Thursday, December 28, 2006

Happy New Year!

I'll be traveling over the next few days, so no new updates until Tuesday. If you drive, don't drink, and if you drink, make sure you remember funny conversations.

Until then, have a Happy New Year!

Back to overheard conversations!

P.S. Bears fans: you may want to check these out. Just in time for the Packers game! GRAR!

Mexican part? Check. Food part? Not so much.

College Art Girl #1: "This kind of weather makes me want Mexican food. I want to go to one of those places that gives away free chips and salsa."

College Art Girl #2: "Mexican food? I don't think I've ever had Mexican food."

College Art Girl #1: "WHAT!? Come on! We grew up in Jersey! You've had Mexican food."

College Art Girl #2: "You mean like Taco Bell? I love Taco Bell."

- 8th and State

-- Submitted by Lindsay Adams

Some girls wish that happened to their chests.

Screaming Woman: "I used to wear that shoe size, but all the sin went to my feet. Now they are a half size bigger."

- Target in Logan Square

-- Submitted by La Sirena


Guy: "Her breasts are toastworthy."

- Lincoln Park highrise

-- Submitted by Tim

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

No one wants brain matter on the street.

Woman: "What they did was stupid. They took a hose and hosed down all the brain matter into the drain."

- Connie's Pizza on Archer

-- Submitted by BitterWaitress

Especially vampires.

Woman: (on cell) "I was talking to some friends the other day, and was really surprised how common it is for people to drink each other's blood during sex. Like, a LOT of people do that!"

- DeLux

-- Submitted by Deweybug

To everyone who wanted to see, you are.

Drunk: "Close your legs! No panty shots! No panty shots!"

Girl in skirt: (silence, mixed with embarassed look)

Drunk: "Oh, so now I'm an asshole?"

- Red Line

-- Submitted by Denise

Friday, December 22, 2006

Merry Christmas, Mr. Potter!

Have a safe and wonderful holiday, everyone! And remember, Christmas conversations can be the funniest of them all.

Not that alcohol plays a part in that or anything.

That would be the best Christmas EVER.

Woman: (on cell) "Honey. I'm sorry. But my parents don't have cable, so you're going to miss the game tonight. Okay, well then maybe YOU should talk to my mother about having an 'ESPN Zone Family Christmas' next year!"

- Metra to Fox Lake

-- Submitted by brazenlizy

I would have just grabbed your phone and smashed it.

Girl:(on cell) "So, yeah. Then I was like, 'You're wearing stupid shoes bitch.'"

Bus driver: "Please talk on your cell phone quietly"

Girl: (to woman) "Did you just tell on me? Why do you care if I am on my phone?

Older woman: "Well, I don't really want to listen to you"

Girl: (on cell) "Yeah. So this old hag thinks she's too cool for me to talk on the phone."

- #146 Bus

-- Submitted by Mary

It's okay, folks. He was talking to a spider.

Crazy guy: "Hello, itty bitty! How are you, itsy bitsy? Itsy bitsy itsy bitsy itsy bitsy! Don't worry, itsy bitsy! Are you cold, itsy bitsy! ITSY BITSY WOOOOOO!"

- Mayfair Metra Station

-- Submitted by Steve's fries.

Homeless man: (Knocks on window of Mr. Greek) "Can I have some food?"

Guys inside: "Yeah hold on we will be right out."

Guys inside hand homeless man fries.

Homeless man: "I asked for a chicken pita with cheese, no onion. Whats this crap?"

- Greektown, Mr. Greek's

-- Submitted by Erun

Thursday, December 21, 2006

Combination of both.

Angry Businessman: "Lady, seriously. Everyday you're on the train it smells like you bathed in that rancid perfume. What is it with you? Did a maggot crawl up your nose and eat away your sense of smell or are you just covering up for the fact that you forgot to shower?!?"

- Red Line

-- Submitted by Greenie

It's somewhere towards the middlebackfront.

Homeless Guy: "I wanna ask you something! Tell me where in the bible it says Jesus was born on December 25th!"

