But it's Grade A, right?

Man: "What kind of animal do you think that meat comes from? How many legs?"

Hipster: "4."

Man: "More."

Hipster: "10."

Man: "More."

Hipster: "100."

Man: "Wrong, it's zero. Earthworm. Your happy meal, not so happy."

- Blue Line

-- Submitted by Me (no, not me)

If you guys buy stuff, this little blurb will go away! Visit the store!

What happened to mints?

(Waiter brings out bill with a weight on top of it.)

Patron: "Is that a Pepperoncini?"

Waiter: "No sir, that is a rock."

Patron: "Oh."

- Flatwater

-- Submitted by Jillian

Kuala Lumpur and Taipei are kinda like New York, right?

Unimpressed Tourist: "This city is overrated. I mean, the Sears Tower? Big deal! There are about half a dozen buildings in New York taller than that."

- Chipotle on Ontario

-- Submitted by Julie

He's no Calvin Coolidge.

Sorority Girl #1: "I love Laura Bush. I think she's really pretty."

Sorority Girl #2: "I think George Bush is really hot. He's like one of those guys you'd see at a bar and I would totally go up to him and say 'Stop drinking.'"

- DePaul Student Center

-- Submitted by J.

Good thing she isn't allergic to stupid.

Girl: "...and he convinced me I was allergic to oranges. My favorite fruit!"

- Cafe Lula

-- Submitted by Lonewolf

It would have been cooler if you were the Terminator. In Moroccan.

Dude: "...and when I was in Morocco I was in this God-awful made-for-TV-movie where I played Moses."

- Ben's Noodles in Edgewater

-- Submitted by HNR

Only if you have liquids. Or boots.

Southern Tourist: "What? We don't check our luggage?"

- Clark and Lake 'L' Stop

-- Submitted by Kristen

Yup. Totally classy in Chicago.

Metra Girl: " Stop punching the back of my seat BITCH!"

Seat Puncher: "Excuse me?"

Metra Girl: "You heard me, Ho Bag."

- Metra North Line, Ravenswood

-- Submitted by Katherine

Master's degrees are important

Girl #1: "OH MY GOD! I haven't seen you in forever!"

Girl #2: "Seriously! What are you doing now?"

Girl #1: "Well, I just finished my master's degree in art and religion a year ago."

Girl #2: "Sounds awesome. What do you do with that?"

Girl #1: "Right now, I'm a dog walker. I'm hoping to become a groomer soon. It pays two more dollars an hour."

- Skokie Swift

-- Submitted by MoMo

Show Chicago that you're listening in! The gear is here!

Sure they do. They can run away.

Girl #1: "I hate when homeless people have dogs. I feel so sorry for them, they have to sleep on the concrete."

Girl #2: "You don't care that the people are homeless, just that they have homeless pets?"

Girl #1: "The dogs don't have a choice!"

- Clark and Van Buren

-- Submitted by Dumbfounded

Please be a female bartender. Please be a female bartender.

Guy: (on cell) "Dude, you're NOT going to go back and have sex with the bartender. Think about Janice!"

- Red Line

-- Submitted by Sid

Drunk people = funny

Drunk guy: "So, where are you from?"

Algerian Guy: "I am from Algeria.

Drunk guy: "Wow! I'm pretty good at geometry, but I don't where Algeria is."

- Getting into a cab near Lake Shore Drive

-- Submitted by Andy

Is he more attractive with beer goggles on?

Corner Preacher: "You don't need fornication and masturbation. Jesus will satisfy!"

- Outside of Old Navy on State

-- Submitted by Chi-Nanny

Loitering is cool, though.

Mom #1: "Girl, don't you see the sign? It says 'No Lottery in the Hallway.'"

Mom #2: "Fine, but I don't know why they care if I play lotto. Don't they get the monies?"

- West Side Elementary School

-- Submitted by JC

The rest is just metal and tires. Not worth a dime.

(Lady walks onto train with only her bicycle seat)

Guy: "What happened to the rest of your bike?"

Lady: "It got stolen."

Guy: "At least you have the nice part."

- Red Line

-- Submitted by T.C.

What happened to asking nicely?

