Overheard in Chicago

No I'm not dead

2010-04-29T20:43:00.000-05:00

The site will be back in a bit. New job, new baby, lots of travelling for work, not enough time to get things in order. Thanks for the emails though. Things will be back to normal (or close to them) soon and the site will start again.

Z

Where the whole family can enjoy a meal. And then get the hell out.

2009-10-26T14:56:00.002-05:00

Guy: "Next!"

Girl: "I'd like a soup/sandwich combo."

Guy: "Which soup do you want?"

Girl: "Which soups do you have?"

Guy: "See that big ass board behind me with all of our items? You may want to read it before you waste my time. NEXT!"

Girl: "It's like you're the real Soup Nazi."

Guy: "No. That turd's got nothing on me. Now go to Taco Bell. They like fat chicks there."

- North Suburbs, Restaurant Chain Redacted

-- Submitted by Yikes

I'm willing to challenge this theory.

2009-10-26T14:55:00.000-05:00

Girl: "Ok, so the point is: rats have fur, and furriers can make any fur look like gold."

- Michigan Ave, near the Tribune building

-- Submitted by Midori

I guess money DOESN'T buy everything

2009-10-26T14:54:00.000-05:00

Guy: "White dudes, they wear whack shoes, whack clothes. I see them, they're wearing ratty-ass shirts, ratty ass pants; but they get money, so it don't matter. White people got whack hygiene in general; but they get money, so it don't matter!"

- Damen bus

-- Submitted by A White dude

Being ugly and married, perhaps.

2009-10-21T15:24:00.000-05:00

Girl: "I said, 'You're with your wife?' And then he asks me why I didn't congratulate him. For what?"

- Ravenswood

-- Submitted by ecobox

Kids are stupid assholes.

2009-10-21T15:23:00.000-05:00

Girl #1: "...and then I saw that bitch walking out of THE GAP!"

Girl #2: "Oh, gross."

Girl #3: "She doesn't deserve life."

- Corner of Oak and Rush

-- Submitted by Matt F.

Plans are for suckers, that's why.

2009-10-21T15:22:00.000-05:00

Woman: (on cell) "Why would you go to Minnesota and not have a way to get back?"

- Illinois Center

-- Submitted by Becky

This chick REALLY loves teddy bears.

2009-10-09T14:09:00.002-05:00

Girl #1: "...he's finally taking me on a date."

Girl #2: "Where are you guys going?"

Girl #1: "I don't know, but if he takes me to Build-A-Bear, he's definitely going to be getting a BJ."

- Northwestern

-- Submitted by Jen

Next he'll tell you about his bad beat in a 2 cent poker hand.

2009-10-09T14:08:00.002-05:00

Guy #1: "Do you know how many fantasy points I lost by not playing their defense?"

Guy #2: "Do you know how many teeth you're going to lose if you keep talking to me about that stupid shit?"

- Aon Building

-- Submitted by Bobby

Someone had a date cancelled.

2009-10-09T14:06:00.002-05:00

Guy: "I'm going to start planning events 5 years in advance. That way, people can't tell me that a month wasn't enough of an advanced notice."

- Loyola

-- Submitted by Guy

There are better detergents

2009-10-07T14:58:00.004-05:00

Girl: "...and now my underwear smells like Drano."

- Northwestern

-- Submitted by Dale

I'm sure that's her plan.

2009-10-07T14:58:00.002-05:00

Guy: (on cell) "And if you see the mail lady, tell her to stop feeding the mail to the dog, would ya?"

- Metra South Shore

-- Submitted by Indy

Wouldn't that be the three of skanks?

2009-10-07T14:50:00.002-05:00

Guy: "If you were a suited card, what would you be?"

Girl: "The two of clubs."

Guy: "Why's that?"

Girl: "Because I love going to clubs and love threesomes."

- Speed Dating, North Side

-- Submitted by Woo Hoo

Killing the earth one equation at a time.

2009-10-05T15:22:00.000-05:00

Greenpeace Guy: "So, I bet you like forests!"

Woman: "No. I'm a mathematician. I kill trees by the ream."

- Michigan Avenue

-- Submitted by two2blue

Any guy will obviously do.

