deserve the raise he got."
Girl #1: "I know, but I feel worse that he bought me all that stuff."
Girl #2: "Forget that. That's his problem. It's yours to keep, no matter what."
- Grant Park
-- Submitted by Spring is Here! |
| posted by Ziggy @ 12:22 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| It's too late for him now. |
Guy #1: "....and I have to take my suit in for alteration."
Guy #2: "You know they don't really alter suits, right?"
Guy #1: "Oh no?"
Guy #2: "No. They just get new suits and stick some stitching in there. It's a huge sham. A conspiracy to get you to buy more items from the store."
Guy #1: "But alterations are free."
Guy #2: "So they got you already, huh?"
- State Street
-- Submitted by Cat Burglar |
| posted by Ziggy @ 12:20 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Just hit next. |
Guy: (wearing Ipod) "GOD DAMN IT I HATE DANIEL BEDDINGFIELD!"
- Blue Line
-- Submitted by Hair |
| posted by Ziggy @ 12:19 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Monday, April 28, 2008 |
| Breasts look better than electric finger. |
Girl: "I think I need implants."
Guy: "You mean for your breasts or like enhancements?"
Girl: "Aren't they the same thing?"
Guy: "No. I mean enhancements like electricity implants in your fingers or something to boost your brain power. Star trek stuff."
- Loyola
-- Submitted by Louis |
| posted by Ziggy @ 1:58 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| So you're into chicks then. |
Guy: (hanging up cell) "I think my buddy just told me he loved me before he hung up the phone. The funny thing is, I think I love him, too. But not in that whole I love him love him kind of way."
- Red Line
-- Submitted by Grey |
| posted by Ziggy @ 1:57 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Or the sky. |
Guy: "It's like poop is raining down from the ceiling!"
- West Loop Office
-- Submitted by Jake |
| posted by Ziggy @ 1:55 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Friday, April 25, 2008 |
| I guess that's more committed. |
Girl #1: "...and then he's all, 'what would it take for us to be more serious?'"
Girl #2: "Did you tell him he had to commit to you and the relationship?"
Girl #1: "Kind of. I told him we had to have sex with less than 5 different people a month."
- Purple Line
-- Submitted by Submitter |
| posted by Ziggy @ 12:01 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Only if you want to win. |
Guy #1: "You box?"
Guy #2: "Does punching guys in the balls count?"
- Loyola University
-- Submitted by Ramblin' Man |
| posted by Ziggy @ 12:00 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Why didn't you just buy another sandwich? |
Guy: (on cell) "I was making my tuna sandwich. I made a crucial error. I put the bread directly on the bench. NO MAN! DIRECTLY ON THE FREAKING BENCH! Where the naked guy sits everyday. No! I couldn't turn back. I had already taken a couple bites. I should have turned back, but I had nothing else. Just never discuss it again."
- North Chicago, outside of a fitness center
-- Submitted by Relay |
| posted by Ziggy @ 11:56 AM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Thursday, April 24, 2008 |
| Or is it? |
Guy: (on cell) "No you should NOT get erect when someone is massaging your knee! It's completely inappropriate!"
- Michigan Ave.
-- Submitted by Eddie |
| posted by Ziggy @ 12:24 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| I'd still rather do Britney. |
Guy: (on cell) "Britney Spears is number 100? Sexiest what, wildebeests?! I'd rather use a meat grinder to make penis spaghetti than do that chick."
- Red Line
-- Submitted by Kellen |
| posted by Ziggy @ 12:23 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Documented proof has been already been given about eardrums. |
Girl: (pointing at 4'10" punk girl) "See! More proof that Avril Lavigne stunts your growth."
- Goose Island Bar in Wrigleyville
-- Submitted by Misplaced Suburbanite Boy |
| posted by Ziggy @ 12:20 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Wednesday, April 23, 2008 |
| Less chance of shoe recognition in the handicapped stall. |
Guy: (on cell) "I'm telling you, bro: not only did I have to use the stall, a handicapped guy was walking in front of me. Of course I had to sit, I needed the stall. It was pretty unnerving. I just kept praying that he had to take a leak and did NOT have a catheter bag to empty."
- Downtown Office Building
-- Submitted by Rich |
| posted by Ziggy @ 10:28 AM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| She spawned well before the show. |
Chicagoan: "I don't like it because it spawned Britney Spears. Granted, it was the new one, but it still spawned Britney Spears."