Girl #1: "We need to get that 'bitch' pillow."

Girl #2: "Yeah! And put it on her bed!"

Girl #1: "Maybe she will get the hint and move out!"

Girl #2: "You know it. She is driving me mad!"

- Pet Boutique on State Street

-- Submitted by Bluebum

Damn positives.

Guy #1: "...some fruits are bad for you."

Guy #2: "Yeah. The have too much sugar, but the benefits outweight the positives."

- Blue Line - Harlem Stop

-- Submitted by Anthony

No, not mine. Mine. No. MINE!!!

Girl: (on cell) "We're here where are you? In front at the door? No we're in front. There's hardly anyone here and I dont' see you. What?!! Yeah we're at 'My Bar.' 'My Bar!' Oh, YOUR bar."

Guy: "See, I told you no one in there right mind would come here on purpose. This place is filled with people who thought they were meeting up with somone at 'their' bar."

- My Bar, 3555 N. Ashland Ave.

-- Submitted by JJ

Automatic out. Walking is for suckers.

Girl #1: "Wooo!!! Wooo!!!! Go White Sox!!! Hey, if there's 4 balls it's a walk, right?"

Girl #2: "Yeah."

Girl #1: "But what if there's already someone on base?"

- U.S. Cellular

-- Submitted by Rachel

Make the world a better place

Street wise vender: "One dollar is all it takes to keep me out of your house and the big house."

- Wacker and Madison

-- Submitted by Willy

Some Chicago girls are all class.

Angry Girl: "If anyone cuts in line while we walk over there I'm going to cut them. I'm not saying I adovcate violence. I'm just saying if I don't get on this shuttle I'm going to elbow and claw my way on."

- Loyola Water Tower Campus

-- Submitted by B

That's okay. They'll share.

Sandwich Lover: "Oooohhh! That looks good! I'll have what she's having!"

Subway Employee: "Do you want that one or do you want me to make you another one?"

- East Lakeview Subway

-- Submitted by Louweeza

Number? Use the Bat Signal!

Little Boy: "...but why can't I have my guns on here? I have to watch out for the bad guys! Bad guys are on trains!"

Woman: "If any bad guys come, we'll call the police."

Little Boy: "We should call Batman."

Woman: "I don't have Batman's number."

Little Boy: "You can get it off the Internet. Daddy gets everything off the Internet."

- Green Line

-- Submitted by Didi

Harder than the MCAT's

Woman: "My friend wants me to go to Japonais tonight but I really need to stay home and focus on giving myself a pedicure."

- Clear Channel - Chicago

-- Submitted by Michelle

Welcome, Redeyers!

A big welcome to all the readers of the Redeye. Feel free to look around, check out the archives, visit the store, and submit your own overheards!

Check back regularly as the site is updated 5 days a week. 7 if you guys start flooding my inbox.

On to the conversations!

"Z"

News is news.

Homeless Guy: "STREETWISE! STREETWISE!"

Sox Fan: "I'll take one."

(walks a few steps)

Sox Fan: "What the hell? This is the Evanston Sentinel!"

Homeless Guy: "A paper is a paper, man. Just leave it be."

- U.S. Cellular Field

-- Submitted by Stupid Tigers

Call Dr. Phil, stat!

Woman: (on cell) "WHAT?! WHO?! Does she NOT believe in birth control
or something?! That's all I'm going to say about that. I wish we
could talk about our relationship the way we talk about other people's."

- Red Line

-- Submitted by B

Someone check the predator registry

Guy: (loudly)" ...All I remember is that she techinically wasn't 18."
Guy: (in a whisper to friend) "Ohh, I shouldn't say that so loud."
Guy: (loudly)"...So the contract she signed wasn't valid."

- Old Navy on State

-- Submitted by JFT1

Good theory

Woman #1: "How can they open a new line when they don't have
any money?"

Woman #2: "It's not a new line, they just renamed the Blue Line for
cancer awareness."

- Quincy L Stop

-- Submitted by Mark

Batman would be jealous.

