Fried spider doesn't sound as tasty.

Girl: (Eating calamari) "An Octopus doesn't have eight legs!"

Guy: "Are you sure?"

Girl: "Yes, only spiders have 8 legs. Octopuses don't."

- Italian Village

-- Submitted by Kevin

She's got the future all planned out. In Huggies.

Girl: "No, it's ok, because when I turn 25 he'll turn 50 and we can celebrate our 75th."

Guy: "Yea, but just think of it this way. In a few years he'll be in diapers and you'll be, like, normal."

Girl: "Well, I'm never really normal, so there's a chance I can end up in diapers any day really."

- Loop Elevator

-- Submitted by MB

That's a lot of alcohol!

Girl: "The only thing we're going to be doing is drinking. No boys. No stupid amateur night parties. Nothing. We're going to lock the door and drink until Carson Daly looks hot again. Got it?"

- Lincoln Park

-- Submitted by Allisa

Have a Happy, Healthy, and Safe New Year!!

I want her to really do it next time.

Girl: "Usually it's me who has the problem. So what's your deal?"

Guy: "I just wanted to be treated with respect. It's like you've decided that in order to like me, you have to take one of my balls away, while stomping on the other and laughing."

Girl: "So why are we together?"

Guy: "Because we're in love."

- U of C

-- Submitted by Sig

Starting off '09 right!

Guy: (on cell) "...because everytime we go out for New Years, I end up seeing you pantsless. Not this year, pal."

- Red Line

-- Submitted by Kalpesh

The hangover is gonna suck

Happy Drunk Man:"I'm a Genuine American Alcoholic! I've been drunk for...ten million years!"

- Michigan and Chicago

-- Submitted by Eric P.

Someone's in the Christmas spirit!

Girl #1: "If the flight was any worse, I think I would have gone crazy."

Girl #2: "Seriously. That plane ride was awful. And those kids. UGH!"

Girl #1: "Yeah. I would have beaten them, except I didn't want their yucky drool all over my shoes."

Girl #2: "That would have totally ruined Christmas break for us."

- O'hare

-- Submitted by Nadia

Easy enough. Here's a penny.

Guy: (on cell) "Well, there's two things you can get me. Cash and things I can return to the store for cash."

- Metra South Shore

-- Submitted by Cal

Someone has a case of the Monday's!

Man: "How's everything going?"

Woman: "It's super, god damn cold and I'm eating a fucking apple. How do you think it's going?"

- Merchandise Mart

-- Submitted by Isaiah

A positive spin.

Man: (on cell) "...At least with all the layoffs, the moening commute may get better. I mean, they'll be sleeping in, right?"

- West Loop

-- Submitted by Gloria

A positive spin.

Man: (on cell) "...At least with all the layoffs, the moening commute may get better.

I think these two are going to make it.

Woman: (on cell) "Well, honey, of course I'd prefer that you didn't kill yourself. Especially not around the holidays."

- Michigan Ave outside the Apple store

-- Submitted by Franny

I think these two are going to make it.

Woman: (on cell) "Well, honey, of course I'd prefer that you didn't kill yourself. Especially not around the holidays."

- Michigan Ave outside the Apple store

-- Submitted by Franny

They get tired of the regular scenery

Girl #1: "Do you think the security guards are watching us?"

Girl 2: "The way we've been acting, I wouldn't be surprised if they had popcorn!"

- Field Museum

-- Submitted by Angel

Sounds like a....wait for it...hairy situation

Girl: "It's just frustrating that everytime I look up his nose, it looks like a sasquatch shed his fur in it. It's his only negative."

- Loyola

-- Submitted by Hate

Listen to your friend.

Guy: (on cell) "Well, if you're that worried about it, stop whacking off at the office!"

- Purple line

-- Submitted by Night

Again?

Girl: "I need to get my nails done. Where's a cheap place around here?"

Guy: "My bedroom."

Girl: "I'm not falling for that one again!"

- Columbia

-- Submitted by Den

Better than a no?

Girl #1: "He totally asked me out. I was so excited, I didn't know what to say."