- DePaul University
-- Submitted by Runner |
| posted by Ziggy @ 10:25 AM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Need help? |
Woman: "Hold on sweetie. I have to go into the lockerroom to help this woman take her pants off. She's having all kinds of problems."
- South Loop FFC
-- Submitted by TT |
| posted by Ziggy @ 10:24 AM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Tuesday, April 22, 2008 |
| Because you're married, dumbass. |
Guy #1: "So you know when we inevitably get gay married out of boredom and loneliness?"
Guy #2: "Yeah."
Guy #1: "Will we sleep in the same bed? I mean we don't have to have sex or anything, I'm just wondering if we'll sleep in the same bed."
Guy #2: "Sure. I don't want to be one of those crotchety old couples that sleep in separate beds."
(pause)
Guy #2: "Plus, why wouldn't we have sex?"
- State and Lake
-- Submitted by Haynes |
| posted by Ziggy @ 11:32 AM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| There go my weekend plans. |
Woman: "Do you know it's illegal now to fish off of a camel?"
- Lincoln Park Zoo
-- Submitted by MatilDa |
| posted by Ziggy @ 11:31 AM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Depends on what kind. |
Guy #1: "Why are you just standing in the alley?"
Guy #2: "Because if I look at porn in the street, people will think I'm some kind of weirdo."
- Alley between Michigan Ave./Wabash Ave. and Lake Street
-- Submitted by Alex Redman |
| posted by Ziggy @ 11:27 AM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Friday, April 18, 2008 |
| Technically, that's future family time. |
Guy #1: "What's the weekend plan?"
Guy #2: "Family time."
Guy #1: "Are you two going to your parent's house?"
Guy #2: "No. We're going to try and make some babies."
- Green Line
-- Submitted by Long John |
| posted by Ziggy @ 12:22 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Ugh! That sweet smelling BITCH. |
Girl #1: "Ugh! That girl ALWAYS showers."
Girl #2: "Ugh! I know."
- Southport and Addison
-- Submitted by A.Rem |
| posted by Ziggy @ 12:21 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Coed boxing? |
Guy #1: "How'd you do?"
Guy #2: "Knocked him out in the first round."
Guy #1: "He must have been a huge pussy."
Guy #2: "No. He was tough."
Guy #1: "Yeah. With a bleeding vagina."
- South Loop
-- Submitted by Carlos |
| posted by Ziggy @ 12:19 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Thursday, April 17, 2008 |
| Isn't that one option? |
Guy: "...just stop blurting out whatever comes to mind."
Girl: "But I get so angry. He's wrong and he knows it."
Guy: "But when you get pissed, you lose your train of thought and sound like an idiot."
Girl: "No..I..."
Guy: "You have to options, Beth. You can either shut up or pipe down. It's your choice."
- Northwestern University
-- Submitted by Eloise |
| posted by Ziggy @ 5:53 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| You can't bake with that. |
Guy: (on cell) "...and the urinal cake smelled like cinnamon. Of course I tried, but then it smelled like cinnamon with pee on it. Kind of like urinamon."
- Red Line
-- Submitted by Cowboy Bob |
| posted by Ziggy @ 5:52 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| He's doing enough shouting. |
Crazed Man: "WHERE ARE ALL THE WIGGLEWORMS AT! SHOUT OUT BITCHES!"
- Outside Macy's downtown
-- Submitted by Hoot |
| posted by Ziggy @ 5:51 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| My apologies |
I've been interviewing people for a position at my company and things have been super crazy the past couple days. Updates tonite, I promise.
Z |
| posted by Ziggy @ 1:49 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Tuesday, April 15, 2008 |
| Or my wife. |
Girl: "Someone should tell him that she gets paid to be nice to him."
Guy: "Like a masseuse."
Girl: "Or a hooker."
- Elevator at Northwestern
-- Submitted by JD |
| posted by Ziggy @ 1:14 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Real fun? |
Girl: "I just want to have fun tonight. And be real. And also have fun."
- Wicker Park
-- Submitted by Jesse |
| posted by Ziggy @ 1:13 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| It's raining men? |
Loud drunk girl while jukebox is playing: "I've always wanted to have sex to this song!! Let's have a pants off dance off!"