College Guy: "I'm telling you man, if I had Superman's powers, the world would be in DEEP trouble. I'd be a star playing in the NFL, NBA, and MLB, destroy all the criminals in the world, and I'd bring all the bitches to my Fortess of Solitude. Except, I'd change the name to the Fortress of Love."

- UIC

-- Submitted by Sparky

So, for you, it's Craptoberfest

Girl #1: "Work is going to have an early Octoberfest!"

Girl #2: "That's stupid. If it's not October, it can't be Octoberfest."

Girl #1: "But it's going to be awesome. It's our Septemberfest!"

Girl #2: "Yeah. Totally awesome. Why don't you just have Thanksgiving and Christmas rolled into one? And throw in the fourth of July. You can call it the Fourth of Thanksmas."

- Red Line

-- Submitted by Frank

Maybe you should have gone with paint.

Guy: (on cell) "EIGHT WEEKS ISN'T ENOUGH TIME?! It's WALLPAPER. What do you need, a year's notice? My kid's bar mitzvah is in 12 years. Can you start making the signage now just in god damn case?!"

- Evanston

-- Submitted by Wildkit

Romance is not dead, my friends.

Drunk Frat Guy: "Pocahontas! I am your John Smith. Let me DISCOVER you!"

- University Center, State and Congress

-- Submitted by Steph

M stands for MORE VODKA

Drunk guy: "R stands for RETARDED! Not REPUBLICAN!"

- Brown Line

-- Submitted by Maria

KIDS!!! BREAKFAST!!!!!!!!

Teenage Girl: "He said your ass tastes like Cornflakes."

- By Medici on 57th, Hyde Park

-- Submitted by Diana

Unfortunately, it's pretty true.

Girl: "Yeah, we're from the suburbs. We know how to get home. That's about it."

- Addison St. after a Cubs Game

-- Submitted by June

Nothing like a winter tan

Girl #1: "I'm seriously missing the beach already. They should keep it open all year round."

Girl #2: "What's the point of having a beach open in 8 inches of snow? It'll just give you frost bite."

Girl #1: "That's MY choice. My tax dollars pay for that beach and if I want to lay out when it's -10 degrees, I will."

- Northwestern Campus

-- Submitted by Kelly

Spinach does NOT boost intellect.

Vegan: (on cell) "But I love spinach. Now I can't eat it fresh? I'm not eating the frozen stuff. It's gross. Boiling won't help. It'll still be fresh, but wet and hot. Since when does boiling something kill bacteria, idiot?"

- Green Line

-- Submitted by Carly T.

I'm going to disagree

Frat Boy: "Whatever, dude. Stop being such a fag."

Frat Buddy: "You aren't gay if you're on top."

Frat Boy: "Touche, my friend."

- Niles

-- Submitted by Glenn

The Adult World

Suit: (on cell) "No. I don't wanna. I don't wanna go back to work. This project is stupid, my boss is a jerk, and I hate it. Can't I just come home and curl up with my honey-bunny? Pweeeeease? FINE! BYE!"

- Oak and Clark

-- Submitted by Radcakes

Don't forget to visit the Overheard in Chicago Store!

And she hates drunk guys.

Drunk guy: "Where's the cantaloupe?"

Waitress: "We're out of cantaloupe."

Drunk guy: "I HATE CANTALOUPE!"

- Le Sabre Restaurant

-- Submitted by Cindy

Are you a fish?

Woman: "I'm not a fish. I'm NOT a fish. I'm a MAMMAL, god damn it!"

- Metra entrance on Madison

-- Submitted by Spinner

Well, she's from Chicago, okay?

Woman: "I wonder what it's like to ski those mountains?"

Man: "We're in the Caribbean. It doesn't snow here."

- Cruise Ship near the Bahamas

-- Submitted by Julie

Rappin' Homeless People

Hobo: "Quarters are nice, dollars are better. Cans I recycle but paper goes in the shredder. HEY NOW! DROP SOME CHANGE OVAH HEEAH!"

- Library CTA Stop, Street Level

-- Submitted by Carlos G.

Second only to nuclear warheads

Girl: "Will you at least be my friend?"

Guy: "No."

Girl: "Have you ever been my friend?"

Guy: "No."

Girl: "Then why the hell have we been hanging out?"

