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| Tuesday, March 31, 2009 |
| Shaping young minds |
Student: "When I started painting class, I knew nothing about painting. The professor was just like, 'Aaaaaand... paint.'"
- Michigan Avenue
-- Submitted by Matt |
posted by Ziggy @ 12:39 PM   Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| It'd get MAD media coverage |
Girl: "Why can't you just tell them you refuse to get laid off?"
Guy: "It doesn't work that way."
Girl: "Well. Tell them that you're going to organize a sit in."
Guy: "Ok. I'll get all four of us to sit in against the other 3 employees that are left. It'll be a showdown for the ages. Great idea."
- Grant Park
-- Submitted by Collins |
| posted by Ziggy @ 12:36 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Rough decision. |
Guy: (on cell) "How on earth do you confuse lavendar with maroon? How do you do that? Well, as I see it your two options are going to the store or going to hell. Your choice."
- Merchandise Mart
-- Submitted by Shoppey |
| posted by Ziggy @ 12:34 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Friday, March 27, 2009 |
| Get this girl rubber pants! |
Woman: "I peed the bed once, but it was an air mattress. So that made it way worse"
- Southport Lanes
-- Submitted by Amanda |
| posted by Ziggy @ 3:09 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| That can be arranged. |
Guy #1: "Spring break in T minus 5. Hell yeah!"
Guy #2: "Who cares? We aren't going anywhere and we have to work."
Guy #1: "But just IMAGINE we were staring at chicks and getting laid. Makes spring break all that much better."
Guy #2: "Yeah. Because picturing Amy at the front desk naked definitely makes me want to party. I'd rather see the Bears O-line naked."
- Lincoln Park
-- Submitted by Fransisco |
| posted by Ziggy @ 3:07 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| He'd NEVER leave me alone. |
Man: "I'll leave you alone right up until the point you start doin the kickin' chicken."
- Roosevelt and Halsted
-- Submitted by Sh |
| posted by Ziggy @ 3:05 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Wednesday, March 25, 2009 |
| Yes. Fish dissolve in water. |
Guy: (on cell) "He thinks the tuna busted the dishwasher? But it's a fish? Wouldn't it just dissolve in the water? But it's a fish for crying out loud! How does that break a water based device?"
- Red Line
-- Submitted by Rick B. |
| posted by Ziggy @ 4:20 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| It's no good on its own, pal. |
Woman: "I'm absolutely tired of my vagina."
Man: "Can I borrow it for a while?"
- DePaul
-- Submitted by Teeny |
| posted by Ziggy @ 4:20 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Again? |
Guy: (on cell) "I think tonight I'm going to be potty training my wife again."
- Union Station
-- Submitted by Guy |
| posted by Ziggy @ 4:18 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Tuesday, March 24, 2009 |
| Because HR departments have become jokes. |
Guy #1: "How's the job hunt going?"
Guy #2: "Fine, I guess. The way I'm figuring it, it's not really a rejection if they never contact you. You're just on hold. Forever."
- Evanston
-- Submitted by RR |
| posted by Ziggy @ 2:54 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Me thinks that something will be ruined. |
Guy: (on cell) "If you ruin it, it will ruin the entire surprise. Then the event will be ruined which will ruin my day, thus ruining everything. Don't ruin that."
- Metra Union Pacific West
-- Submitted by Beth |
| posted by Ziggy @ 2:52 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Nothing like some good smarm |
Woman: "He was all flirty and I thought he was a little bit smarmy. But not BAD swarmy. Not, like, lawyer smarmy."
- Damen and Wabansia
-- Submitted by Tabitha |
| posted by Ziggy @ 2:50 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Friday, March 20, 2009 |
| Pent up issues? |
Girl: "Mommy, I went potty!"
Mom: "Wow! Good job! Grandma's going to be SO proud of you!"
Girl: "Did you go potty, too?"
Mom: "Yes, but grandma's never proud of me."
- Lincoln Park Zoo bathroom
-- Submitted by Spinner |
| posted by Ziggy @ 4:06 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Jealous. |
Guy #1: "My brother wants to build a go-kart."
Guy #2: "Oh yeah? For what?"
Guy #1: "I think he's going to get into a race back home."
Guy #2: "Oh gee wilikers! Are Alfalfa and Spanky going to be there? Hot DOG!"