2009-10-05T15:21:00.002-05:00

Guy: "Hey, is that chick crying?"

Girl: (crying) "YES! AND IT'S PROBABLY YOUR FAULT ANYWAY!"

- Under the Red Line at Argyle

-- Submitted by Bordello

The first part is heroic. Or very sad.

2009-10-05T15:21:00.001-05:00

Guy: "Trust me, I used to gang bang and I had my ear pierced."

- Wrigley bleachers

-- Submitted by Remy

Olympic Sadness: Part 1

2009-10-02T13:47:00.003-05:00

Guy #1: "Do you think we'll ever try again?"

Guy #2: "It depends. How much money is left in the 'Daley's Cronies' account?"

- West Loop

-- Submitted by Allison

Olympic Sadness: Part 2

2009-10-02T13:45:00.002-05:00

Girl: "In the first round? We should have at least been finalists!"

Guy: "What's the difference when you lose?"

Girl: "Posterity, I guess."

- North Side Office Building

-- Submitted by Jay

Olympic Sadness: Part 3

2009-10-02T13:40:00.001-05:00

Guy: "Do you think it's because Rio's hookers are hotter?"

- Daley Center

-- Submitted by Olympic Woeful

One and the same.

2009-10-01T14:14:00.001-05:00

Guy #1 (pointing at bus seat): "These seats are bigger."
Guy #2: "No, they're like, a new material. They're different from those plastic ones."
Guy #1: "But I'm saying, they're bigger."
Guy #2: "Oh, are they?"
Guy #1: "Yea. To accommodate all the fat people in Chicago."
Guy #2: "I've been to St. Louis, and I think they have the most fat people anywhere."
Guy #1: "That's because of Jack in the Box and shit."

- #146 Bus

-- Submitted by Diane

Check and mate.

2009-10-01T14:12:00.001-05:00

Guy: "Why are girls dumb?"

Girl: "It's not that we're dumb. It's that we have to pander to the lowest common denominator."

Guy: "Who's that?"

- DePaul

-- Submitted by Jeff

7 of them.

2009-10-01T14:10:00.001-05:00

Female Employee: "I watched the 2nd Shrek the other night, it was pretty funny!"

Male Employee: "Oh yeah. I heard about that. Don't they have a shorty in that one?"

- North Suburban Home Depot

-- Submitted by Joanna

You're using them on your own mom?

2009-09-29T15:45:00.001-05:00

Guy #1: "Yea, I dig her, but she's so not my type."

Guy#2: "What, this one fights back?"

Guy #1: "Yea, I got tired of your mom just laying there."

Guy #2: "Me too, that's why I bought the nip clamps."

- Lawrence Stop

-- Submitted by Ben

Better than burns.

2009-09-29T15:42:00.001-05:00

Kid: "Our Aunt. You know the thing that borns your cousin?"

- Boystown iHop

-- Submitted by Sarah

Someone wasn't a good neighbor

2009-09-29T15:40:00.000-05:00

Guy: "What do you mean you never watched Mr. Roger's Neighborhood?"
Girl: "Nope never did."
Guy: "Oh my God that's insane! What are you a communist?"
Girl: "No! I grew up watchin MTV not Mr. Roger whatever the fuck."

- Bowman's

-- Submitted by North Center Snoop

Goal 2: Be a self serving bitch.

2009-09-25T16:43:00.002-05:00

Woman: "My goal is to travel the world, though, so I don't give a shit."

- Wacker and Michigan

-- Submitted by Katie

(No posts Monday due to Yom Kippur. Back Tuesday.)

Someone check his eyebrows.

2009-09-25T16:42:00.000-05:00

Guy: "Hair color? Just put bald! It's never coming back!"

- Chicago Central DMV

-- Submitted byAshley B.

And the pigs are concerned, too.

2009-09-25T16:41:00.000-05:00

Girl: "Speaking of which, we've been meaning to talk about you about your bacon consumption. We're worried about your arteries. "

- Roosevelt

-- Submitted by Dwade

What's he moving down there? WHAT?!?!

2009-09-24T15:44:00.001-05:00

Woman: "Now, girlfriend. If you feel it happening, and he starts moving it toward your butt, you best stop that, 'cause that ain't gonna go down. It ain't happenin'."

