Good reason.

Guy: "I think I'm going to be a bouncer the rest of my life. Not because it pays great or anything, but because I like beating the hell out of people with little consequence."

- Northern Illinois University

-- Submitted by Lacey

But not South Dakota, thank goodness.

Guy: "...so I end up meeting her and she looked like an Alaskan."

Girl: "What is that supposed to mean?"

Guy: "You know...all Alaskan and stuff. Like she's from Alaska. Or Maine."

- Aon Building

-- Submitted by Lucy

And after the ninth inning, he rested.

Sox Fan #1: "Two more innings to go! Two more inni..."

Sox Fan #2: "You shut your stupid mouth! We are NOT going to be responsible for this event, whatever it may be, from becoming a non-event. We shall not speak of it by title. We shall not describe this event over the phone. We will sit back. We will relax. We will not destroy this."

Sox Fan #1: "No one likes you."

- U.S. Cellular

-- Submitted by Freddie

So she had a special talent then, eh?

Blonde Chick: "They were giving out paddle balls at my aunt's funeral."

- Red Line

-- Submitted by Elora

It's going to make it harder to find him.

Girl #1: "...and then he just ran off. Everything was in my purse!"

Girl #2: "How long before the cops came?"

Girl #1: "It was about twenty minutes. I should have told them I had a donut."

Girl #2: "What did he look like? Did you know him?"

Girl #1: "I didn't know him. And I think he was Asian or black. Maybe white. I'm not sure. But he took my purse!"

- Union Station

-- Submitted by Quell

I didn't get accepted there.

Guy: "We're all fucking morons! That's why we have the electoral college."

- Loyola University

-- Submitted by B

Next time, beer museum.

Father: "You remember when we were at the museum? That was all stuff YOU wanted to do. And now it's mommy's turn to do what SHE wants to do. And do you know what? [bitterly] Daddy doesn't get to do anything he wants to do."

- Lord and Taylor, Michigan Ave

-- Submitted by Matthew

Oy Vey.

Guy: (on cell) "...and when he opened the gift, it was a copy of the Book of Mormon! What do you mean, 'So what?' It was a BAR MITZVAH!"

- Clark and Monroe

-- Submitted by Goy

I know it'd hurt.

Guy #1: "You ever been punched in the face?"

Guy #2: "Yeah. Why?"

Guy #1: "Because I usually wake up in the morning and wonder about it. Am I going to get punched in the face today? Who's going to do it? How will it go down? So many questions."

Guy #2: "Keep going and it's going to happen within seconds."

- Loyola

-- Submitted by Carl

Mmmm...gerflurgen chicken.

Woman: "What do you want for dinner?"

Man: "I don't know. What about the leftovers from yesterday?"

Woman: "Okay. Do you want them cold?"

Man: "Nah."

Woman: "Do you want them warm?"

Man: "Is there a third option I'm unaware of? Can you make the food gerflurgen or something?"

- Metra Milwaukee District North Line

-- Submitted by Universal

I hear wedding bells!

Trixie: "...so now I'm on the train going to fucking Rogers Park for dinner because his parents suck."

- Red Line

-- Submitted by Poppy

Someone is opinionated.

Girl: "Madonna is going back to adopt another baby."

Guy: "Who cares?"

Girl: "I care. Madonna is grabbing babies from Malawi. Angelina Jolie is grabbing babies from around the world while she hates her own kid. Oprah is building schools in Africa. Doesn't anyone realize there are millions of needs in their own country?"

Guy: "Sure they do. If they help the US, they don't get the public and media attention. If they don't get the attention, they don't get a benefit from it. If they don't get that benefit, what else is going to fill the void in their vapid, worthless, self-centered, daddy-doesn't love me lives? I mean, for real. Do you think Madonna or Angelina or any of those retards actually take care of their own kids when they're NOT going to pose for pictures?"

- Grant Park

-- Submitted by Louie

One more round, then we really complain.

Guy #1: "...tons of traffic. And don't think the trains won't be affected. Everyone talks about economic growth and new jobs and all that other crap. Great. It really helped Montreal out. They're doing really well. If the Olympics come to Chicago, I'm moving.'

Guy #2: "Don't worry man. No one cares about the Olympics anyway. There's only going to be, what, 2 or 3 countries that will want to come to the US to compete? Olympic village could be my backyard."

- Red Line

-- Submitted by Minnow

This may actually hold true.

Girl #1: "...and then the ultrasound showed that it was a boy! I'm so happy for them."

Girl #2: "That's awesome. And exciting. I heard that the extra hormones from the baby boy lets the mom lift cars and stuff. She gets like superhuman strength. How cool would that be?!"

- Pink Line

-- Submitted by Earwig

It's tough being a turtle stuck in a man's body.

Guy: "I don't think I was meant for life as a human being."

- Van Buren and Michigan

-- Submitted by Anne

So the mood ring is constantly pink?

Woman: "Ain't no way he's straight! Dude was wearing a motherfuckin' mood ring! Try to tell me he's straight! Straight men don't wear no motherfuckin mood ring! Straight my ass! Mood ring motherfucker!"

- State Street

-- Submitted by JHo

Sleet sucks

Guy: (on cell) "I know I'm late, sir. Yes, sir. Yes. No. I know, sir. But I couldn't get out of my driveway beca...yes, sir. Look! Every time I tried to shovel the shit, it would plop out of my shovel, soak my socks, and destory my shoes.!Next time, I'll tell the heavens to open up AFTER my 8 AM meeting so that we can earn another 60 cents per god damn widget or whatever the hell we're trying to sell!"

- Blue Line

-- Submitted by KC

Just wait for Kerry Wood and Mark Prior to...forget it.

Cubs Fan #1: "I don't remember the last time a baseball game got snowed out in Chicago. This weather is crazy."

Cubs Fan #2: "At least they didn't lose. They're 8 games into the season and I've already given up all hope."

Cubs Fan #1: "They'll come around. Please, god, let them come around."

- Red Line

-- Submitted by Frittatta

Nice try. Go back to playing with Barbies.

Sports Fan: "...the schedule favors the Bears. I don't think they'll win them all, but they should win a bunch."

Wannabe: "You're crazy. I'm telling you that they'll go 17-0 this year."

Sports Fan: "You mean 16-0."

Wannabe: "No. There are 17 weeks in the season. They can win all the games."

Sports Fan: "Nothing like getting the win during the bye week. Huh, idiot?"

- Metra North Central

-- Submitted by Lucy

She knows her porn.

Guy: "Do you think I'd be able to get into the porn business?"

Girl: "Sure. With the internet, anyone can be in the porn business. All you need is some sort of digital camera. You can do any kind. Solo, partnered, threesome, orgies, BDSM, oral, anal, point of view, pregnant, tranny, group sex, tag team, all girl. Pretty much anything."

Guy: "Uhm. Do you have any connections?"

- Loyola

-- Submitted by Leo