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| Wednesday, October 31, 2007 |
| Why do girls have to look for that in everything? |
Girl: "Do you ever wonder why certain words mean certain things?"
Guy: "If I do, I just look up their etymology."
Girl: "Yeah, but what if you want to find their true, deep meanings?"
Guy: "You mean like the word 'retard?'"
- North Park University
-- Submitted by Lo-Ki |
posted by Ziggy @ 11:47 AM   Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| That's a blanket statement |
Guy: "All cats are gay. Completely gay."
- Loyola
-- Submitted by Eti |
| posted by Ziggy @ 11:46 AM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| See ya. |
Bum: "Either you all are givin' me some change, or I'm going to jump into the lake. When I find Atlantis, you guys going to be crazy mad."
- Outside Sears Tower
-- Submitted by Raven |
| posted by Ziggy @ 11:45 AM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Tuesday, October 30, 2007 |
| What's the new stupid? |
Girl: "I'm on a hunger strike. Hunger strikes are the new annorexia"
Friend: "Oh, can we go yet?"
Girl: "Hold on a sec, my hunger strike is about to taste like hash browns."
- Rock N' Roll McDonalds
-- Submitted by Ayen |
| posted by Ziggy @ 11:03 AM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Knowledge is power |
Woman: "My boss was being such a pain. And I'm like, I've taken THREE management courses. COURSES! Granted, I've never been in a management position."
- Wendys on Clark & Madison
-- Submitted by Tormented by the most boring conversation ever |
| posted by Ziggy @ 11:01 AM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| THIS is why we have GPS navigation. |
Old socialite: "Is this where the third floor lecture room is?"
Twenty-something secretary: "This is the second floor."
Old socialite: "Oh. So where is the third floor?"
- Loop Office
-- Submitted by BH |
| posted by Ziggy @ 10:59 AM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Monday, October 29, 2007 |
| If it was a cheetah..... |
Girl #1: "It's so cold out. A perfect day to roast Devin Hester."
Girl #2: "Stop calling the chicken Devin Hester!"
- Loyola
-- Submitted by Amused |
| posted by Ziggy @ 9:40 AM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| They don't sound as tasty as donuts. |
Guy: (on cell) "Honey. It's cold. No, I took a light jacket, but it's flippin' freezing. Well, I've got to be out here for a while. Yeah. I'm cold. It's so cold I feel like my nuts fell off. I'd prefer to call them 'fro-nuts.'"
- Vernon Hills Athletic Complex
-- Submitted by Soccer Stud |
| posted by Ziggy @ 9:35 AM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Is this tax deductible? |
Bum: "Hey there. Donate to the Johnny Walker research fund?"
- State and Wacker
- Submitted by Wished I'd had some money on me |
| posted by Ziggy @ 9:20 AM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Friday, October 26, 2007 |
|
Hey everyone,
Sorry about the irregular posting pattern the last couple of weeks. A lot of things going on that should be settled by Monday. Regular posts continue then.
Z |
| posted by Ziggy @ 10:26 AM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Wednesday, October 24, 2007 |
| Hope you like swimming. |
Woman #1: "Let's go on vacation."
Woman #2: "Where do you want to go?"
Woman #1: "Hawaii. I can see it now."
Woman #2: "We can't afford to fly there."
Woman #1: "Can't we hitch-hike?"
- Chase Tower
-- Submitted by Raspberry |
| posted by Ziggy @ 11:41 AM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Or your brain right out of your head. |
Girl: "We need a cleaning lady."
Guy: "No. You need a vacuum."
Girl: "Who would use it?"
Guy: "Uhm. You?"
Girl: "No way. Those things are scary. I've heard that vacuums can rip the skin right off of your body."
- Loyola
-- Submitted by Ramblin' Man |
| posted by Ziggy @ 11:39 AM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Start a union |
Woman: (on cell) "No you aren't! What about insurance?! Online surveys don't carry group benefits!"
- Red Line
-- Submitted by Train Rider |
| posted by Ziggy @ 11:38 AM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Tuesday, October 23, 2007 |
| Man logic |
Woman: "Are you ever going to help me with the kids?"