- Red Line at Fullerton

--Submitted by Classy C

He must work for Sprint.

2009-09-24T15:42:00.002-05:00

Guy #1: "I've lost four phones in five months."

Guy #2: "Is your ass eating your phones or something?"

Guy #3: "'Boop.' My ass just swallowed your phone."

- Roscoe's Bar, Boystown

-- Submitted by CJ

No stalking = No need for a babysitter

2009-09-24T15:41:00.000-05:00

Girl: "So the only reason I stalk you on weekends is cause I miss you and I want to hang out with you. Plus, I need someone to take care of my baby."

- Brown/Purple Line Chicago

-- Submitted by Rohit

A jazz club opened in Michigan once. It was summarily destoryed 10 minutes later. By women.

2009-09-22T17:58:00.002-05:00

Guy: "I don't know what to do with this girl tonight."

Girl: "Go to the Chicago Jazz Festival!"

Guy: "She is from Michigan. Michigan girls don't like jazz music."

- Canal & Adams

-- Submitted by Melissa

Just draw them on the old fashioned way!

2009-09-22T17:57:00.001-05:00

Woman: (on cell) "They grow really, really quickly don't worry. You'll have your eyebrow back in a few weeks, I promise"

- Panera Bread, Evanston

-- Submitted by Hof-Brau

He's probably right.

2009-09-22T17:56:00.000-05:00

Lady: "So I sat at a stop sign for two minutes waiting for it to turn green. My son turned to me and said, 'Mom you have to stop smoking that pot.'"

- Downtown @ a wedding

-- Submitted by Brian

The Berensteins are going to be angry by this revelation.

2009-09-21T14:31:00.000-05:00

Guy: "It's a little known fact, in fact i may be the only one to know, but, if you translate The Raven by Edgar Allen Poe to German and then back to English again, you get the entire Berenstein Bears story."

- Foster and Ashland

-- Submitted by Justin

Mr. Rand or Mr. McNally I presume?

2009-09-21T14:30:00.000-05:00

Guy: (on cell walking in a large crowd after U2 concert) "You should come meet me, I'm at the corner of the Loop and Buckingham fountain. No, right where the Loop and Buckingham fountain are. Well do you see the Essex Inn sign? I'm right in front of that. Do you see the Willis Tower? Ok, me too! Just keep walking toward the Willis Tower and I'm sure we'll meet up."

- Museum Campus

-- Submitted by Paul

And we're back...

2009-09-21T14:29:00.001-05:00

Customer: "Yeah, it's broken. I'm not going to lie, it was on purpose. I was really drunk and really angry. "

- AT&T Store, Chicago Avenue

Submitted by Cristopher

2009-09-14T13:52:00.002-05:00

Yes, OIC has lacked updates for a month. I needed a break and was running low on quality submissions. The break is over, I have a bunch of submissions stored up, and the site is going back to its daily updates.

If you want to help out, tell your friends, send people here through twitter and facebook, and, if interested, visit a sponsor or two.

We're going to get crackin' shortly.

And an awesome, emotionally stable mom!

2009-08-13T15:42:00.001-05:00

Guy: "I know people say their kids are cute, but mine is drop dead beautiful. She's only nine, but looks fourteen, plus she's got everything: skinny, long legs, and blonde hair!"

- Magnificent Mile

-- Submitted by OHNO

When English isn't enough.

2009-08-13T15:38:00.001-05:00

Guy: (on cell) "If I spoke Serbian, I'd be swearing at your mom right now."

- Red Line

-- Submitted by Kenny

Phish concert, eh? Shocking.

2009-08-13T15:35:00.001-05:00

Girl: "I have some raisins if you're hungry."

Girl #2: "I can't eat raisins. I feel like I'm cheating on grapes with their grandparents."

- Phish Concert

-- Submitted by Ian

The fact that his friends use the word 'beerginity,'' maybe?

2009-08-11T15:20:00.000-05:00

Girl: "And he lost his beerginity early on, so one has to wonder, 'What's the hold up?'"

- Irving and Leavitt

-- Submitted by Remy

Sold due to snazziness!

