|
| Friday, September 28, 2007 |
| Trying to dash someone's dreams? |
Dad walking with daughter
Dad: (pointing to homeless guys) "Look! There are the other art majors."
- Columbia College
-- Submitted by Bea |
posted by Ziggy @ 7:44 AM   Del.icio.us Digg it! |
|
|
|
|
| Do they look like the mother or the father? |
Girl #1: "I just don't understand how poop as big as a watermelon comes out of a kid that's 1."
Girl #2: "Maybe she saves it up all day?"
Girl #1: "No way. I haven't taken a dump in weeks and I can't produce that stuff. This girl goes into labor and delivers fecal babies."
- Macy's, downtown
-- Submitted by Ro |
| posted by Ziggy @ 7:42 AM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
|
|
|
|
| At least you don't drink and drive. |
Guy: (on cell) "No, man. No drinking tonight. Or ever. Don't play stupid. 44 cuts and bruises later you know why. Yeah, but you guys dared me. I've jumped over the balcony on to a skateboard before. I had two beers in my hand. Lost my balance."
- Red Line
-- Submitted by Carol |
| posted by Ziggy @ 7:38 AM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
|
|
|
| Wednesday, September 26, 2007 |
| Start bobbing in the lake. Maybe Mr. Right will come around and save you. |
Trixie #1: "I do love him, but I'm not sure. I mean, he didn't even get me a decent gift for our one year anniversary. And he doesn't make that much money."
Trixie #2: "Well, money is important, but it's not everything. Maybe someday he'll make more."
Trixie #1: "But I really want a sailboat."
Trixie #2: "I know. If you can't afford your own boat, you'll just have to make friends with people who have boats."
Trixie #1: "I want it now!"
- Mambo Grill
-- Submitted by AnnoyedByBachelorettes |
| posted by Ziggy @ 7:23 AM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
|
|
|
|
| Must be a psych major |
College Guy #1: "How'd you do?"
College Guy #2: "Awesome! I got a 71%!"
College Guy #1: "I wouldn't say a 71% is awesome, but it's good that you passed."
College Guy #2: "Whatever, bro. Degree eligible passing means I get a diploma. That diploma proves to my dad that I'm not as retarded as he says I am."
- Loyola University
-- Submitted by Ramblin' Man |
| posted by Ziggy @ 7:20 AM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
|
|
|
|
| Very carefully |
New Mom: "...but, if you'll excuse me, I have to go freeze my milk."
Genius: "How do you do that while it's still in your breast?"
- Mt. Prospect
-- Submitted by Genevieve |
| posted by Ziggy @ 7:17 AM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
|
|
|
| Tuesday, September 25, 2007 |
| They're at the zoo now? |
Teen Girl: "Let's go to the Australia House! I want to see the emos!"
- Brookfield Zoo
-- Submitted by Anne Hedonia |
| posted by Ziggy @ 7:22 AM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
|
|
|
|
| I agree with the order. |
Guy #1: "I'm going to quit."
Guy #2: "But you don't have another job yet."
Guy #1: "But I've been on five interviews. One of them will hit."
Guy #2: "And if it doesn't?"
Guy #1: "I'm just going to sell my wife. Then my kids. Then maybe the car."
Guy #2: "At least you have your priorities straight."
- Red Line
-- Submitted by Francisco |
| posted by Ziggy @ 7:20 AM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
|
|
|
|
| Ahhhh, high school |
Dork #1: "You going to get Halo 3 tonight?"
Dork #2: "I'm going to wait in line right after school. I want to be the first one to get it."
Dork #1: "Totally. I want to get as many achievements as possible before I get to bed."
Dork #2: "Me too."
Guy: "Hey nerds. Are you guys seriously getting wood over a gamerscore? You do realize you can't trade those points for a girlfriend and a real life, right?"
- Niles West High School
-- Submitted by Elon |
| posted by Ziggy @ 7:16 AM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
|
|
|
| Friday, September 21, 2007 |
| One track mind. |
Student #1: "We getting drunk tonight?"
Student #2: "Nah. I'm hanging out with a new chick."
Student #1: "So let's all get drunk."
Student #2: "It's Wednesday and we're going to be studying."
Student #1: "That's fine. You can drink and study at the same time."
Student #2: "No. We have a test coming up. I have to do well."
Student #1: "What better way to relax than to get shitty?"
