No I'm not dead

The site will be back in a bit. New job, new baby, lots of travelling for work, not enough time to get things in order. Thanks for the emails though. Things will be back to normal (or close to them) soon and the site will start again.

Z

Where the whole family can enjoy a meal. And then get the hell out.

Guy: "Next!"

Girl: "I'd like a soup/sandwich combo."

Guy: "Which soup do you want?"

Girl: "Which soups do you have?"

Guy: "See that big ass board behind me with all of our items? You may want to read it before you waste my time. NEXT!"

Girl: "It's like you're the real Soup Nazi."

Guy: "No. That turd's got nothing on me. Now go to Taco Bell. They like fat chicks there."

- North Suburbs, Restaurant Chain Redacted

-- Submitted by Yikes

I'm willing to challenge this theory.

Girl: "Ok, so the point is: rats have fur, and furriers can make any fur look like gold."

- Michigan Ave, near the Tribune building

-- Submitted by Midori

I guess money DOESN'T buy everything

Guy: "White dudes, they wear whack shoes, whack clothes. I see them, they're wearing ratty-ass shirts, ratty ass pants; but they get money, so it don't matter. White people got whack hygiene in general; but they get money, so it don't matter!"

- Damen bus

-- Submitted by A White dude

Being ugly and married, perhaps.

Girl: "I said, 'You're with your wife?' And then he asks me why I didn't congratulate him. For what?"

- Ravenswood

-- Submitted by ecobox

Kids are stupid assholes.

Girl #1: "...and then I saw that bitch walking out of THE GAP!"

Girl #2: "Oh, gross."

Girl #3: "She doesn't deserve life."

- Corner of Oak and Rush

-- Submitted by Matt F.

Plans are for suckers, that's why.

Woman: (on cell) "Why would you go to Minnesota and not have a way to get back?"

- Illinois Center

-- Submitted by Becky

This chick REALLY loves teddy bears.

Girl #1: "...he's finally taking me on a date."

Girl #2: "Where are you guys going?"

Girl #1: "I don't know, but if he takes me to Build-A-Bear, he's definitely going to be getting a BJ."

- Northwestern

-- Submitted by Jen

Next he'll tell you about his bad beat in a 2 cent poker hand.

Guy #1: "Do you know how many fantasy points I lost by not playing their defense?"

Guy #2: "Do you know how many teeth you're going to lose if you keep talking to me about that stupid shit?"

- Aon Building

-- Submitted by Bobby

Someone had a date cancelled.

Guy: "I'm going to start planning events 5 years in advance. That way, people can't tell me that a month wasn't enough of an advanced notice."

- Loyola

-- Submitted by Guy

There are better detergents

Girl: "...and now my underwear smells like Drano."

- Northwestern

-- Submitted by Dale

I'm sure that's her plan.

Guy: (on cell) "And if you see the mail lady, tell her to stop feeding the mail to the dog, would ya?"

- Metra South Shore

-- Submitted by Indy

Wouldn't that be the three of skanks?

Guy: "If you were a suited card, what would you be?"

Girl: "The two of clubs."

Guy: "Why's that?"

Girl: "Because I love going to clubs and love threesomes."

- Speed Dating, North Side

-- Submitted by Woo Hoo

Killing the earth one equation at a time.

Greenpeace Guy: "So, I bet you like forests!"

Woman: "No. I'm a mathematician. I kill trees by the ream."

- Michigan Avenue

-- Submitted by two2blue

Killing the earth one equation at a time.

Greenpeace Guy: "So, I bet you like forests!"

Woman: "No. I'm a mathematician. I kill trees by the ream."

- Michigan Avenue

-- Submitted by two2blue

Any guy will obviously do.

Guy: "Hey, is that chick crying?"

Girl: (crying) "YES! AND IT'S PROBABLY YOUR FAULT ANYWAY!"

- Under the Red Line at Argyle

-- Submitted by Bordello

The first part is heroic. Or very sad.

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Olympic Sadness: Part 1

Guy #1: "Do you think we'll ever try again?"

Guy #2: "It depends. How much money is left in the 'Daley's Cronies' account?"

- West Loop

-- Submitted by Allison

Olympic Sadness: Part 2

Girl: "In the first round? We should have at least been finalists!"

Guy: "What's the difference when you lose?"

Girl: "Posterity, I guess."

- North Side Office Building

-- Submitted by Jay

Olympic Sadness: Part 3

Guy: "Do you think it's because Rio's hookers are hotter?"

- Daley Center

-- Submitted by Olympic Woeful