- Northwestern University
-- Submitted by Lacey |
| posted by Ziggy @ 4:02 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Someone is generalizing. |
Girl: (on cell) "Well if you were a Geico caveman, the first thing we'd do is shave your back and face. But of course, if you were a caveman, odds are I wouldn't be dating you. I like my men more modern and less smelly."
- Michigan and Roosevelt Bus stop
-- Submitted by Colin |
| posted by Ziggy @ 4:00 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Thursday, March 19, 2009 |
| For her it is. |
Guy #1: "We should find out what she's getting him for a groom's gift and then get him two of the same thing."
Guy #2: "Right. But is it considered a gift when you actual take someone's manhood?"
- Law Office, Downtown
-- Submitted by Jerry |
| posted by Ziggy @ 2:57 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Playstation Portables are watching.... |
Guy: "He could read my mind like he had PSP or something."
- Loyola University
-- Submitted by Qwerty |
| posted by Ziggy @ 2:56 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| The man loves his balls. |
Girl: (on cell) "I just can't take any more stupid sports. It's twenty four seven with you! If ESPN is on when I get home, I'm leaving. No you shouldn't pack my things, you jerk!"
- Water Tower Place
-- Submitted by Krousa |
| posted by Ziggy @ 2:54 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Wednesday, March 18, 2009 |
| Tea or otherwise! |
Girl: "I'm serious. There's not a spot of anything on anything that shouldn't have a spot of anything on it."
- UIC
-- Submitted by SH |
| posted by Ziggy @ 3:06 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Sounds appetizing. |
Man: "What're we doing for dinner?"
Woman: "I figure with the kids out, we'll just throw the left-overs from the past few days together."
Man: "So that'd be..."
Woman: "A meatsagnachickensaladloaf."
- Barnes and Noble, Skokie
-- Submitted by Pete |
| posted by Ziggy @ 3:03 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Try it and send me what your boss says! |
Girl #1: "I think my foot hurts."
Girl #2: "Well, does it hurt or doesn't it?"
Girl #1: "I can't tell. Every time I step it kinda feels like something is there kinda, but every time I lift it off the ground, that something is kinda gone."
Girl #2: "That's not going to get you out of work."
- Blue Line
-- Submitted by Tracker |
| posted by Ziggy @ 3:01 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Monday, March 16, 2009 |
| Someone talk to the Amstel people! |
Girl #1: "They're changing the formula of Old Style? What the fuck? What are they going to change?"
Girl #2: "It's going to be the same, only less krauesened than previously. Don't worry--it'll still suck.
Girl #1: "Well, that's a relief."
-Red Line
-- Submitted by Spinner |
| posted by Ziggy @ 4:42 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Opposite sexed poisons. |
Guy: (on cell) "You NEVER mix Right Guard with Secret! Especially one arm each. That's like mixing poisons!"
- Northwestern
-- Submitted by Nate |
| posted by Ziggy @ 4:40 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Nothing unusual in this city. |
Girl: "I should call him to tell him it's over. Hopefully the public obscenities would scare the tourists away."
- Giant phone on Michigan Ave.
-- Submitted by Damon B. |
| posted by Ziggy @ 4:39 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Friday, March 13, 2009 |
| Well, the people ARE stupid... |
Woman: "Every show has a talking animal in it. Talking pigs, talking sheep, talking cows, talking dogs, talking anything but people. And whenever the people are on, they're always stupid or bumbling dopes who need to get saved by the ever so clever animal. You'd think PETA would be less involved in kid shows."
- North Side
-- Submitted by Leesee |
| posted by Ziggy @ 4:52 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Just like grandma used to make. |
Guy: (on cell) "My kids are getting chocolate chip cookies as a present from grandma tonite. Right, but the only problem is that the cookies are so hard, they're either going to break their teeth or break the floor when they drop them. I don't know, mortar?"
- Blue line
-- Submitted by Endo |
| posted by Ziggy @ 4:51 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Somewhere in that small vicinity. |
Guy: "Where's Montrose and Sheridan?"
Girl: "It's off of 94 and Lake Shore Drive."
- DePaul
-- Submitted by Chris |
| posted by Ziggy @ 4:50 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Thursday, March 12, 2009 |
| Yeah. Awesome. Except for Grandma. |
Girl: "My great grandmother died. And we inherited all her jewelry. And that's like totally awesome.