Student #2: "I don't know. How about studying the material, knowing it going in, and doing well on the test? That seems to be relaxing AND it gets me good grades."
Student #1: "But it doesn't taste as good."
- UIC CCC
-- Submitted by Al |
| posted by Ziggy @ 10:15 AM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
|
|
|
|
| Interesting course of action |
Woman: (on cell) "Have you changed her? Fed her? Burped her? Is she tired? Gassy? Oh, wait, John. Has she tried to eat your nose? That always seems to work."
- Metra Milwaukee District North
-- Submitted by Rider |
| posted by Ziggy @ 10:14 AM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
|
|
|
|
| Ghost phone theory |
(Cell phone rings)
Guy #1: "You know. I haven't had a cell phone in almost three years, but every time one rings, I have to see if it's mine."
Guy #2: "Does it happen with certain rings?"
Guy #1: "No. It happens with any ring. I don't remember what mine was, so I always check my pockets to see if it's in there. Hiding. Taunting me. Ready to strike."
- Blue Line
-- Submitted by Jenny |
| posted by Ziggy @ 10:12 AM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
|
|
|
| Thursday, September 20, 2007 |
| I'd be more impressed if she turned meat into cash. |
Girl: "It's still boggles my mind that I can turn meat into milk."
Guy: "It's like you're a breast feeding Jesus."
- Skokie
-- Submitted by Rena |
| posted by Ziggy @ 10:13 AM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
|
|
|
|
| That's called death, sweetie. |
Girl: (on cell) "Does your brain ever shut the hell up?"
- Grant Park
-- Submitted by Queenie |
| posted by Ziggy @ 10:12 AM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
|
|
|
|
| Unless he wanted to make them cluck like chickens. |
Guy #1: "...and I kept searching but I couldn't find the course."
Guy #2: "There's no course for hypnosis, dude. And even if there was, it's not like it would make you any better with women."
- Red Line
-- Submitted by Loopy Larry |
| posted by Ziggy @ 10:10 AM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
|
|
|
| Wednesday, September 19, 2007 |
| Must suck to be e-cool |
College Girl: "That's the girl who added me on Facebook, but won't say hi to me in real life."
- Columbia College Elevator
-- Submitted by Alexandria |
| posted by Ziggy @ 10:03 AM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
|
|
|
|
| Touche, sir. |
Guy #1: "I can't wait for the new season of shows to start."
Guy #2: "Totally. That's when all the loser like you leave all the hot chicks to studs like me."
Guy #1: "Studs who can't talk about new shows!"
- DePaul
-- Submitted by Clyde |
| posted by Ziggy @ 10:02 AM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
|
|
|
|
| Everyone copes in their own way. |
Older Woman: (on cell) "I'm not going to the wake unless I can pick the music they're going to play. None of that creepy Jesus stuff. I want something that'll wake up the dead."
- Green Line
-- Submitted by High Roller |
| posted by Ziggy @ 10:01 AM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
|
|
|
| Tuesday, September 18, 2007 |
| Dirty mind |
Girl: (on cell) "Hey Robbie. What do you need help with? They're stuck where? Well pull them out. They can't be stuck that bad. How did you get them in their? No it's not funny. They're probably going to be a mess when you get them out of that thing. I'm not coming over to help you, I have to get to class. Pull them out and I'll check on them later. Bye."
Girl: (to friend) "That was Robbie. He put his geckos in the orange juice container and now they won't come out. He's such a dipshit."
- Blue Line
-- Submitted by Leonid |
| posted by Ziggy @ 9:44 AM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
|
|
|
|
| Only if you don't understand the piece. |
Girl: "Do you think it's better to be an artist or a musician?"
Guy: "Technically, those are both artists."
Girl: "Yeah, but one you listen to and the other you mock."
- Art Institute
-- Submitted by ZillaG |
| posted by Ziggy @ 9:42 AM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
|
|
|
|
| The intelligence of the student |
Guy #1: "...and I just got my credit card bill. I have no idea how I'm going to pay it."
Guy #2: "If you don't know how to pay it, then just pay a little bit. Finance charges will KILL you."
Guy #1: "I can't even afford the minimum."
Guy #2: "Then why'd you charge all that stuff to the card?"
Guy #1: "I just figured I could pay it with a different card. Just have it keep going back and forth. Balance transfers and stuff."
Guy #2: "And?"