- Hidden Shamrock
-- Submitted by Anonymous |
| posted by Ziggy @ 1:12 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Monday, April 14, 2008 |
| Keep moving up the scale, my friend. |
Guy: (on cell) "How far have you fallen that you can't get a 290 pound girl to talk to you?"
- Outside of Kincade's on Armitage
-- Submitted by Tall, Mysterious Blonde |
| posted by Ziggy @ 7:39 AM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| You can pick up chemo at Walgreens? |
Guy #1: "I need to go buy some Dayquil. I'm dying."
Guy #2: "Okay. So go to Walgreens."
Guy #1: "You're supposed to feel sorry for me and then go FOR me."
Guy #2: "Fuck that, dude. Get your lazy ass outside and get your medicine. It's not like you have cancer and I have to pick up THOSE meds."
- Northwestern
-- Submitted by Zebra |
| posted by Ziggy @ 7:36 AM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| You are what you eat, I guess. |
Girl: "What nationality are you? Are you Greek?"
Guy: "No. I'm not Greek."
Girl: "Are you sure?"
Guy: "Yeah. I'm sure. I'm not Greek."
Girl: "Well, have you ever eaten that flaming cheese?"
Guy: "Saganaki?"
Girl: "See! I knew you were Greek!"
- Sport Clips, Downtown
-- Submitted by Lily |
| posted by Ziggy @ 7:34 AM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Friday, April 11, 2008 |
| Quench your thirst. |
Guy #1: "I'm thirsty."
Guy #2: "Water?"
Guy #1: "Nah. I'm in a meat and potatoes mood."
- State and Jackson
-- Submitted by Adalius |
| posted by Ziggy @ 9:23 AM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| And the problem is? |
Woman: "Excuse me, Ma'am. It appears that your breast has fallen out of your bra."
- Purple Line Platform
-- Submitted by John |
| posted by Ziggy @ 9:21 AM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| But. He's. And you're. I doubt it. |
Guy #1: "You're going to have to leave."
Guy #2: "I guess the Obama campaign clearly doesn't like black people."
- Obama Campaign Office
-- Submitted by Sebastian |
| posted by Ziggy @ 9:20 AM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Thursday, April 10, 2008 |
| Yes. Surgically. |
Guy #1: "I need to go the gym more."
Guy #2: "You mean more than zero times a week?"
Guy #1: "Totally. Do you think I could lose 200 pounds in the next 6 months?"
- North Park University
-- Submitted by Sal |
| posted by Ziggy @ 1:20 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Where can I get the men's formula? |
Guy: "When did you hair start smelling like crap?"
Girl: "It must be my new shampoo."
Guy: "You need to stop using it. What's it called?"
Girl: "Go to hell for women. I'm trademarking it soon."
- Loyola University
-- Submitted by Jackie |
| posted by Ziggy @ 1:19 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| The email or the, uh, 'meat?' |
Girl: (on cell) "Any email you send is going straight to the spam folder from now on, you jerk. No. YOU'RE spam."
- Wrigleyville
-- Submitted by Frankie |
| posted by Ziggy @ 1:18 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Wednesday, April 09, 2008 |
| Uh. One? |
Girl #1: "How many guys can you date in one night?"
Girl #2: "How many nights do I have to find out?"
- Loyola
-- Submitted by Lees |
| posted by Ziggy @ 12:17 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Super sweet. |
Guy: "All I know is that if it's Tang and it's not sugar free, then it's OBVIOUSLY sweet."
- Dominick's, Near Loyola
-- Submitted by Matilda |
| posted by Ziggy @ 12:14 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Scent is important. |
Guy: (no cell) "I don't need a damn gun! I need a shovel, some dirt, and an air freshener."
- Red Line
-- Submitted by Rebby |
| posted by Ziggy @ 12:13 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Tuesday, April 08, 2008 |
| Please be making a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle |
Guy: (on cell) "Whatever dude. If we don't do it, who's going to? It's not going to genetically mutate on it's own!"
- Union Station Fitness Formula Club
-- Submitted by Willie |
| posted by Ziggy @ 9:46 AM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| That's not arrogance. |
Woman #1: "I'm telling you: When I walk in, the room is going to part like the Red Sea."
Woman #2: "Do you smell that?"
Woman #1: "Smell what?"