- Walgreens, Rogers Park

-- Submitted by Maitri

If you were really being Jewish, you'd give each other socks and underwear.

Girl: "We're celebrating Christmas like the Jews."

Guy: "How's that? Less gifts?"

Girl: "No! We started partying last night and we're gonna have eight CRAZY nights!"

- Brown Line, Armitage

-- Submitted by Jdawg

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Go sail away, go sail away, go sail away with her.

Woman #1: "How come I never see you on this train? Don't you have a car?"

Woman #2: "I only ride the Metra on Fridays."

Woman #1: "Why Fridays?"

Woman #2: "Sailors."

- Metra North

-- Submitted by Ruthie


Guy #1: "So yeah, she's nice girl and she's got a really big rack."

CTA announcement: "Potomac."

Guy #2: "Yeah, I don't know about that. Hey, how does the bus know what street it's on?"

- Damon Bus

-- Submitted by R

That applies to apartment size too?

Man #1: "Yeah, we're still together. He asked me to move in with him, and I thought about it. I mean it's a really nice place. But then I realized it's just not big enough for two gay men, my cat, and all our accessories."

Man #2: "Size queen."

- Maximum Exposure, Broadway

-- PK

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Sorry about the lack of posts today. I was busy with that whole "support your family and find a job" thing.

Updates tomorrow.


Monday, December 18, 2006

The holidays are when religions can celebrate together.

Woman #1: "So what are you doing for Christmas?"

Woman #2: "Christmas? You know we're Jewish."

Woman #1: "Yes, but you don't celebrate Christmas?"

Woman #2: "No."

Woman #1: "But Jesus was born in Israel, so you're pretty much related, right?"

- California Pizza Kitchen, Skokie

-- Submitted by Ali

Let's hug it out.

Teen Angster: "...and the girl was such a bitch. She's mad at me because I have a better job than she does. And I am younger than her. And I make more money than her. And you know what I said to her? 'FUCK YOU BITCH! STOP TRYING TO GET ME DOWN!'"

- Cosi's on Jackson

-- Submitted by Jdawg

I knew it! (And THAT is your favorite part of Christmas?)

Woman: "I think my favorite part of Christmas is the Starbuck's holiday ad campaign."

Random Guy: "And that's why some republicans love Jesus."

- Diversey Ave.

-- SUbmitted by Venti Latte

Thursday, December 14, 2006

Choosing religions intelligently.

Woman: "According to Jewish law, if your mother is Jewish, you're Jewish. And I am, but we figured Santa is more fun. And who doesn't like Christmas lights?"

- Old Orchard Shopping Center

-- Submitted by Carol

I don't get it either.

Guy: (on cell) "No. You take control of that situation. You make it understand that YOU'RE the boss. You make the situation your bitch. And then you poop on it."

- Purple Line

-- Submitted by Guava

Disappeared. Damn you David Copperfield!

Brown Line Conductor: "Okay, people. There's a Brown Line train directly behind this one. Just wait for that one. Do not push onto the train."

Man: "That's fine. But where's the Green Line? WHERE'S THE GREEN LINE?!"

- Brown Line

-- Submitted by Ryan

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

You should have said a shovel with a job.

Man: (on cell) "I don't think it was a normal interview. They asked me the typical questions, but after a while it was all 'if you were a whatever, what would you be.' Is it weird that they asked me what kind of shovel I wanted to be?"

- State and Jackson

-- Submitted by Belle

A banana?

Woman: (on cell) "Hi. Hi. Hello. Hello. Hi sweety. Hiiii. Boo boo boo. What does a banana say? Hello. Hello. Hi there. Hello. Hello. Did you eat lunch? Yum yum yum. Hello. Okay. Bye."

- Metra South Shore

-- Submitted by Romeo

What do you mean

Woman: (on cell) "I'm almost done vomiting so can you pick me up after I get off the bus?"

- Belmont Bus

-- Submitted by Michelle

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Did you get there in a helicopter?