Guy: "The poontang is a very powerful weapon."

- Loyola University

-- Submitted by Clyde G.

Loving both parents equally.

Young Girl: "Look mommy! Look at that house! Can we live there?! It's pretty! OOH! Look at that one too! Oh, I don't like that one. I guess Daddy can live there. "

- Red Line

-- Submitted by Annie

They aren't as absorbant.

Girl: "...and I totally ran out of tampons. I hope this one lasts 'til I can get some."

Male Friend: "Can't you just do what the old timers did and use some thatch and hay? Stop being such a princess about everything."

- Red Line

-- Submitted by Gray

The microwave doesn't have that setting

Drunk Woman: "Yeah, uh, can I get those well done."

- White Castle on Peterson and Clark

-- Submitted by Linda

Cool Stuff

Don't forget to visit the Overheard in Chicago Store! T's, Sweats, Mugs, and Bags. You'll be the life of the party if you buy this stuff! You want to be popular, don't you?

Back to overheard conversations!

Bait and annoy

Woman: "You okay? You look tired today."

Man: "Nah. I'm fine."

Woman: "No you're not. What's the matter?"

Man: "Nothin'. My kid just didn't sleep last night. Kept us awake last night."

Woman: "That's what you get for having kids. Don't start complaining about it now."

Man: "Why the hell would you do that?"

- Sears Tower Office

-- Submitted by Texas

Your rolling is painful

Guy: (punches himself in the face) "That's how I roll!!"

- Intersection of Lower Wacker and Lower Michigan

-- Submitted by Ziggy

There's a slight resemblance

(Family looking at fetus exhibit)

Boy: (high pitched mumble)

Dad: "What?"

Boy: (high pitched mumble)

Dad: "That ain't no damned seahorse, fool!"

- Museum of Science and Industry

-- Submitted by Sharona

Wrigley Field is not in London.

Rooftop Cubs Watcher: "What's all that smoke in center field?"

Cubs Fan: "That's just the fog coming off the lake."

- Waveland Ave Rooftop

-- Submitted by SFN

More Fatherly Love

Dad: "Where's your shoe at, boy?"

One Shoe Kid: "I lost it!"

Dad: "Well you better go find it before the gremlins find it and take you away. (Kid runs off.) And I won't help you!"

- Hyde Park

-- Submittesd by Elora

T-Shirt's here! Get your t-shirts!

Now you can show the world that you love (or at least don't hate) Overheard in Chicago!

The Overheard in Chicago Store

Be the COOOOLEST kid in your own house while showing some support for the site! Only a loser wouldn't buy a shirt. Or a mug. Or a bag.

Are YOU a loser?

The Overheard in Chicago Store

Feel free to leave your thoughts on the products.

Also, a big thanks to the Nick Digilio show for having me on Saturday Night. Andy, you're awesome. Your fans have submitted some great stuff that will be posted in the upcoming days.

Hopefully, he's not selling life insurance.

Manager: (on cell) "You have to scare the shit out of them! You have to make them think they're going to die without it."

- Rogers Park

-- Submitted by Gary

No. Just the smell.

Woman: "Have y'all been exposed to the goats yet?"

- Hyde Park

-- Submitted by Elora

Kindness begets anger

Concerned Citizen: "Why don't you offer her your seat, jerk?"

Sitting Guy: "I already did before you got on the train, asshole."

Pregnant Lady: "Yeah! He already offered it to me, asshole!"

- Purple Line

-- Submitted by Ziggy

High School Cliques: Revisited

Girl: "...it's NOT racist. We all said 'hi' to each other in the hallway and stuff. I'm just saying, they all used to sit at the same table at lunch."

Guy: "Okay, so it was like seperate BUT equal."

Girl: "Totally."

- Streeterville Office

-- Submitted by Wallfly

Guaranteed Road Rager

Guy: "If one more old person cuts me off I'm going to annihilate them."

Girl: "Leave it alone, dude. They're old."

Guy: "I don't care. If you're too short to see over the steering wheel, to afraid to drive over 3 miles an hour, or can't see a truck because you've got cataracts, you shouldn't be on the road."