Woman #2: "It's arrogance. And it's coming right out yo' ass!"
- Swissotel
-- Submitted by Don |
| posted by Ziggy @ 9:44 AM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Laziness does not equal illiteracy |
Woman: "Can you look up Terry's number on google or something for me? "
Man: "Sure. Hold on." (pulls up the number) "Here it is."
Woman: "Can you read it to me? Or just write it down?"
Man: "Why can't you do it yourself?"
Woman: "I can't read."
Man: "So, if I write it down, how the hell are you going to dial the number?"
- Loop Office Building
-- Submitted by Pastey |
| posted by Ziggy @ 9:41 AM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Monday, April 07, 2008 |
| Let's go play with some clay. While in hay. What do you say? |
Guy: (talking while texting) "Enough with the puck! I never text hockey, I always mean suck! Fuck!"
- Northwestern
-- Submitted by ADF |
| posted by Ziggy @ 12:43 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Just stop sleeping, no? |
Girl: "Why does her sex life revolve around MY sleeping patterns?"
- UIC
-- Submitted by Apeface |
| posted by Ziggy @ 12:41 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Next time wear long sleeves? |
Young girl hysterically crying with mascara running down her face: "I don't know what was going on. This girl in the crowd just kept licking my arm."
- House of Blues Bathroom
-- Submitted by Jen |
| posted by Ziggy @ 12:38 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Thursday, April 03, 2008 |
| At least he'll be able to drink and eat his misery away |
Girl #1: "Do you think you guys can make it to the party?"
Girl #2: "Will there be alcohol there?"
Girl #1: "Yes."
Girl #2: "Food?"
Girl #1: "Yes."
Girl #2: "Guys I can make out with in front of my boyfriend?"
Girl #1: "Check and check."
Girl #2: "I'm in."
- Northwestern University
-- Submitted by Travis |
| posted by Ziggy @ 1:03 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| That probably won't fix the problem. |
Guy: "My back hurts."
Girl: "Do you want me to kick you in the nuts?"
- Loyola University
-- Submitted by Ramblin' Man |
| posted by Ziggy @ 1:01 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Sounds like a party |
Guy: (on cell) "All I saw was flailing arms, shrugging shoulders, tons of empty bottles, streamers, and a pet dalmation."
- Roosevelt and State
-- Submitted by Kyle |
| posted by Ziggy @ 1:00 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Wednesday, April 02, 2008 |
| Or just sit down. Shut up. It's manly. |
Guy #1: "I'm so tired of losing phones by having them fall in the toilet."
Guy #2: "So stop talking on the phone when you're taking leaks."
Guy #1: "I'm not talking, I'm playing video games. And I usually get all sweaty from nerves."
- Metra South Shore
-- Submitted by Grossed Out
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| posted by Ziggy @ 10:33 AM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| What plug? Insulin plug. |
Guy: "If I ever become a diabetic, just pull the plug."
- Michigan Ave.
-- Submitted by Meeka |
| posted by Ziggy @ 10:30 AM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| All Jews have a relationship with Christ. Have you heard about Easter? |
Old Guy: "Do you have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ?"
Girl: "I'm Jewish."
Old Guy: "Do you go to church?"
Girl: "I go to synagogue."
Old Guy: "Is that a Catholic church?"
- #8 Halsted Bus
-- Submitted by Jew on the Bus |
| posted by Ziggy @ 10:27 AM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Tuesday, April 01, 2008 |
| The real money is in Urology |
Trixie: (on cell) "You should really go to The Triangle on Saturday night. There's a cardiologist convention in town."
- Brown Line
-- Submitted by Dia |
| posted by Ziggy @ 10:04 AM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Sounds sexy. |
Preschool Girl: "I need to tell you something about God."
Teacher: "What's that?"
Preschool Girl: "God stuffed Jesus in Mary's tummy."
- North Suburban Preschool
-- Submitted by Dia |
| posted by Ziggy @ 10:02 AM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Mmmm....sandwich |
Dowager: "I don't know what this 'Facebook' is, but there is a group called 'Hilary: Drop out of the race and go make me a sandwich.' Disgusting."
- Financial Office on Michigan Ave.
-- Submitted by AJ |
| posted by Ziggy @ 10:00 AM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| About Me |
Name: Ziggy
Home: Morton Grove, Illinois, United States
About Me:
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