2009-08-11T15:17:00.003-05:00

Lady: "Why should I get an Iphone?"

Sales Lady: "Well, it has a ton of storage for pictures and games and music."

Lady: "How many pictures can it hold?"

Sales Lady: "Well, how many pictures can your camera hold?"

Lady: "1200 or so."

Sales Lady: "More than that. Plus it's snazzy."

- Apple Store, Old Orchard

-- Submitted by Shorts

Or are you?

2009-08-11T15:15:00.001-05:00

Bachelorette Party Girl #1: "Let's all have affairs!"

Bachelorette Party Girl #2 (seriously): "No!"

Bachelorette Party Girl #1: "I'm just kidding."

- Boystown

-- Submitted by Jeff

But they're so sweet and tasty

2009-08-07T15:19:00.002-05:00

Guy: (on cell) "STOP EATING THE DOGS FEET!"

- Green Line

-- Submitted by ScubaChicken

You can change the grifty level?

2009-08-07T15:15:00.001-05:00

Girl: "I like to consider myself a grifter. But less grifty."

- Jackson and Dearborn

-- Submitted by Holden

Sounds promising.

2009-08-07T15:12:00.002-05:00

Guy #1: "I'm debating whether or not I should be a professional blackjack player. I usually do pretty well at the casino."

Guy #2: "How much do you usually win?"

Guy #1: "The three times I've played, I've won 10 bucks."

- Red Line

-- Submitted by GFI

A little of A, a little of B.

2009-08-05T14:22:00.001-05:00

Classy Lady: "Either it's a small world, or I'm a whore."

- Cornelia & Seminary

-- Submitted by Mary Low

It'd be hell for birds.

2009-08-05T14:21:00.001-05:00

Woman: "What if it actually rained men? That would be so dangerous."

- DePaul, Loop campus

-- Submitted by Shazam

Isn't this guy on Family Guy?

2009-08-05T14:18:00.000-05:00

Old man: (taking a picture of a bunch of guys) "How we doing this boys? Balls out, shirts off?"

- Incubus Concert

-- Submitted by Amanda

Double Negative Fun! L'Chaim!

2009-08-04T15:53:00.001-05:00

Guy #1: "Do you hate Jews or something?"

Guy #2: "No. Not at all. I hate Jew haters!"

Guy #3: "So you're an anti-anti-semite?"

- Lakeview

-- Submitted by Ron

Take...pictures?

2009-08-04T15:52:00.002-05:00

Guy: "I just got a new phone."

Girl: "That's so cool! Let me see."

Guy: "I dig it."

Girl: "What does the camera do?"

- DePaul

-- Submitted by Green

Fear Apple's wrath!

2009-08-04T15:51:00.001-05:00

Sales Lady: "So have you decided which device you want?"

Guy: "No. I'm confused. I think I don't want any of them."

Sales Lady: "Apple will not be pleased to hear that report!"

- Apple Store, Old Orchard

-- Submitted by Jeffrey

2009-08-03T15:19:00.000-05:00

Sorry for the dearth of posts. I've been out and unable to update the site. Back to normal tomorrow!

Better than booing

2009-07-27T14:58:00.001-05:00

Guy: (on cell) "I'm tired of you yelling 'surprise' every time we have sex, is all."

- Green Line

-- Submitted by ha ha ha

How many plane trips needed?

2009-07-27T14:57:00.002-05:00

Guy #1: "I need help moving."

Guy #2: "When and where bro?"

Guy #1: "Tomorrow and to France."

Guy #2: "I don't know if I can carry a couch that far."

- University of Chicago

-- Submitted by Ed

Mom sounds terrific

2009-07-27T14:55:00.002-05:00

Guy: (on cell) " My dad is awesome and supportive and loves my wife and the kids to death. My mom is a soul sucking banshee who wants things her way all the time. I mean I love my parents but it's just confusing, you know?"

- Red Line

-- Submitted by Pedro

Attention: GROSS!

2009-07-24T15:11:00.001-05:00

Strange Guy: "I'm going to pee my pants people. If the train doesn't stop at my stop soon, there will be a puddle, and it will NOT smell good. Asparagus, people. ASPARAGUS!"