Girl: "How are they supposed to get around?"

Guy: "I don't care. Old people suck. I'm going to end my life at 50 just so I don't become a burden on society like these other selfish assholes."

- Rogers Park

-- Submitted by Kyle

Everything except Faustus quotes

Guy #1: (pointing to second guy) "This guy knows everything."

Genius : "'I wish I knew everything.' Do you know who said that?"

Guy #1: "You did!"

Genius: "Faustus."

Guy #2: "I wish I knew that."

- Evanston

-- Submitted by slobbert

No woman has "happy fat."

Woman #1: "Oh my god, don't take this personally honey, but you got fat."

Woman#2: "That's because I'm pregnant."

Woman#1: "Oh! So it's the happy fat!"

- Northbrook Court

-- Submitted by Babaloooo

Alcohol can be relaxing

Guy: (on cell) "It doesn't matter. We were monkeying around anyway. Enough Southern Comfort makes you not give a damn about anything. You aren't better than me!"

- Highland Park

-- Submitted by Reary

That job is taken

Ambitious Young Man: ""I am going to become dictator (pause) of the United States."

- Fullerton on Red Line

-- Submitted by Devo

Mmmmm....tasty

Woman: "Ugh! These chips are salty!"

Girl: "If by salty you mean crunchy and delicious than hell yeah they're salty!"

- Morton Grove

-- Submitted by Miss Dee

If she gets turned on by stealing.....

College Girl: "...and he totally called me a kleptomaniac!!"

College Friend: "Really? Do you like sex that much?"

- Loyola

-- Submitted by Shoshie

I've seen that movie!

Movie Buff: "My favorite movie of all time? It's that one with Julia Roberts and has all those memorable lines in it."

Friend: "Which one? What lines?"

Movie Buff: "There's so many of them, I don't remember, but it's an awesome flick. I'll remember eventually. It's the best movie ever!"

- Skokie Panera

-- Submitted by Steen

Playing catch up!

Girl: "Why is it that fat girls don't always have a big ass unless they're huge?"

Guy: "It's not so much that they don't have a big ass, it's just that the rest of them has caught up."

- 55 E. Jackson

-- Submitted by Shear

Good friends are hard to find

UIC Guy #1: "I thought we were going running."

UIC Guy #2: "We are. Let's go."

UIC Guy #1: "No. No way. I'm not going running with someone who's wearing a collared shirt. I will not let you be 'that guy.'"

- UIC Commons West

-- Submitted by Cracker

Wait until you propose!

Ghetto girl: (on cell) "You wanna take me out? I could steal your damn car or kill your ass. What I'm saying is you don't know me, I could be some crazy bitch. And your ass wants to take me out?"

- Roosevelt and State

-- Submitted by Rya

When did Indiana move south?

Cubs Fan: "We used to have corn in Indiana, but now all we have is inbreeding."

- Outside of Wrigley Field

-- Margarita

Maybe it's dry ringworm.

Girl #1: "So I had this red patch of dry skin, and I went to the doctor and he took, like, 4 vials of blood from it and told me I have ringworm."

Girl #2: "Really?"

Girl #1: "But then I went to another doctor and he said 'All you have is dry skin.'"

- Sherman Ave., Evanston

-- Submitted by Anne

Yeah. "Blacked-out."

Girl #1: "Scotty is blacked-out again and grabbing boobs."

Girl #2: "He is such a perv. Can't he just have a couple of beers and not molest girls?"

- Will's on Racine and Nelson

-- Submitted by Marty

Hello, Dundalinger.

Emo Dude: "...and it's just another horrible day in the life of Amanda."

Amanda: "Seriously. I've been at this college for two days and already the whole university staff hates me. I think I should start making out with professors."

Emo Dude: "Maybe you should start by actually going to class."

- Loyola University

-- Submitted by Arturo

The signs...they have shifty eyes...

Old Woman: "Don't you know where the hell you're going? We can't just keep going straight!"

Teen Companion: "It's fine. It's on State, so it must be a little farther up ahead."

Old Woman: "You trust these street signs? You idiot! The streets can change names at any time! Don't be a fool!"

- State Street

-- Submitted by Glob