Girl #2: "That's so exciting. He's so cute."

Girl #1: "That's why I'm mad. I gave him a 'definite maybe.'"

- Maine West High School

-- Submitted by Janey

Doesn't it, though?

Guy: (on cell) "Just because I was checking out the men for men section, it doesn't mean anything."

- Red Line

-- Submitted by Brass

Nothing says frills like Fruit Loops.

Girl: "I always thought you were the 'Fruit-Loop' kind."

Guy: "Huh. Well, no frills for me."

Girl: "That's good."

- University of Chicago

- Submitted by matt

Chop, chop?

Guy: (on cell) "How the hell am I supposed to bring my leg closer to my body when it's attached, dumbass?"

- Outside the Aon Building

-- Submitted by Howdy

Have the girl call me

Guy: "Given the choice between having sex with you and eating one of these, I would choose the brownie every time."

- Downtown

-- Submitted by I Agreed

She won't pay for the bypass.

(Watching the Biggest Loser)

Guy #1: "I love this show! The girl trainer is hot."

Guy #2: 'I'd almost consider gaining 100 lbs to have her whip me into shape."

- Waiting room at Northwestern Memorial

-- Submitted by Maria

So....the beach.

Girl: "I was in the Atlantic once; in the shallow end."

Guy: "There's a shallow end?"

Girl: "Yeah, it's the non-deep end."

- UIC

-- Submitted by Chmp

Economic rule #1: Discipline.

(Young boy reaching for a soda)

Mom: "What are you doin'?"

Boy: "I'm just going to get a pop!"

Mom: "You better pop your ass back over to this line."

- Target, South side

-- Submitted by Joelle

I hope the speaker was standing.

Commuter: (on cell) "What's up? Nothing much, I'm just on the train and there's a man with a small child and no one will give him a seat and it's really pissing me off."

(later)

"Oh good! Someone gave him a seat 'cus they heard me shame them."

- Brown Line

-- Submitted by Steph

Where they sharpen hair?

Girl: (on cell) "Yeah. I'm on my way now. I'll call you when I'm done. I'm on my way to the Hair Cutlery."

- Damen Blue Line

-- Submitted by BigTab

Or you could switch schools.

Law Student #1: "I think that one of the best things about becoming pirates is the disgrace we will cause DePaul when we eventually get caught and tell our story."

Law Student #2: "We should probably leave copies of our diplomas on every person we shoot."

Law Student #1: "Done."

- 25 East Jackson

-- Submitted by Law Student

The important issues.

Girl: "You knew Blago was corrupt, right?"

Guy: "He is #4 out of the last 8 to have problems. It's not like his hair made him any more solid."

Girl: "Are you kidding? He uses more product than a Cher impersonator!"

- Roosevelt University

-- Submitted by #5

Tongue tied

Guy: "Sabathia signed and he's going to be the Yankers anchee. Er Yankers anchor. Forget it. He's rich. Fuck off."

- CNA Building

-- Submitted by Heath

What do you get in return?

Woman: (on cell) "Do you know what you're paying me? You're a bitch and 13 cents!"

- Michigan Ave

-- Submitted by Lazer

Here comes the fallout. Thanks Rod!

Guy: (on cell) "'In Rod we trust,' my ass. His name should be Ratan."

- Red Line

-- Submitted by E-Claire

TSA: We treat you like royalty!

(Guy tries walking through the metal detector while talking on his phone.)

TSA Guy #1: "Hold up! You can't go through here on that! (to the other inspector) Hey, do you see this guy! He tried to go through ON his phone!"

TSA Guy #2: "He still has his shoes on too! What kind of an idiot does that?''

TSA Guy #1: "This one! That's who!"

- O'Hare

-- Submitted by LN

You'll probably hit a cheek.

Thug: "I'm gonna beat yo' ass in the face!"

- #12 Roosevelt

-- Submitted by Elena

Attention: I'm going to become a mail carrier!

Boss: "The mail carrier is on vacation again!?"

Assistant: "I know"

Boss: "You know all they do is stay home and fuck each other."

- Office in Chicago

-- Submitted by Anonymous

He had to tell her for a reason, right?