- Purple line

-- Submitted by Trey

A what? Pseudo-douchebag.

2009-07-24T15:10:00.002-05:00

Girl: "...and it's so frustrating. Why won't anyone listen to me?"

Guy: "Because life is a pathetic metaphor for death. It's so cliche."

Girl: "For real."

- Loyola

-- Submitted by Rick

Does she like crappy food too?

2009-07-24T15:09:00.002-05:00

Girl: "I wish I was Avril Lavigne right now!"

- McDonald's downtown

-- Submitted by Ghost

Sounds like a well thought out plan.

2009-07-22T15:08:00.001-05:00

Guy #1: "I'm thinking of starting a company with an innovative idea. Leading society into the future."

Guy #2: "What's the plan?"

Guy #1: "For me to think of the idea, and then lead society into the future. I pretty much laid it out for you already."

- Loyola University

-- Submitted by Whit

Friends love boosting you up!

2009-07-22T15:06:00.003-05:00

Guy #1: "I don't know if she likes you."

Guy #2: "We're friends, though. I'm pretty sure she likes me unless it's a pity date."

Guy #1: "Unless or assuredly because?"

- DePaul

-- Submitted by GiGi

She'd need rope

2009-07-22T15:04:00.001-05:00

Girl: "I want to buy shoes, but I don't have enough money."

Guy: "You can do amazing things with old tires."

- Ashland

-- Submitted by The Colonel

How long does that go in the oven?

2009-07-20T15:34:00.001-05:00

Guy: "What do you want for dinner?"

Girl: "A new family and a vacation."

- Metra Milwaukee District North

-- Submitted by Taylor

You say potato, I say disgusting.

2009-07-20T15:31:00.002-05:00

Girl: "The mail never comes in the morning anymore."

Guy: "Mail carrier switch?"

Girl: "Yeah. The new guy looks like he sits in the car and watches little girls or something. Very creepy."

Guy: "How do you get that vibe?"

Girl: "He always delivers the mail with his shirt unbuttoned and untucked. Like he was in a rush to get out of the car."

Guy: "Maybe he's from Alaska and 70 degree whether is scorching for him?"

Girl: "Maybe he's jerking off and forgets to tuck his shirt back in?"

- Golf Mill Shopping Mall

-- Submitted by Newman

Someone's a great dad.

2009-07-20T15:29:00.003-05:00

Guy: "But she just learned how to talk and all she does is say my name over and over and over again. The girl will not shut up. At least get to the point or something, you know? Do you want crackers? Do you want milk? ANYTHING. Just stop repeating my name a million times! It drives me insane!"

- State of Illinois Building

-- Submitted by Clover

That guy is smooth.

2009-07-17T15:53:00.002-05:00

Guy: "All you can do is give an honest answer."

Girl: "But if they ask what my goals are, I can't say, 'To marry into a rich family so I won't have to work at a second rate company like this one.'"

Guy: "You need to spin that into a more productive statement that makes it sound work related. Something like, 'I'd like to join an organization that is not only established, but successful enough to provide for all of its employees.'"

- Northwestern University

-- Submitted by Tanya

If it's Sam Zell, he won't care.

2009-07-17T15:45:00.002-05:00

Woman: "Is killing a customer and then posting them up as a warning grounds for being fired?"

Man: "Probably. But you'd have to check with the owner."

- North Side Restaurant

-- Submitted by Katja

Someone really needs tickets.

2009-07-17T15:36:00.003-05:00

Guy: (on cell) "I really need some tickets for the Cubs game, but I need to pay under face value. Right. It depends how rough you'd be."

- Red Line

-- Submitted by Hound

Your guess is as good as anybody's.

2009-07-15T13:51:00.003-05:00

Guy: "When is it time to go back home?"

Girl: "We usually leave around 7:30."

Guy: "You said there'd be food, here."

Girl: "There's fruit over there."

Guy: "Fruit? What the hell am I going to do with that?"

- North Shore Book Club

-- Submitted by Avid Reader

Drones, yes. Robots, not yet.

2009-07-15T13:49:00.003-05:00

Guy #1: "I want to design video games."