Man: "I try to help as much as I can."
Woman: "But you don't do anything. When I ask for help, you always say you can't, or you'll do it later, or some other excuse."
Man: "But, honey, you don't understand. The more I help, the more I cause problems. I can get in the way. I can do something wrong. I can mess something up. The more I'd help, the more you'd need to clean up after me. By NOT helping, I'm actually doing more than you think."
- Glenview
-- Submitted by Torpedo |
| posted by Ziggy @ 10:50 AM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Coaches are awesome. |
Coach: "This is the worst warmup I've ever seen!"
Player: "Come on, coach. We're tired. This is our fifth match."
Coach: "I don't care. Life is about perseverance. You have to push through and always dive at balls. If you don't consistently dive on everyone's balls, you'll never succeed."
- HS Volleyball tournament, North Burbs
-- Submitted by Poo |
| posted by Ziggy @ 10:47 AM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| A giraffe's head is higher. |
Girl: "Lets go home and get really high."
Boy: "That is all you we ever do. Is that the reason we are together?"
Girl: "Well..."
Boy: "I though so."
Girl: "What do I care? I am already higher than a giraffe's pussy."
- Berwyn Train Platform
-- Submitted by Victoria |
| posted by Ziggy @ 10:45 AM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Friday, October 19, 2007 |
| Someone send this question to Tom Skilling! |
Girl: "Oh my god! It's snowing!"
Guy: "Well, it's actually not because it's 76 degress out."
Girl: "Well, what's all this white stuff falling from the sky then, huh?"
Guy: "Um, it's raining, and that's fuckin' hail."
Girl: "If it's cold enough for hail then why can't it be snow?"
Guy: "BECAUSE IT'S 76 DEGRESS OUT!"
Girl: "Oh. Is that why it hurts when it hits you?"
- University Center
-- Submitted by Jessa Leigh |
| posted by Ziggy @ 8:55 AM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Good thing she was, uh, "kidding" |
Father: (on cell) "Do you think she even knows me? She doesn't like when I hold her or try and feed her. No, I'm not upset. She's only a few weeks old, but it seems like she hates me. Are you sure I'm the father? She looks a lot like, Jeff. WHAT?! That's not funny. I had divorce papers all written up in my head already!"
- Green Line
-- Submitted by Keith |
| posted by Ziggy @ 8:53 AM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| I hope it was in the fridge. |
Guy #1: "What'd you bring?"
Guy #2: "Cold pizza and a coke. You?"
Guy #1: "Cottage cheese sandwich."
Guy #2: "Sounds awesome. Was that all that was left in the fridge?"
Guy #1: "No. There was ketchup. But ketchup doesn't go well with cottage cheese."
- UIC CCC
-- Submitted by Flame On |
| posted by Ziggy @ 8:52 AM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Thursday, October 18, 2007 |
| It depends what age group he's in. |
Woman: "Well, I need a hair cut. I was thinking of cutting it really short just for fun, but my hair is so curly. And I'm pretty sure my boyfriend doesn't want to date Sophia from the Golden Girls."
- North and Clybourn
-- Submitted by April |
| posted by Ziggy @ 11:36 AM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| So, that's a no? |
Woman: (on cell) "She wants HOW MUCH?! Per week?! For that kind of money she needs to have that baby for me, make sure she poops cash, and better have the house encrusted in diamonds!"
- Red Line
-- Submitted by Donut Hole |
| posted by Ziggy @ 11:35 AM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Turn off the video games. |
Crazy hobo: "How do you get out of kill mode? Can't somebody tell me how to get out of kill mode?!"
- Broadway and Sheridan
-- Submitted by JeffRob |
| posted by Ziggy @ 11:30 AM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Monday, October 15, 2007 |
| Just do what everyone else does and go as the Burger King King |
Guy #1: "So what are you going to the party dressed as?"
Guy #2: "I don't know. Nothing too crazy. I'm not big on dressing up."
Guy #1: "You want to do a tandem thing?"
Guy #2: "Like dress up in related costumes?"