Guy #1: "My parents wouldn't help me get a second card."
- UIC CCC
-- Submitted by Clambake |
| posted by Ziggy @ 9:40 AM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
|
|
|
| Monday, September 17, 2007 |
| These guys must be married. |
College Guy #1: "Does she talk?"
College Guy #2: "What do you mean does she talk? Of course she talks."
College Guy #1: "Oh, well I was just wondering cause I've never heard her talk before. I thought maybe she was mute."
College Guy #2: "Oh, no. She talks."
College Guy #1: "That would be pretty cool if she was mute though, wouldn't it?"
College Guy #2: "Yeah. That would be pretty fucking awesome."
- Red Line
-- Submitted by Nah Nah |
| posted by Ziggy @ 9:22 AM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
|
|
|
|
| She doesn't close out the show |
College girl: "I'm a music major studying voice."
Girl #2: "Oh, so you sing! Do you want to be on Broadway?"
Girl #1: "No, I study classical singing. I want to be a professional opera singer."
Girl #1: "Oh. So, why aren't you fat?"
- University Center on State St.
-- Submitted by Alexis |
| posted by Ziggy @ 9:21 AM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
|
|
|
|
| Compassion for your fellow man |
Girl: "I don't care if you have cancer or not! I'll still kick your ass!"
- Cinemark Movie Theater, Evanston
-- Submitted by Skeeech |
| posted by Ziggy @ 9:20 AM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
|
|
|
| Thursday, September 13, 2007 |
| Happy Jew Year! |
Because of the Jewish Holiday, Posts will be back Monday.
Z |
| posted by Ziggy @ 8:16 AM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
|
|
|
| Wednesday, September 12, 2007 |
| It's a vicious cycle. |
Girl: "So she called and wanted to know why you were so pissy."
Guy: "Did you tell her why?"
Girl: "I don't know why."
Guy: "Good. Great. Now you know why I'm in such a bad mood."
Girl: "Because I don't know why you're in a bad mood."
Guy: "Do you see the circle of anger you create?"
- Loyola
-- Submitted by Ramblin' Man |
| posted by Ziggy @ 9:26 AM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
|
|
|
|
| The Hancock it is. |
Old Woman 1: (confused) "Wait, which building is it?"
Old Woman 2: (yelling) "The one that looks like a vagina!!"
- Millenium Park
-- Submitted by Rachel |
| posted by Ziggy @ 9:19 AM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
|
|
|
| Tuesday, September 11, 2007 |
| Hooray for brains! |
Girl #1: "Did you hear what Sarah Silverman said about her kids? How can you call them mistakes?"
Girl #2: "She wasn't calling the kids mistakes, idiot. She was saying Britney treats them like mistakes. Why can't you think instead of just taking for something at face value."
Girl #1: "I just don't think Britney should be made into example. I mean, she's under a lot of pressure."
Girl #2: "A lot of pressure? The only pressure that girl feels is the pressure her weight puts on her knees. She's a perfect example of the most fucked up, white-trash parent out there. Instead of going clubbing 5 days a week, maybe she should spend time with her kids. Sorry. Spend time with her kids and NOT using them as coasters and ashtrays."
- UIC
-- Submitted by Michelle |
| posted by Ziggy @ 9:31 AM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
|
|
|
|
| Almost as good as Britney. |
Woman: (on cell) "I would talk longer, but I got to go home with my daughter and watch Ellen. We watch every day. My day ain't complete without Ellen. She has a lot of rhythm for a white girl."
- Red Line
-- Submitted by Alex |
| posted by Ziggy @ 9:30 AM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
|
|
|
|
| I hear they're doing amazing thing with teleportation devices. |
Disgruntled girl: "Damn! I was complaining about bus cuts but maybe we can cross the damn street!"
Friend: "How would we get to work?"
- In front of Water Tower Place
-- Submitted by JJ |
| posted by Ziggy @ 9:28 AM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
|
|
|
| Monday, September 10, 2007 |
| Math shmath |
Bears Fan #1: "There's only one thing I can't stand more than a Bears loss."
Bears Fan #2: "What's that?"
Bears Fan #1: "Women. And Children."
Bears Fan #2: "That's two things."
Bears Fan #1: "SHUT UP!"
- ESPN Zone
-- Submitted by Kyle |
| posted by Ziggy @ 9:51 AM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
|
|
|
|
| Someone call Miss Teen South Carolina! QUICKLY! |
Girl #1: "I just moved here from Providence."
