Better than Wesley Snipes style.

Guy: (on cell) "You're in too deep! Like, Omar Epps style!"

- Diversey

-- Submitted by GK

So he needs an I.V.

Guy: "New Rule: Everytime you're not drinking, you have to take a drink."

- Arlington Heights

-- Submitted by Ropi

Someone is getting commission.

Guy: "You want a sandwich?"

Girl: "Where you going?"

Guy: "Subway."

Girl: "Which one?"

Guy: "The one around the corner."

Girl: "It better be the one where Javy is at. If it's not and you go to the other one, then you're a dead man."

- LaSalle Office

-- Submitted by Indigo

You'd get pretty hungry...until you died.

Guy #1: "...and I'm supposed to fast for 24 hours. That'll help me lose a couple extra."

Guy #2: "If you want to lose more weight, you'll fast for a million hours."

- Green Line

-- Submitted by Nosey

That usually doesn't work.

Girl: (on cell) "...and the instructor was super creepy. I think he was trying to prove that he wasn't gay by being super gay. It was pretty counter productive."

- Michigan and 9th

-- Submitted by Red

That's definitive.

Girl #1: "You going to work out today?"

Girl #2: "Yes."

Girl #1: "When?"

Girl #2: "Right after I don't work out."

- UIC

-- Submitted by Victor

No posts tomorrow. Yom Kippur.

Guy code says you shouldn't look.

Guy: (on cell) "Hey, hon. Hold on. The electricians are bringing their huge pipes into the locker room."

- West Side Fitness Center

-- Submitted by Trey

A little harsh.

Guy #1: "You ready for hockey season?"

Guy #2: "Almost as ready as I am for sulphuric acid in my eye season."

- Red Line

-- Submitted by Carla

Someone get some gauze and super glue!

Lady: "Oh. My. God. Deb, I'm hemorrhaging like nobody's business."

- Oak Brook Office

-- Submitted by Spinner

Better than a live one, eh?

Girl: "Who ate a dead skunk?"

- Washington Library bathroom

-- Submitted by Telayah

The economy effects everything. Even your junk.

Guy #1: "Do you think they are going to lay people off?"

Guy #2: "Of course they are. It's a necessity."

Guy #1: "You think they're going to do a severance package?"

Guy #2: "You might have your package severed, but that's about all."

- Downtown Office

-- Submitted by Chuck

You're just going to confuse Batman.

Guy #1: "What time is dinner?"

Guy #2: "Later in the evening."

Guy #1: "But what time?"

Guy #2: "I don't know. I'll know more in a couple days."

Guy #1: "Well then what time should I be there?"

Guy #2: "We'll just turn on the damn bat signal, okay?"

- Lincoln Park

-- Submitted by Karl

Someone's talking to Congress.

Man: (on cell) "Don't call me because you're having a mortgage meltdown because you're a moronic idiot."

- Monroe Harbor

-- Submitted by Melissa

Too avoid further, intelligent conversation.

Goth Guy: "...yeah, but an anarchist is just totally 'no authority.' I am just the opposite of whatever religion is mainstream."

Goth Girl: "Yeah."

Goth Guy: "Like in America it's Christianity, so what's the opposite of that? Satan."

Goth Girl: "Yeah."

Goth Guy: "Yeah."

Goth Girl: "Yeah. Me too. But most of the time I just tell people I'm agnostic."

- Red Line

-- Submitted by Patrick

So can you sell your feet on ebay, then?

Guy: "Why would anyone pay 800 dollars for shoes?"

Girl: "They're Jimmy Choo's!"

Guy: "They're eight hundred freaking dollars!!! My feet aren't worth that much. The patent leather on them shouldn't cost any more!"

Girl: "They inherently make your feet's value more than they're actually worth."

- Nordstrom's, Downtown

-- Submitted by Jan

February 7th

Guy: "When did 'whore' become the new 'hot?'"

- Macy's, Skokie

-- Submitted by Klair

Except it's trademarked.

Bus Goer: "Snap, crackle, pop! Snap, crackle, pop! HA! Those Rice Krispies got nothin' on us. We the ones goin' snap, crackle, pop!"

- #4 Cottage Grove Bus

-- Submitted by Diana

What if it's in hot dog buns?

Guy: (on phone) "You had me until you said 'tuna.' You can't eat tuna while you're watching baseball."

- Oak Brook cubicle maze

-- Submitted by Spinner

Mean Girls was definitely awful.

Girl: (on cell) "We were all leaving class just crying. It was so Mean Girls. It was awful."

- Southport

-- Submitted by Haynes

Can one pony play cornerback?

Drunk Guy: "These guys don't deserve Metallica! They deserve My Little Pony!"

- Soldier Field

-- Submitted by Mg