Guy #1: "Yeah. We could figure something out and make it really funny."
Guy #2: "Yeah, no. Unless you're a hot chick and I'm having sex with you on a frequent basis, we're not going to the party as a couple. Besides, I don't even think that's legal in 36 states."
- DePaul
-- Submitted by Tia |
| posted by Ziggy @ 9:17 AM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Just because she cares |
Girl: (on cell) "Yes, I'm going to class. No, I don't have a test. No, my teachers are fine. Yes, I'm on the bus. No, I didn't forget to do any of the work. Yes, I studied. Gross, mom. I'm not telling you about my sex life. Fine, Mom. Fine. Fifty guys. On Saturday. In the morning. At once. Well then don't ask!"
- UIC
-- Submitted by Gail |
| posted by Ziggy @ 9:15 AM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| The first step is admitting you have a problem |
Woman: (cell phone) "Well, I gotta go to church tomorrow. Yeah, I go to church! I work in a porn store and I have a drinking problem. Baby, I need Jesus."
- #36 Bus
-- Submitted by tiredmedstudent |
| posted by Ziggy @ 9:13 AM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Friday, October 12, 2007 |
| Go Tom Sawyer! |
Girl: "...yeah and he was almost EXACTLY like that guy Huckleberry Finn except I'd fuck him."
- Brown Line Station, Paulina
-- Submitted by Post-Grad Nothing |
| posted by Ziggy @ 7:38 AM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| The dedicated vegan |
Girl: "I'm cold."
Guy: "So get your coat."
Girl: "It's wool. I don't feel like using animal products anymore."
Guy: "Another awesome decision by you. And well thought out. Nice leather belt and shoes. And you ate bacon this morning. And I've seen you kill a ton of bugs."
Girl: "You can't just dive in with both feet. You have to start slow and progress."
- UIC
-- Submitted by Era |
| posted by Ziggy @ 7:34 AM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Looks like he needs to study more. |
Girl: "So I told him, 'We are having the best sex ever.' And he was like 'Nice!' So I said 'No, really we're not, okay.'"
- University of Chicago
-- Submitted by Custard |
| posted by Ziggy @ 7:32 AM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Wednesday, October 10, 2007 |
| I didn't know you had to reason with them. |
LSAT taker: "Dude, I totally had this dream last night that I was taking the test and doing really well. And then I got to the pixie logic section and couldn't answer anything and the proctor was all like, 'SOMEONE DIDN'T STUDY THEIR PIXIE REASONING!'"
- Hyde Park LSAT Test Center
-- Submitted by The Pixie Games Were Worse |
| posted by Ziggy @ 7:55 AM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| She must have been wearing all black. |
Girl: (on cell) "If I have to go to one more birthday party this week, I'm going to flip out. It's worse than going to a string of funerals."
- Blue Line
-- Submitted by No Way |
| posted by Ziggy @ 7:54 AM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Then try a bowl. With milk. |
Mom: "Sweetie? Do you want chicken or hot dogs for dinner?"
Little Girl: "I want cereal."
Mom: "No sweetie. Do you want chicken or hot dogs for dinner?"
Little Girl: "I want cereal."
Mom: "No. Chicken or hot dogs?"
Little Girl: "No! Cereal!"
Mom: "I CAN'T PUT CEREAL ON THE GRILL!"
- Buffalo Grove
-- Submitted by Steeno |
| posted by Ziggy @ 7:52 AM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Tuesday, October 09, 2007 |
| Good call. |
Girl #1: "Let's go get drunk."
Girl #2: "Before class?"
Girl #1: "Is there a better way to take a test?"
Girl #2: "Yeah. Prepared. Dumbass."
- Loyola
-- Submitted by Denise |
| posted by Ziggy @ 7:58 AM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| You know what solves this? A laptop. |
Guy: (on cell) "So where do you expect the computer desk to go? It can't go there! That's where the dog is going to sleep. No. That's the TV room. Because a computer doesn't go in a TV room. Then it's not a TV room. Fine. How about we just put it where you'd be living because we're not moving in together?"