Guy #2: "I think you need to go to school for that."

Guy #1: "No way. There has to be robots around that do the actual work. I just want to tell them what kind of shit to shoot."

- Evanston

-- Submitted by Relay

Business basics.

2009-07-15T13:47:00.001-05:00

Girl: (on cell) "If the school wants to make more money, they should just build a strip club on site. That way, all the girls paying their way through college can stay on campus!"

- UIC

-- Submitted by Colleen

Subaru.

2009-07-13T14:58:00.001-05:00

Dumb Girl: "We need to find out who makes Mazda."

- Naperville Shell Station

-- Submitted by HondaDriverV6

Funny because it's true!

2009-07-13T14:56:00.001-05:00

(3 kids see a window washer)

Kid #1: "Oh, wow! I could never do that."

Kid #2: "I thought they had robots to do that now."

Kid #3: "Well, that's the job you get if you don't go to college."

- Corner of Madison & Franklin

-- Submitted by Koz

Someon's excited

2009-07-13T14:55:00.000-05:00

Man: "23! 23! It's my birthday! Let's wake this block UP!"

- 6:30 a.m., residential section of Crystal St.

-- Submitted by Paul

Until you blue-screened.

2009-07-09T15:33:00.001-05:00

Guy: "If you were a Mac, and I was a PC, I would have beaten the shit out of you right now."

- Chicago State University

-- Submitted by Leela

SPAM THEM!

2009-07-09T15:32:00.001-05:00

Guy #1: "Let's go postal."

Guy #2: "That's so 1990's. We should make up something new."

Guy #1: "Well, we can't go all email on their asses. That just sounds stupid."

- Lakeview

-- Submitted by Stupefied

It's not exactly a compliment.

2009-07-09T15:31:00.001-05:00

Girl #1: "...she's such a jap!"

Girl #2: "Asian or Hebrew?"

Girl #1: "Can she be both? But not like, meanly?"

- Northwestern

-- Submitted by Alfalfa

He's not a King, he's a Pink Lady

2009-07-08T16:15:00.002-05:00

Thug: "They think I'm a king cause of my mustache. It grows in thin so it makes me look like a king, even when I wear pink."

- #22 Clark bus

-- Submitted by PMA

Another reason to weep for the future. A lot.

2009-07-08T16:14:00.000-05:00

Girl: "I mean, I haven't thought in, like, four months."

- Truman College

-- Submitted by Cami

World's biggest bar.

2009-07-08T16:09:00.001-05:00

Girl #1: (In Reference to Kosuke Fukudome) "You should yell at him in Chinese!"

Girl #2: "Tell him 'Konichiwa!'"

Girl #3: "No. He wouldn't understand that. That's Asian"

- Wrigley Field

-- Submitted by jrc

They'll figure out a way to make ice cream.

2009-07-02T13:20:00.002-05:00

Guy: "...and I'm just tired of watching Iron Chef."

Girl: "What's the problem?"

Guy: "The ingredients are getting boring. I'm waiting for him to life the freaking lid and say, 'Today's ingredients: GLASS SHARDS!"

- Metra South Shore

-- Submitted by Ute

Poor Jake.

2009-07-02T13:19:00.002-05:00

Girl #1: "Are we going to Jake's barbecue or Laney's?"

Girl #2: "It all depends on the amount of meat we'll be having."

Girl #1: "I can almost guarantee there will be more at Laney's."

- Loyola

-- Submitted by Quest

And she's only 5.

2009-07-02T13:18:00.002-05:00

Guy: (on cell) "No, doc. It's gotten to the point that when I ask her if she wants to go to school, she asks me if I want to go to hell."

- Randolph/Michigan office

-- Submitted by Stunned

Incentive...

2009-06-30T15:18:00.001-05:00

Guy #1: "You want to come play some video games later this week?"

Guy #2: "Will your wife be there for me to stare at?"

- Grant Park

-- Submitted by Ali

Shot down. Hard.

2009-06-30T15:14:00.002-05:00

Guy: "It's just so great to see you again."

Girl: "Yeah. It's been a long time since you've hit on me."

Guy: "We can skip straight to the pre-breakfast part, you know."

