Harsh.

Guy #1: "Holy cow! Dave! How are ya!?"

Guy #2: "Uh. Good. I'm sorry, I don't..."

Guy #1: "Liam. New Trier High School. 1995!

Guy #2: "Oh. Yeah. Hey."

Guy #1: "Man, what are you up to nowada..."

Guy #2: "Look. It's been 12 years since we've seen each other. About ten years since I cared how you were doing. My life is different. the people I speak with are different, and I don't feel like reminiscing about the 'good old days.' Let's just go our separate ways and be who we are."

Guy #1: "Just like old times man. You're such a straight shooter! I love that about you!"

- Water Tower Place

-- Submitted by Floyd

Except in Supern Bowls.

Girl: "Indy is like a mini-Chicago."

Guy: "Yeah. Really, really mini."

- Streeterville Bus, Wacker Drive

-- Submitted by Cheri

I wasn't in the vicinity at the time.

Guy: "Oh my god, it IS true! Look at the size of that thing."

- Logan Square

-- Submitted by Kamil

That's grandma, all right.

Flamboyant Man: (on cell) "Remember that shampoo he got from Grandma? That 'Silver Fox' shampoo?"

- Armitage El Stop

-- Submitted by Maim

That's grandma, all right.

Flamboyant Man: (on cell) "Remember that shampoo he got from Grandma? That 'Silver Fox' shampoo?"

- Armitage El Stop

-- Submitted by Maim

Chicago Housing: Affordable.

Girl: "Is that the phone number or the price on that for sale sign?"

- Sheridan Road on the North Shore

- Submitted by Nic

Uh, are eggs supposed to be that color?

Mom:"Ooooh! Cool! An Elephant egg!"

- Lincoln Park Zoo

-- Submitted by Kat

This message will self-destruct in 10 seconds.

Voice on voicemail: "Hi, honey. It's me. You have one mission and one mission alone today. Should you not accept this mission, there will be hell to pay. You are to come home immediately after work and make rhubarb crisp. Repeat, rhubarb crisp. Again, if the rhubarb crisp is not being made, the consequences will be dire. (pause) FOR YOU! Love you bye."

- West Suburban Office

-- Submitted by Janet

It's a slippery slope.

Mom: "You have to send her to the zoo."

Manager: "But the bus with the car seats broke down."

Mom: "No. You listen to me. This kid has been making animal noises for a week and almost pees her pants every time we mention it. If you don't send her to the zoo, it will crush her. It will cause a permanent scar to never leave her fragile young mind which will be left to fester in its pain and anguish. She will grow up a broken, miserable woman who will not know love. Is that what you want?"

Manager: "Uh. I think we'll send her."

- North Side Day Care

-- Submitted by Max

But they don't actually hurt you.

Guy: (on cell) "Yeah, yeah. Sticks and stones will break your bones but names will lower your self esteem which helps me kick you while you're down."

- Green Line

-- Submitted by Joan

One of them HAS TO be better.

Guy #1: "... no chance of a comeback with Detroit and Cleveland playing so well."

Guy #2: "Well, then let's start trading for talent."

Guy #1: "What if we traded the pitching staff for Rex Grossman?"

Guy #2: "Rex Grossman would just start lobbing pitches into the stands and the Bears still wouldn't have a quarterback."

-Blue Line

-- Submitted by Jeff F.

The lake is full again. Get to it!

Homeless Man #1: "Man, what's wrong with that guy?"

Homeless Man #2: "What? What's wrong with him?"

Homeless Man #1: "He stinks. It rained the other day and he still hasn't taken a bath."

- State & Van Buren

-- Submitted by Amanda D.

Ba-Donk. A. Donk.

Crazy Lady in a Cowboys Jerset: "Why aren't you smiling? Smile! You got an ass on you! Hoo boy!" [maniacal laughter and clapping]

- Morse Red Line Stop

-- Submitted by Spinner

Must have been important.

Guy #1: "Why didn't you ask?"

Guy #2: "I forgot."

Guy #1: "Why are you asking now?"

Guy #2: "I remembered."

Guy #1: "How does that happen?"

Guy #2: "I don't know. Sheer luck?"

- Wilmette Metra Station

-- Submitted by Lady Lisa

Have you checked his pulse?

Guy #1: "One worker called in for the millionth time this year and said he was sick, so I fired him. Another guy didn't bother showing up. Two guys were on vacation. My assistant was out. It was just me and Terry. And it was a crazy ass day."

Guy #2: "Why didn't you call your kid and tell him to come in? He could have helped."

Guy #1: "That would have been great. The only problem is that shlub doesn't know how to get up before never. I don't think I've seen him awake since he's turned 18."

- Brown Line

-- Submitted by Tropical

Around Wrigley, this is not helpful information.

Baseball Fangirl: (on cell) "...I'm over by the homeless guy."

- Wrigley Field

-- Submitted by JFil

Or perverts.

Girl #1: "That show 'Lil' Bush' looks pretty good."

Girl #2: "Your little bush looks pretty good. Wait. I probably shouldn't say that to someone I actually have to see again."

Girl #1: "Yeah, that line is best used on strangers."

- Clark and Newport

-- Submitted by Lisa

Wouldn't sobriety be worse at that point?

Drunk #1: "Hey, check out this magic trick!"(Does stupid magic trick)

Drunk #2: "That is not amusing. You're ruining my night. I hate you."

- #145 Bus

-- Submitted by Tim

Ambitious

Guy #1: "I need a new job."

Guy #2: "So get one. What do you want to do?"

Guy #1: "I'm thinking doctor or lawyer. Something that will bring in the money."

Guy #2: "Usually you need degrees for that stuff. GED's don't really get you into hospitals or law firms."

Guy #1: "How hard could it be? I figure one or two years from now, I can just finish the degree and rake in the cash."

- Red Line

-- Submitted by Fruitopia

The intricacies of the Jew.

Guy: (on cell) "...so I have to go sit shiva. No, it's like a mourning but over seven days. No it's a seven day thing. Yeah. Lots of food. Well, sheva means seven but shiva kind of means sitting. Yes, sitting. Yes, Lori, I'm going to sit sitting."

- Purple Line

-- Submitted by Jamie