Shaping young minds

Student: "When I started painting class, I knew nothing about painting. The professor was just like, 'Aaaaaand... paint.'"

- Michigan Avenue

-- Submitted by Matt

It'd get MAD media coverage

Girl: "Why can't you just tell them you refuse to get laid off?"

Guy: "It doesn't work that way."

Girl: "Well. Tell them that you're going to organize a sit in."

Guy: "Ok. I'll get all four of us to sit in against the other 3 employees that are left. It'll be a showdown for the ages. Great idea."

- Grant Park

-- Submitted by Collins

Rough decision.

Guy: (on cell) "How on earth do you confuse lavendar with maroon? How do you do that? Well, as I see it your two options are going to the store or going to hell. Your choice."

- Merchandise Mart

-- Submitted by Shoppey

Get this girl rubber pants!

Woman: "I peed the bed once, but it was an air mattress. So that made it way worse"

- Southport Lanes

-- Submitted by Amanda

That can be arranged.

Guy #1: "Spring break in T minus 5. Hell yeah!"

Guy #2: "Who cares? We aren't going anywhere and we have to work."

Guy #1: "But just IMAGINE we were staring at chicks and getting laid. Makes spring break all that much better."

Guy #2: "Yeah. Because picturing Amy at the front desk naked definitely makes me want to party. I'd rather see the Bears O-line naked."

- Lincoln Park

-- Submitted by Fransisco

He'd NEVER leave me alone.

Man: "I'll leave you alone right up until the point you start doin the kickin' chicken."

- Roosevelt and Halsted

-- Submitted by Sh

Yes. Fish dissolve in water.

Guy: (on cell) "He thinks the tuna busted the dishwasher? But it's a fish? Wouldn't it just dissolve in the water? But it's a fish for crying out loud! How does that break a water based device?"

- Red Line

-- Submitted by Rick B.

It's no good on its own, pal.

Woman: "I'm absolutely tired of my vagina."

Man: "Can I borrow it for a while?"

- DePaul

-- Submitted by Teeny

Again?

Guy: (on cell) "I think tonight I'm going to be potty training my wife again."

- Union Station

-- Submitted by Guy

Because HR departments have become jokes.

Guy #1: "How's the job hunt going?"

Guy #2: "Fine, I guess. The way I'm figuring it, it's not really a rejection if they never contact you. You're just on hold. Forever."

- Evanston

-- Submitted by RR

Me thinks that something will be ruined.

Guy: (on cell) "If you ruin it, it will ruin the entire surprise. Then the event will be ruined which will ruin my day, thus ruining everything. Don't ruin that."

- Metra Union Pacific West

-- Submitted by Beth

Nothing like some good smarm

Woman: "He was all flirty and I thought he was a little bit smarmy. But not BAD swarmy. Not, like, lawyer smarmy."

- Damen and Wabansia

-- Submitted by Tabitha

Pent up issues?

Girl: "Mommy, I went potty!"

Mom: "Wow! Good job! Grandma's going to be SO proud of you!"

Girl: "Did you go potty, too?"

Mom: "Yes, but grandma's never proud of me."

- Lincoln Park Zoo bathroom

-- Submitted by Spinner

Jealous.

Guy #1: "My brother wants to build a go-kart."

Guy #2: "Oh yeah? For what?"

Guy #1: "I think he's going to get into a race back home."

Guy #2: "Oh gee wilikers! Are Alfalfa and Spanky going to be there? Hot DOG!"

- Northwestern University

-- Submitted by Lacey

Someone is generalizing.

Girl: (on cell) "Well if you were a Geico caveman, the first thing we'd do is shave your back and face. But of course, if you were a caveman, odds are I wouldn't be dating you. I like my men more modern and less smelly."

- Michigan and Roosevelt Bus stop

-- Submitted by Colin

For her it is.

Guy #1: "We should find out what she's getting him for a groom's gift and then get him two of the same thing."

Guy #2: "Right. But is it considered a gift when you actual take someone's manhood?"

- Law Office, Downtown

-- Submitted by Jerry

Playstation Portables are watching....

Guy: "He could read my mind like he had PSP or something."

- Loyola University

-- Submitted by Qwerty

The man loves his balls.

Girl: (on cell) "I just can't take any more stupid sports. It's twenty four seven with you! If ESPN is on when I get home, I'm leaving. No you shouldn't pack my things, you jerk!"

- Water Tower Place

-- Submitted by Krousa

Tea or otherwise!

Girl: "I'm serious. There's not a spot of anything on anything that shouldn't have a spot of anything on it."

- UIC

-- Submitted by SH

Sounds appetizing.

Man: "What're we doing for dinner?"

Woman: "I figure with the kids out, we'll just throw the left-overs from the past few days together."

Man: "So that'd be..."

Woman: "A meatsagnachickensaladloaf."

- Barnes and Noble, Skokie

-- Submitted by Pete