Girl: "...and I'm afraid I'd lose him in the crowd."

Guy: "Why don't you get a tracker?"

Girl: "Like they do with seals and penguins?"

Guy: "Yeah. Except get one you don't have to shoot him with."

- Park Ridge

-- Submitted by Ben

Take blame? HA!

Guy: (on cell) "I have no control over your middle finger, Rob. So stop blaming me for your fights!"

- Green Line

-- Submitted by Janey

I hate this guy. A lot.

Guy: "Think I should get playoff tickets?"

Girl: "Didn't you just ask me for grocery money?"

Guy: "Right. Because I can't take food money out of the fun funds."

- Metra Union Pacific West

-- Submitted by For Real?

Asked and answered.

Girl #1: "Ask him out. What's the worst he can say?"

Girl #2: "He can say 'Go out with a diseased whore who has daddy issues? Pass.'"

- Loyola Water Tower Campus

-- Submitted by Ramblin' Man

Either way, call back.

Guy: (on cell) "I'm walking under the 'L,' so if the phone goes silent I either lost signal or a train fell on my head."

- Roosevelt and State

-- Submitted byLucy

Which one makes you think people care?

Woman: "Oh, she was responding to my LiveJournal entry from the other day. I actually have three LiveJournals. One's my life journal, for updates on my regular life. The other is my angsty 'I hate the world' journal. And the third is the 'I'm smarter than everyone else' introspective journal."

- House of Noodles Sushi

-- Submitted by Sickboy

Wait 'til Monday.

Girl #1: "I have to go to work today."



Girl #2: "Why on the weekend?"



Girl #1: "I forgot to fire someone yesterday."



- 151 bus



-- Submitted by tj

Uh. 3.

Girl: "...and I don't even know how to go about getting a threesome together!"

Guy: "Well, how many people could we be talking about here?"

- Northwestern

-- Submitted by Jakey

Facebook Fan Page

There is now an Overheard in Chicago Fan Page on Facebook.

Become a fan, friend me, stare lovingly at the page. Your choice!

Half plucked, half feathered

Guy (in a hat): "I just got a haircut. I'm not so sure about it."

Girl: "I think you should come over tomorrow sans hat so I can properly judge for myself!"

Guy: "My head looks like a 14lb turkey."

Girl: "Before or after it got plucked?"

- Hoffman Estates

-- Submitted by Julie

But it's PERFECT!

(after watching "perfect" pushup commercial)

Girl: "Do they think saying 'laminated workout cards' in a fast, raspy voice makes them any more than crappy? And how many different workouts can you get a pushup?"

- UIC

-- Submitted by Carol

That's comforting.

Guy: (on cell) "No, no, it's ok. Don't worry. I'll eat your heart."

- Congress and Wabash

-- Submitted by Molly

I love double entendres!

Girl: "I'm much better at pool when I'm drunk."

Guy: "Must be your penchant for alcohol assisted, indiscriminate pole selection."

- Northwestern

-- Submtted by Helene

Because fingernails aren't made of metal. Psycho.

Woman: (on cell) "Jen? Jenny?! Oh my god! My fingernails broke. No! Three of them! I need to go call my therapist. Why does this always happen?!?"

- North Side

-- Submitted by Rebecca

It could kinda be a contest.

Guy #1: "What kind of contest is it?"

Guy #2: "A 'you're fat' so shut up."

Guy #1: "That's not a contest. Jerk."

- South Loop

-- Submited by Newb

Happy Thanksgiving!!

Guy: ''Well, there's no chance I'll have THAT music stuck in my head for the next three days.''

Girl: ''It's modern opera - it is what it is.''

Guy: ''Yeah. What it is, is sucky.''

- Lyric Opera lobby during intermission

-- Submitted by misterb

(Back on Monday!)

Honesty: not always the best policy.

Woman: (on cell) "You can't bring your parents because they smell. Happy, Dean?"

- Union Station

-- Submitted by Felipe

No. It's not.

Girl: "My eyes are killing me. I think I have pink eye. Can you check?"