Irate Customer: "Why do you advertise something you don't carry? I had a flight earlier today, had to fight for a parking space, and have a flight tomorrow morning. I don't have time for this. Where's my catalog? What did you do with my catalog?!"

- Bloomingdale's, Oak Brook

-- Submitted by DL

Money says no mobster were around.

Attorney: "Some mobsters are just retarded."

- Daley Center, Concourse Level Pedway

-- Submitted by Super Paralegal

The air probably escaped into your head.

Man: (on cell) "It was just too general a question. The tire wasn't truly flat. It was more 'de-aired.' If it were flat, it would look flat. This one had a little air in it, so I tried to tell the guy. He got all mad saying I have a flat tire. No way. If a tire has air, it isn't flat. Hole or no hole. That guy was a dope."

- Lou's Diner

-- Submitted by Zo

Monday, December 11, 2006

And she gets her facial features from the UPS guy.

Woman: "She just dances all the time."

Man: "And sings."

Woman: "She must get that from your side of the family."

Man: "Probably, because she was too full of 'bitch' from your side."

- Old Orchard Shopping Center

-- Submitted by Wendy

If by oatmeal you mean sugar and fat.

Girl: (on cell) "I'm waiting for the shuttle. Yeh, I haven't eaten today. I'm SOOOO hungry! But I'm eating a Kit-Kat right now and that has like, oatmeal in it, right?"

- Loyola Lakeshore Campus

-- Submitted by B

At least they talked to you.

Large Girl: "I just wish I was popular."

Friend: "Oh my God! You should totally go to China. They go crazy for blue eyed blondes over there."

Large Girl: "No. I've been there. They just went for my skinny friends and asked me to hold the camera and take the picture."

- Union Station

-- Submitted by Yessica

Friday, December 08, 2006

Yeah, that's pretty bad.

Office Guy #1: "I'm trying to come up with the most disgusting manger ever."

Office Guy #2: "Like?"

Office Guy #1: "I'm trying to find a statue of Santa holding Jesus."

Office Guy #3: "If you want to get 'disgusting,' you need to find one where Mary is giving Jesus a rusty trombone while Santa watches. Now THAT is disgusting."

- 333 W. Wacker

-- Submitted by Jer

Yeah, that's pretty bad. Part 2.

Girl: (on cell) "Peter. You're wrong. You're dead wrong and I win. There is nothing more horrifying than seeing a picture of your dad, naked with an erection, with your mom sitting next to him in said picture, pointing and smiling."

- Red Line

-- Submitted by Rachey

It's only 7 degrees, people. It's still T-shirt weather 'round here.

Student: "Goddammit! After this, I'm going to law school in Hawaii. Or Miami. Yea, fucking Miami."

- Loyola Lakeshore Campus

-- Submitted by Lisa

Must have an important meeting.

Calm Guy: "GOD DAMNIT! I'm so sick of this damn line. Every time I get off the train, I have to deal with you morons and this logjam at the stairs. ORDERLY FASHION! ORDERLY! Why is that so hard to understand. I should karate chop all you idiots in the throat."

- Union Station

-- Submitted by JC

Thursday, December 07, 2006

Biscotti mush for you, ma'am.

Employee: "I make these at home for my mother, but I don't cook them as long."

Older lady: "Why not?"

Employee: "They hurt my teeth."

Older lady: "Well, I don't have any teeth!"

- Washington College Cafe

-- Submitted by Mahrya

I like to call it "Man Musk." Okay. Okay. I don't shower.

Client: "Sorry if I smell. I didn't put more deodorant on when I woke up this morning."

Trainer: "I wonder if I smell? I took a shower last night before bed, and I forgot to put on deodorant too. UGH! I smell like the monkey cage at the zoo."

- Crunch Fitness on North Ave.

-- Submitted by Dizzy

You might be late for work. By 100 years.

Train Guy #1: "Dude. DUDE! That's Mary Steenburgen!"

Train Guy #2: "What? Who?"