Girl #2: "Oh? Where's that?"
Girl #1: "In Rhode Island."
Girl #2: "Oh, in New York?"
Girl #1: "No, Rhode Island."
Girl #2: "Aw, right, like near Manhattan."
Girl #1: "No, the state. Rhode Island."
Girl #2: "Oh yeah! That's real small isn't it? It's up by Maine? I'm picturing my US Map."
- E 53rd and Blackstone
-- Submitted by AR |
| posted by Ziggy @ 9:49 AM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
|
|
|
|
| For safety or tips? |
Police Officer: "It's just great in here! You can just sit and eat whatever! I could spend all day in here!"
Barista: "We could definitely use you in the morning."
- Belmont and Clark Starbucks
-- Submitted by maitri |
| posted by Ziggy @ 9:48 AM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
|
|
|
| Friday, September 07, 2007 |
| In trouble? More like, in her pants. |
Drunk, Middle-Aged Guy#1: "That girl in the white pants. Right there. No underwear. She definitely isn't wearing any underwear."
Drunk, Middle-Aged Guy#2: "Oh man. If that was me, we would be in trouble!"
- Near Wrigley Field
-- Submitted by Ewwww |
| posted by Ziggy @ 11:05 AM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
|
|
|
|
| Cracker Barrel is everywhere. |
Man: "There are no Cracker Barrels around here! There is no Cracker Barrel!"
Child: "Why should I believe you? You've been lying to me all day."
- Ikea, Schaumburg
-- Submitted by Sick of Ikea |
| posted by Ziggy @ 11:04 AM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
|
|
|
|
| It's right near the new Wacama |
Girl (cell): "Oh you know what, I bet I know where you could get that: Appalachia."
- Broadway
-- Submitted by Amanda |
| posted by Ziggy @ 11:03 AM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
|
|
|
| Wednesday, September 05, 2007 |
| Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match! |
Homeless Guy: "What do you want to be when you grow up? Hey you, what are you gonna be?"
Guy: "A lawyer."
Homeless dude: "What about you?"
Girl: "Rich!"
Homeless dude: "Sally, meet Harry. He gonna be a lawyer and you gonna be rich. A match made in heaven if I ever saw one."
- Red Line, 2 AM
-- Submitted by Maria |
| posted by Ziggy @ 9:08 AM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
|
|
|
|
| Well la-de-da, Princess Cleanytown. |
Woman: (on cell) "I don't understand why he doesn't like me. He likes that dirty girl from target. At least I shower."
- Diversey and Clark
-- Submitted by DM |
| posted by Ziggy @ 9:07 AM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
|
|
|
|
| Who needs sweatshops? |
Girl: "Guess what, guys? She's only 50% psychotic. So that means if we get her working on an assembly line and doing an 8 ball, we'll be good-to-go!"
- Water Tower Place
-- Submitted by Greeny |
| posted by Ziggy @ 9:05 AM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
|
|
|
| Tuesday, September 04, 2007 |
| The sad part: He wasn't really drunk. |
Drunk Bears Fan: "Look at those Velociraptors trying to bone each other!"
- Outside the Field Museum
-- Submitted by Marie
Hope you all had a good holiday. Don't forget to check out the store! |
| posted by Ziggy @ 10:09 AM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
|
|
|
|
| Chivalry is dead |
Guy #1: "She's like 24 and he's like 36."
Guy #2: "Dude, he's going to be dead in about 20 years, then what is she going to do?"
Guy #1: "I'm not gonna date her."
- Brown Line
-- Submitted by CDM |
| posted by Ziggy @ 10:08 AM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
|
|
|
|
| You have to be a Thetan Level 900? |
Guy#1: "Be careful. It's a high security area."
Guy #2: "They got laser beams in there."
Guy #1: "You got to be Tom Cruise to get in there."
- Northwestern University
-- Submitted by Ivan |
| posted by Ziggy @ 10:07 AM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
|
|
|
|
|
| By submitting a dialogue to this web site, you are granting the site an unlimited right to republish the dialogue in any online or printed form. This right is semi-exclusive, retained also by the eavesdropper and the speakers of the dialogue. |
| About Me |
Name: Ziggy
Home: Morton Grove, Illinois, United States
About Me:
See my complete profile
|
| Important Links |
| |