Guy: "Sure."

(Girl closes her eyes.)

Guy: "Open your eyes."

Girl: "No. It's on my eyelid!"

- DePaul

-- Submitted by Lara

Fun night?

Girl: (on cell) "Hi Chrissy, it's Jenny. Sorry I didn't call you back last night. I completely blacked out. I woke up with a party hat on and cigarette butt holes all over the place. I'm on my way to Taco Bell now, but give me a call later and let me know what's going on....."

- #22 Clark Bus

-- Submitted by Dtrain

Really. What a moron.

Guy #1: "We should make up our own language. Like Klingon!"

Guy #2: "Why not learn Klingon?"

Guy #1: "Already been done, idiot!"

- Northwestern

-- Submitted by Lasso

So stop. Or will your mom get mad?

Guy: (on cell) "I'm tired of clenching my damn abs, mom!"

- Jackson and State

-- Submitted by Benn

That's gratitude.

Woman #1: "Hey, can you give me any change?"

Woman #2: "No, I've got nothing. Sorry."

Woman #1: "That's okay--BITCH-ASS!"

- Lawrence and Broadway

-- Submitted by Spinner

Raise your hand if you need to look up 'pederast' on google.

Grizzled Man: (On Cell) "They can't call you a pederast just because that kid says you're a pederast. Well, at least it was a nice funeral."

-Blue Line

-- Submitted by Tom

If you're not part of the solution...

Guy: "A lot of people are starting to worry about inflation."

Girl: "What's inflation?"

Guy: "It's when the value of money goes up."

Girl: "Oh."

(The guy starts explaining inflation in detail, all of which is wrong.)

Guy: "So basically its like everything is on sale."

Girl: "You're complicated."

- University of Chicago

-- Submitted by Steve Sp

Sound advice from a guy in the know

Homeless Guy: "If I'm the auto dudes, I'm going to Congress and askin' for 50 trillion dollars. You gotta start 'um high and work 'um down. Business basics, man. That's why they failin'.''

- Wacker and Jackson

-- Submitted by Bob

This woman is probably awesome to hang out with

Angry Woman: "If that bitch ask to see my I.D. one more time, I'm goin' crazy. I don't look like no 21 year old and you are NOT putting lameass 'you look young' compliment on me. Ho."

- West Side

-- Submitted by Noah

She needs to try chewing a bear.

Girl: "I wish gummi bears were more gum than mi bears. Then I could blow gum bear bubbles."

- Niles West High School

-- Submitted by Greg

I prefer the one about the furry lobster.

Girl: "Turn the radio up! This is that song about the balding shrimp!"

- Deerfield High School

-- Submitted by Kyle

Good luck with that.

Student #1: "This semester my goal is straight A's."

Student #2: "That's mozt students' goal."

Student #1: "Right. But I don't want to read the books. Or go to class. Or do anything really."

- Loyola University

-- Submitted by Chief

Nothing like free grossburgers.

Woman: "As long as people keep handing in these Burger King wallets, I'm going to eat like a queen!"

Man: "Who'll be dead in a weak from nasty ass, Grade F meat."

- CTA Subway Security, off Michigan Ave.

-- Submitted by Randy

But only once.

Girl: "My mom is a high risk person. If you tell her to jump off a bridge into a spiked rock valley, she probably try it."

- Northwestern University

-- Submitted by Drama

Uh....ok.

Guy: "Your arm is so unnatural. I love it."

- Red Line

-- Submitted by Rebecca

That's not OSHA compliant.

Guy: "I'm thinking of going heel at work. Cuttin' promos and shit."

Girl: "Take a breather, Stone Cold. Your boss will body slam you."

- Michigan Ave.

-- Submitted by Matt

Well, did you see them?

Receptionist: "I booked you in the small conference room, but someone just snuck in there while I wasn't looking. I don't know who it is."

Employee: "Well, who is it?"

Receptionist: "I don't know, they snuck in while I wasn't looking."

Employee: "Well, when are they going to be done?"

Receptionist: "I don't know, they snuck in there while I wasn't looking."

- Downtown Office

-- Submitted by Tekie

You won't know until you check.