Train Guy #1: "That Back to the Future chick. The one that was doing Doc!"

Train Guy #2: "A: No it's not. B: If it is, why would she be on a Metra without camera rolling. C: We better not start time traveling in this thing."

- Metra Union Pacific Northwest

-- Submitted by Bullucks

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

It has been an up and down economy.

Father: "He just wants so much high priced stuff. I can't afford it."

Guy: "So what are you going to do?"

Father: "Well. I felt stupid telling him that Santa doesn't exist. He loves Santa. I just told him Santa's business isn't doing as well this year, so he had to lay off a bunch of elves."

- 55 E. Jackson

-- Submitted by Will

At least they don't leave their blinkers on.

Guy: "I went to that new Asian supermarket by my house."

Lady: "Yeah? Good stuff?"

Guy: "Yeah. But you know how when you go to the market, there's that one asian lady who always blocks the aisles and seems to follow you everywhere? Imagine that, but times a million."

- Madison and Riverside

-- Submitted by Yo Joe

Remember to sleep with a towel.

Girl: (on cell) "I'm going to have a blood test. EPT? All I know is that I better wake up in a big pool of period blood tomorrow."

- Sheridan and Belle Plaine

-- Submitted by Katie

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Superman? Is that you?

Guy #1: "Did you see that chick? Holy crap was she hot!"

Guy #2: "How could you tell? She was wearing a million layers of clothes."

Guy #1: "I just know these things man. It's like God's gift to me."

Guy #2: "So he gave you X-RAY vision?"

Guy #1: "Something like that."

Guy #2: "Did you have to trade in your brain for that, retard?"

- Michigan Ave

-- Submitted by Creatin

Dear Marriott: Please fire this employee.

Traveler: "Can you tell me where the Steppenwolf is?"

Front Desk: "Is that a restaurant?"

- Courtyard Marriott on Ontario

-- Submitted by Ted

Snowstorms are the #1 cause of hair related death.

Teen #1: "Why weren't you in school on Friday?"

Teen #2: "Hello? Did you see the weather? I'm not going out in that."

Teen #1: "It wasn't that bad. "

Teen #2: "I just washed my hair and I was NOT going to have it freeze and then break off my head. It was just too dangerous."

- West Suburban High School

-- Submitted by Yay Gym!

Unless she want's scrambled eggs.

Man: (on cell) "No. That's ridiculous. If you want breakfast in the morning, grabbing my testicles is not a good way to get me to do it."

- Green Line

-- Submitted by Claire

Monday, December 04, 2006


Woman: "Ugh. You hand reeks!"

Man: (sniff) "It does?"

Woman: "Yeah. It smells like crotch."

Man: "Well. It is my peein' hand!"

- Metra Milwaukee District North Line

-- Submitted by Janice

Reason #1 why you should not be a parent.

Woman #1: "...and the kid was just sitting there, beating her with her glasses case."

Woman #2: "What did she do?"

Woman #1: "She was ASKING her to stop! Asking her! The kid was like five! If that was my kid, I would have taken the case, whipped it at her head, smacked her around, and then said 'You going to stop now?'"

- Pink Line

-- Submitted by Dame

Everyone has their own visceral reactions.

Girl: (On cell) "His girlfriend cheated on him, so he's going home to have lunch with her."

- UIC University Hall

-- Submitted by Suchie

Friday, December 01, 2006

Mine are done at two. Three is just wacky.

Dude: (on cell) "CHELSEA! My day is done! I woke up, I danced, I took my tests, I drank three cosmos. The day is OVER!"

- Broadway and Belmont

-- Submitted by Tyler

That's not as good as Niacin.

Woman: "It smells really good!"

Man: "Like what?"

Woman: "Like vitamins. Maybe vitamin C."

- Midway Airport

-- Submitted by Alex

But, they're so sweet and tasty....for poop.

Woman: "Well. Because the waste all goes through the intestines. That's why it's bad to eat, like chitlins and stuff."

- University of Chicago

-- Submitted by Arlenna