-Forever 21
-- Submitted by Tim |
| posted by Ziggy @ 3:31 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| What on EARTH is the problem? |
Girl : (on cell) "...and you're going to go back into the bedroom, pull your pants down, and punch yourself in the nuts. Because it's the only thing that's going to solve it."
- Grant Park
-- Submitted by Sheila |
| posted by Ziggy @ 3:29 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| It's Columbia. This is normal. |
Girl: (in an elevator) "Wait. What floor is this? Am I on the right floor? Whoa, am I even in the right building?"
- Columbia College
-- Submitted by Zachary |
| posted by Ziggy @ 3:27 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Wednesday, March 11, 2009 |
| Or just switch to the bluetooth. |
Guy: (on cell) "Don't just stay on the phone and talk! Throw a watermelon back at him!"
- Metra Milwaukee District North
-- Submitted by Laney |
| posted by Ziggy @ 11:21 AM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Apparantly, a galaxy class starship can be run by the Love Boat guy. |
Guy: "Do you like Star Trek?"
Girl: "Yes, I do."
Guy: "Which is you favorite series?"
Girl: "I like the Next Generation."
Guy: "Who is your favorite character?"
Girl: "I like that bald guy, Capt. Stubing."
- At the NEIU Campus
-- Submitted by Aaron |
| posted by Ziggy @ 11:15 AM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Keep it to myspace. No one checks that. |
Guy: (on cell) "How do you keep your girlfriend from finding out that you keep cheating on her? Well you can stop Twittering every damn thing you do for starters, and that includes people you boink."
- Lincoln Park Zoo
-- Submitted by Kat |
| posted by Ziggy @ 11:13 AM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Friday, March 06, 2009 |
| That's quite a policy |
Girl: "What time are you coming over?"
Guy: "What time are your parents leaving?"
Girl: "Half an hour after they know you've left the house and I'm not impregnated."
- Glenview
-- Submitted by Ronnie T. |
| posted by Ziggy @ 2:27 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| At least you got to make out, right? |
Girl #1: "How was the date?"
Girl #2: "I'd rather make out with a rusty cheese grater."
- DePaul
-- Submitted by Gee-off |
| posted by Ziggy @ 2:26 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Your penis and nose would hate you. |
Guy #1: "...and to lose 50 billion dollars? I mean, what do you do with that cash?"
Guy #2: "Hookers and blow, man. Hookers and blow. It's ruined many a man."
- North Side
-- Submitted by Carly |
| posted by Ziggy @ 2:24 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Thursday, March 05, 2009 |
| That's when they DON'T freak out when you try to kill them. |
Guy: (on cell) "No! No, no, no. You can't kill them one by one. They run around freaked out and get blood everywhere when you do that! Oh, well why didn't you say it was for sport?"
- Grand and Wood
-- Submitted by Keith |
| posted by Ziggy @ 1:02 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Space occupied. |
Girl: (on cell) "She's going to the hospital now? Oh my god! Make her wait til I get there! I'm gonna be all up in her vagina!"
- Schaumburg Metra Station
-- Submitted by Timbo |
| posted by Ziggy @ 1:00 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Taurus's need extra attention. |
Girl: "Leo's need their ego's stroked to be successful. I consider myself a big time stroker."
- Northbrook
-- Submitted by Cleana |
| posted by Ziggy @ 12:59 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Tuesday, March 03, 2009 |
| There just has to be another way...for her to shuck responsibility |
Sales Associate: "Your balance on your credit card is over $1,000. Your available credit is...sorry. Zero."
Customer: "So, I CAN'T use it?"
Friend: "How can she put more money on it?"
Sales Associate: "By paying her bill."
- Victoria's Secret
-- Submitted by Maria Clara |
| posted by Ziggy @ 3:38 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Well, it is called public transit. |
Rowdy El Passenger: "This shit is public as hell!"
- Red Line
-- Submitted by Giles |
| posted by Ziggy @ 3:37 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Call me. Immediately. |
Girl #1: "...I'm tired of faking all the time."
Girl #2: "It's sad when you have to fake an orgasm while masturbating."
- Jackson Subway Station
-- Submitted by AK |
| posted by Ziggy @ 3:33 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| About Me |
Name: Ziggy
Home: Morton Grove, Illinois, United States
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