Guy: (on cell) "Well, I don't know then, honey. I'm sure 'raggy bitch' won't be in the dictionary."

- Blue Line

-- Submitted by Aghast

Seriously. Our future.

Girl: "We want Terminator 2 Sarah Connor."

Librarian: "You mean the older movie with Schwarzenegger?"

Guy: "No, the one on TV."

Librarian: "The Sarah Connor Chronicles? The TV show?"

Guy: "Yeah, that one."

Librarian: "Ok, we don't have it, but I can order season 1 for you."

Girl: "No, we want season 2"

Librarian: "You mean the one that's on tv right now?"

Guy: "Yeah, that one."

Librarian: "It's on TV. It's not on DVD yet."

Guy and Girl: ...

Librarian: "They don't release the DVDs for a season until after the season is over."

Guy: "You mean you can't just get it for us? Like burn it onto a DVD for us?"

- Riverside Library

-- Submitted by Kimmi

Girl: "We want Terminator 2 Sarah Connor."

Librarian: "You mean the older movie with Schwarzenegger?"

Guy: "No, the one on TV."

Librarian: "The Sarah Connor Chronicles? The TV show?"

Guy: "Yeah, that one."

Librarian: "Ok, we don't have it, but I can order season 1 for you."

Girl: "No, we want season 2"

Librarian: "You mean the one that's on tv right now?"

Guy: "Yeah, that one."

Librarian: It's on tv, its not on DVD yetGuy and Girl: ...Librarian: They don't release the DVDs for a season until after the season is over.Guy: You mean you can't just get it for us?Librarian: uhhGuy: Like burn it onto a DVD for us?Librarian: noWhere did you hear it? Riverside LibraryName: Kimmi

Way to stay on the wagon

Woman: "I don't drink too much. I haven't had any since...today."

- Fox & Hound, Bloomingdale

--Submitted by Loeds

The dress probably doesn't fit.

Guy: (on cell) "So I have one bad day and the whole joint is on my ass. I can't always be Mary fuckin' Poppins people.''

- Metra Milwaukee District North Line.

-- Submitted by Frankie

This girl is a brain

Girl #1: ''What do you think of the yellow lights in here?''

Girl #2: 'They're awesome. Now I know what it's like to be Asian!''

- Ladies' room at Sonotheque

-- Submitted byNicole

Chicago hotel hospitality.

Concierge: "Can I help you, sir?"

Guy: "Do I have to be staying here for you to help me?"

Concierge: "We prefer it that way, sir."

Guy: "So that means..."

Concierge: "It's a polite way of telling people to take a hike."

- Downtown Hotel

-- Submitted by Carla

Either way you're studying anatomy

Guy #1 : "Let's go study."

Guy #2: "I'm not in the mood. ''

Guy #1: "Then...?"

Guy #2: "Amateur porn?"

Guy #1: "Make or watch?"

Guy #2: "Your call."

- UIC

-- Submitted by Flame On!

I bet it was.

Guy: (on cell) "Sitting his urine was gross."

-Blue Line

--submitted by Howard

The guy is obviously a brown-noser (drum fill)

Guy: (on cell) "No. There was a toilet paper rip. I saw the leg lift. Then, without another T.P. rip, there was nose blowing. I was mortified."

- Green Line

-- Submitted by Papas Fritas

Technology wasted

Woman: (on blackberry) "I need directions to your place. Yeah. But my phone can't just figure out what restaurant we're going to. Yeah, but I don't know the address! Google it where?! Oh."

- Michigan and Jackson

-- Submitted by Sammy

Red alert!

McDonald's Employee: "Yo! Get over here! These Diet Cokes is ALLLL fucked up!"

- McCormick Place

--Submitted by Spinner

Red alert!

McDonald's Employee: "Yo! Get over here! These Diet Cokes is ALLLL fucked up!"

- McCormick Place

--Submitted by Spinner

She's a catch, guys. Line forms to the left.

Guy: "So why are you here?"

Girl: "To make sure I really don't want to date."

Guy: "And?"

