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Thursday, July 09, 2009
Until you blue-screened.
Guy: "If you were a Mac, and I was a PC, I would have beaten the shit out of you right now."

- Chicago State University

-- Submitted by Leela
posted by Ziggy @ 3:33 PM   0 comments Del.icio.us Digg it!
SPAM THEM!
Guy #1: "Let's go postal."

Guy #2: "That's so 1990's. We should make up something new."

Guy #1: "Well, we can't go all email on their asses. That just sounds stupid."

- Lakeview

-- Submitted by Stupefied
posted by Ziggy @ 3:32 PM   0 comments Del.icio.us Digg it!
It's not exactly a compliment.
Girl #1: "...she's such a jap!"

Girl #2: "Asian or Hebrew?"

Girl #1: "Can she be both? But not like, meanly?"

- Northwestern

-- Submitted by Alfalfa
posted by Ziggy @ 3:31 PM   0 comments Del.icio.us Digg it!
Wednesday, July 08, 2009
He's not a King, he's a Pink Lady
Thug: "They think I'm a king cause of my mustache. It grows in thin so it makes me look like a king, even when I wear pink."

- #22 Clark bus

-- Submitted by PMA
posted by Ziggy @ 4:15 PM   0 comments Del.icio.us Digg it!
Another reason to weep for the future. A lot.
Girl: "I mean, I haven't thought in, like, four months."

- Truman College

-- Submitted by Cami
posted by Ziggy @ 4:14 PM   0 comments Del.icio.us Digg it!
World's biggest bar.
Girl #1: (In Reference to Kosuke Fukudome) "You should yell at him in Chinese!"

Girl #2: "Tell him 'Konichiwa!'"

Girl #3: "No. He wouldn't understand that. That's Asian"

- Wrigley Field

-- Submitted by jrc
posted by Ziggy @ 4:09 PM   0 comments Del.icio.us Digg it!
Thursday, July 02, 2009
They'll figure out a way to make ice cream.
Guy: "...and I'm just tired of watching Iron Chef."

Girl: "What's the problem?"

Guy: "The ingredients are getting boring. I'm waiting for him to life the freaking lid and say, 'Today's ingredients: GLASS SHARDS!"

- Metra South Shore

-- Submitted by Ute
posted by Ziggy @ 1:20 PM   0 comments Del.icio.us Digg it!
Poor Jake.
Girl #1: "Are we going to Jake's barbecue or Laney's?"

Girl #2: "It all depends on the amount of meat we'll be having."

Girl #1: "I can almost guarantee there will be more at Laney's."

- Loyola

-- Submitted by Quest
posted by Ziggy @ 1:19 PM   0 comments Del.icio.us Digg it!
And she's only 5.
Guy: (on cell) "No, doc. It's gotten to the point that when I ask her if she wants to go to school, she asks me if I want to go to hell."

- Randolph/Michigan office

-- Submitted by Stunned
posted by Ziggy @ 1:18 PM   0 comments Del.icio.us Digg it!
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Incentive...
Guy #1: "You want to come play some video games later this week?"

Guy #2: "Will your wife be there for me to stare at?"

- Grant Park

-- Submitted by Ali
posted by Ziggy @ 3:18 PM   0 comments Del.icio.us Digg it!
Shot down. Hard.
Guy: "It's just so great to see you again."

Girl: "Yeah. It's been a long time since you've hit on me."

Guy: "We can skip straight to the pre-breakfast part, you know."

Girl: "You mean me waking up in my bed, in my house, by myself?"

Guy: "Before that?"

Girl: "This IS before that."

- Fransesca's, Bryn Mawr

-- Submitted by Leon
posted by Ziggy @ 3:14 PM   0 comments Del.icio.us Digg it!
Point, counter-point. Kinda.
Guy #1: "There are just no jobs out there."

Guy #2: "Do you ever think it's your general malaise and lack of drive that makes you unemployable?"

Guy #1: "No. I really think it's just a market thing. I just have to wait it out and something will come."

- Lincoln Park

-- Submitted by JJ
posted by Ziggy @ 3:12 PM   0 comments Del.icio.us Digg it!
Monday, June 29, 2009
And the sludge. And the mobsters.
Guy: "The water in the lake is so clear you can see all the way down to the bottom."

Girl: "Where the garbage is?"

- Hyde Park Art Center

-- Submitted by Crystal
posted by Ziggy @ 3:39 PM   0 comments Del.icio.us Digg it!
Pushing the buttons, though, is another thing.
Woman: (on cell) "My kids can put a hot dog in the microwave. They KNOW how to feed themselves."

- #36 Broadway bus

-- Submitted by Milhouse
posted by Ziggy @ 3:38 PM   0 comments Del.icio.us Digg it!
If there's grass on the field, but it's muddy...forget it.
Girl: "I only do anal because sex before marriage is wrong. I'm a Christain!"

Guy: "And what does the Bible have to say about Sodomy before Marriage?"

Girl: "Why would anyone put sod on me?"

- Andersonville

-- Submitted by mcfarlandwrites
posted by Ziggy @ 3:35 PM   0 comments Del.icio.us Digg it!
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Try the zoo...for idiots.
Girl: "Is there anywhere I can go in Chicago where I can hug a Panda?"

Guy: "Those things are kinda fierce."

Girl: "They've never been hugged by me before. They'll chill."

- Grant Park

-- Submitted by Drizzle
posted by Ziggy @ 4:08 PM   0 comments Del.icio.us Digg it!
Jump in the deep end.
Guy #1: "It's so freaking hot out! When is fall coming?"

Guy #2: "Didn't you just ask for summer three days ago when it was 60 and rainy?"

Guy #1: "But I didn't want summer to be THIS hot. Just kinda hot."

Guy #2: "You're 'kinda' the biggest attention grabbing turd I know."

- DePaul

-- Submitted by Lexus
posted by Ziggy @ 4:05 PM   0 comments Del.icio.us Digg it!
Some guys don't need it.
Girl: "Why would a guy be interested in a mermaid? She doesn't have a snatch."

- Red Line

-- Submitted by HJ1000
posted by Ziggy @ 4:05 PM   0 comments Del.icio.us Digg it!
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Not like your brain is busy.
Girl: "I like giant, salted pretzels."

Guy: "Right."

Girl: "Except I hate giant unsalted pretzels. And I don't like the taste of just the salt without the pretzels."

Guy: "Okay."

Girl: "Why can't my face stop playing these games with my brain?!"

- Northwestern

-- Submitted by Yumpers
posted by Ziggy @ 4:22 PM   0 comments Del.icio.us Digg it!
Ace-hole in deed.
Guy: (on cell) "You have the ace in the hole, man. All you have to tell her is that your mom slept with her brother. How do you lose that argument?"

- Lincoln Park

-- Submitted by Jimbo
posted by Ziggy @ 4:18 PM   0 comments Del.icio.us Digg it!
No where to be found.
Train Rider: "We had to watch this movie about prostitution. It was supposed to be all tragic and everything, but it wasn't tragic at all. I kept waiting, like 'Okay, where's the tragic part?'"

- Red Line

-- Submitted by Diane
posted by Ziggy @ 4:11 PM   0 comments Del.icio.us Digg it!

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