- Metra Milwaukee District North
-- Submitted by Evan |
| posted by Ziggy @ 7:55 AM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Because of heat exhaustion |
Spectator: "GO BIG MOMMA!"
Runner: "Somehow I don't think Big Daddy is getting action tonight."
- Marathon, South Side
-- Submitted by Finisher (congrats!) |
| posted by Ziggy @ 7:55 AM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Monday, October 08, 2007 |
| No. That's big APPLE. |
Twenty-something: "So I'm finally applying to grad school. Right now I'm looking at the east coast but I'm not sure I could handle New York City."
Friend: "Oh, don't even worry! New York is just Chicago with assholes. If you made it okay with a family like yours, you'll do just fine."
- Watertower Place
-- Submitted by April |
| posted by Ziggy @ 7:59 AM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| She wasn't my..er..his sister! |
Tween girl: "So have you ever kissed a girl?"
Boy: "No."
Tween girl: "OH my gosh! That's so cute! Well have you ever held a girl's hand?"
Boy: "Yeah."
Tween girl 2:"Yeah, probably his sister's."
- Union Station
-- Submitted by Maria |
| posted by Ziggy @ 7:57 AM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Sounds like a solid plan. |
Guy: "I'm not going to bed tonight until I get an 8-ball. And then I'm not going to bed."
- #22 Bus
-- Submitted by 8-balls are fun and easy! |
| posted by Ziggy @ 7:56 AM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Thursday, October 04, 2007 |
| Someone needs to practice the art of suave |
Girl: "I'm so excited. This is my first job."
Guy: "Awesome. Did you go to college?"
Girl: "Yeah. Just graduated."
Guy: "In?"
Girl: "I was a communications major with a minor in drama."
Guy: "For real? Or are you saying you're a drama queen?"
- Arlington Heights
-- Submitted by Dave |
| posted by Ziggy @ 7:43 AM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Yeah. No big deal. |
Girl: (on cell) "...well, what do you feel like? Yeah. I felt that way once, too. I bet it's Hepatitis A. Or B. Or C. Either way, you should probably stay in bed and drink some soup."
- Green Line
-- Submitted by Imp |
| posted by Ziggy @ 7:40 AM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Must be a college thing |
Hipster chick: "He what!? De-friending on facebook is the ultimate hell-no!"
- 8th street
-- Submitted by Ayen |
| posted by Ziggy @ 7:39 AM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Wednesday, October 03, 2007 |
| They taste the same. |
Girl #1: "What are you drinking?"
Girl #2: "Water, I think. Or vodka. I can never tell the difference."
- Loyola
-- Submitted by Angel |
| posted by Ziggy @ 7:38 AM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| That's a spicy meat-a-ball! |
Guy: (on cell) "I'm at Jewel, honey. Because I don't wanna go somewhere and spend 30 bucks on a plate of spaghetti!"
- Jewel-Osco, Montrose and Sheridan
-- Submitted by Jennifer |
| posted by Ziggy @ 7:37 AM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Tuesday, October 02, 2007 |
| It depends who you call Santa |
Small Child: "Daddy, when you're in college does Santa still bring you presents?"
- Baker's Square, Skokie
-- Submitted by Kim |
| posted by Ziggy @ 7:49 AM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| A guy's brain. |
Guy #1: "We're gonna be so late."
Guy #2: "I know a shortcut."
Guy #1: "A shortcut? How do you take a short cut walking between buildings?"
Guy #2: "Instead of going through, we're going around."
Guy #1: "That's going to take longer. The shortest distance, two points, straight line, you remember that jazz?"
Guy #2: "Damn it. The straight line doesn't have the hot chick with a huge rack that always sits on THAT side of the building!"
- UIC
-- Submitted by Carlos |
| posted by Ziggy @ 7:47 AM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| BLONDE! |
College Girl: "Did you know that only humans and dolphins have sex for fun? The others just do it for recreation."
- Red Line
-- Submitted by Anne |
| posted by Ziggy @ 7:46 AM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| About Me |
Name: Ziggy
Home: Morton Grove, Illinois, United States
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