Girl: "There's too much 'poor loser' in here for me to find a husband."

- Speed dating, North Side

-- Submitted by Carol

Slater?

Guy: "From now on, I'm only going to date girls who are into the real me. The fake me was way too 'Zack Morris.'"

- Joe's on Weed Street

-- Submitted by Atari

She yapped on about Xenu with a hot accent.

Guy: "The last prostitute I had sex with was a South African Scientologist."



- Downtown



-- Submiited by Sara

What's back surgery when chocolate is involved?

Girl #1: "I think it'd be great if it snows a ton."

Girl #2: "Wouldn't Ron have to shovel before work?"

Girl #1: "Right."

Girl #2: "His back would be screaming."

Girl #1: "Right. But he'd make hot chocolate for both of us."

- Old Orchard Shopping Center

-- Submitted by Willie

That's the ONLY way??

Guy: (on cell) "The only way I'm getting out of that job is if I crap on Joe's desk, but then I'd be risking my unemployment benefits."

- Red Line

-- Submitted by Saul

It's not a challenge.

Guy: "Don't do it."

Girl: "Why not?"

Guy: "You're scandalous!"

Girl: "If that's what it takes to ruin his life, I accept the challenge."

- DePaul

-- Submitted by Janine

Walk away slowly and maintain eye contact.

Girl: "I'm just tired of being grumpy."

Guy: "Maybe you're pregnant."

Girl: "Maybe YOU'RE pregnant!"

Guy: How can that be possible?"

Girl: "Because I said so. Now shut the hell up or I'll grumpify your life."

- Grant Park

-- Submitted by Face

Mostly indeed.

Female Sales Rep: "So after talking to several people today i have come to the realization that guys are much nicer on the phone than women. They are also more likely to buy cable. I have had 31 male customers and 16 female customers. Why do you suppose that is?"

Male Supervior: "I think it's more that you're a girl and most guys pick up on that. And you sound 'nice' on the phone. See Audrey, men always have an alterior motive, whereas women unfortunately do not....mostly."

- Chicago Office

-- Submitted by Ania

Amongst other things.

Kid: "Why do they have grass in there?"

Mom: "'Cause people drink it."

- Jamba Juice

-- Submitted by Courtney

Wait...WHAT!?!?

Guy: "...there's nothing to worry about. Women are just men without penises."

- Roosevelt University

-- Submitted by Grant

Keep waiting

Guy: (yelling) "He's not the winner until Fox News declares it!"

- Obama Grant Park rally

-- Submitted by Molly

And he stole the Hope Diamond

Guy: (selling Obama T-Shirts) "Barack Obama will stimulate the economy. He's stimulating my economy right now!"

- 53rd and Lake Park

-- Submitted by Crystal

No one likes paperwork.

Cop #1: "There are a lot of people out here. He'd better win or they going to be pissed."

Cop #2: "Tonight is either going to be a crowd deafening celebration or a riot of biblical proportion."

Cop #1: "If we build an ark real quick, we could float away on the lake."

Cop #2: "Nah. Then we'd have to explain why weren't clubbing rioters."

- Grant Park

-- Submitted by Patienne

Mothers: Crushing dreams one little boy at a time.

Boy: "Mom? We're underwater. Does that mean we're mermaids?"

Mom: "No. Mermaids are girls."

- Shedd Aquarium

-- Submitted by Innocent Bystander

Better than the baby.

Woman: "GET OUT! He's like, humping it! MY DIAPER BAG IS BEING VIOLATED BY THAT SQUIRREL!"

- Lakeview Park

-- Submitted by Dan

Go vote

Drunk Guy: (seeing two guys dressed as Winnie the Pooh and Tigger) "Tigger and Pooh for love! That's like Jesus and...Jesus!"

- North Clark bar

-- Submitted by Patrick

Go vote

Girl: "Dude I'm a fucking panda. A drunk fucking panda!"

- South Loop

-- Submittedbg Patrick

Go vote

Woman: (bending down to pick up crushed candy from the street) "Ain't no shame in my game! I like sweets!"

- Magnificent Mile

-- Submitted by Leigh