Girl: "You mean me waking up in my bed, in my house, by myself?"

Guy: "Before that?"

Girl: "This IS before that."

- Fransesca's, Bryn Mawr

-- Submitted by Leon

Point, counter-point. Kinda.

2009-06-30T15:12:00.002-05:00

Guy #1: "There are just no jobs out there."

Guy #2: "Do you ever think it's your general malaise and lack of drive that makes you unemployable?"

Guy #1: "No. I really think it's just a market thing. I just have to wait it out and something will come."

- Lincoln Park

-- Submitted by JJ

And the sludge. And the mobsters.

2009-06-29T15:39:00.001-05:00

Guy: "The water in the lake is so clear you can see all the way down to the bottom."

Girl: "Where the garbage is?"

- Hyde Park Art Center

-- Submitted by Crystal

Pushing the buttons, though, is another thing.

2009-06-29T15:38:00.000-05:00

Woman: (on cell) "My kids can put a hot dog in the microwave. They KNOW how to feed themselves."

- #36 Broadway bus

-- Submitted by Milhouse

If there's grass on the field, but it's muddy...forget it.

2009-06-29T15:35:00.000-05:00

Girl: "I only do anal because sex before marriage is wrong. I'm a Christain!"

Guy: "And what does the Bible have to say about Sodomy before Marriage?"

Girl: "Why would anyone put sod on me?"

- Andersonville

-- Submitted by mcfarlandwrites

Try the zoo...for idiots.

2009-06-24T16:08:00.002-05:00

Girl: "Is there anywhere I can go in Chicago where I can hug a Panda?"

Guy: "Those things are kinda fierce."

Girl: "They've never been hugged by me before. They'll chill."

- Grant Park

-- Submitted by Drizzle

Jump in the deep end.

2009-06-24T16:05:00.003-05:00

Guy #1: "It's so freaking hot out! When is fall coming?"

Guy #2: "Didn't you just ask for summer three days ago when it was 60 and rainy?"

Guy #1: "But I didn't want summer to be THIS hot. Just kinda hot."

Guy #2: "You're 'kinda' the biggest attention grabbing turd I know."

- DePaul

-- Submitted by Lexus

Some guys don't need it.

2009-06-24T16:05:00.001-05:00

Girl: "Why would a guy be interested in a mermaid? She doesn't have a snatch."

- Red Line

-- Submitted by HJ1000

Not like your brain is busy.

2009-06-23T16:22:00.004-05:00

Girl: "I like giant, salted pretzels."

Guy: "Right."

Girl: "Except I hate giant unsalted pretzels. And I don't like the taste of just the salt without the pretzels."

Guy: "Okay."

Girl: "Why can't my face stop playing these games with my brain?!"

- Northwestern

-- Submitted by Yumpers

Ace-hole in deed.

2009-06-23T16:18:00.001-05:00

Guy: (on cell) "You have the ace in the hole, man. All you have to tell her is that your mom slept with her brother. How do you lose that argument?"

- Lincoln Park

-- Submitted by Jimbo

No where to be found.

2009-06-23T16:11:00.000-05:00

Train Rider: "We had to watch this movie about prostitution. It was supposed to be all tragic and everything, but it wasn't tragic at all. I kept waiting, like 'Okay, where's the tragic part?'"

- Red Line

-- Submitted by Diane

That's only one optio...oooooh.

2009-06-18T15:37:00.001-05:00

Guy: "Your two options are both shutting up!"

- North Ave Beach

-- Submitted by Confused

Good thing he's not a butt man.

2009-06-18T15:35:00.002-05:00

Guy: "I've always loved the feet of a baby. So pure, soft, and supple; plus they're always a bit stinky."

-Whole Foods Sauganash

-- Submitted by Joe

So you got the tickets for free?

2009-06-18T15:33:00.003-05:00

Guy: "Nothing like two crappy teams playing a meaningless series to show how patheticly ridiculous this town is when it comes to baseball."

- Wrigley Field

-- Submitted by Clark Kent

Definitely one way to look at it.

2009-06-17T16:22:00.001-05:00

Guy: "If you don't have any baggage at this point in your life, you must not be any good."

- Durkins

-- Submitted by EI