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| Thursday, January 29, 2009 |
| Must've missed that page. |
El Passenger: "People don't make babies. God makes babies. And babies are just punishment for not remaining a virgin. a Punishment! I mean the Bible, the BIBLE, warns against marriage!"
- Red Line
-- Submitted by Ariel |
posted by Ziggy @ 3:54 PM   Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Scientists say: Too late. |
Green Peace Guy: "Hey! It's her! Hey!"
Girl: "Sorry. Can't talk. I'm in a rush."
Green Peace Guy: "Hey, I'm in a rush, too. To save the planet!"
- Chicago and State
-- Submitted by Gemma |
| posted by Ziggy @ 3:51 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Delish. |
Guy: (on cell) "If you're going to the store can you pick up yogurt? Yeah and not that vomit tasting one that was full of fat."
- Yellow Line
-- Submitted by swifty |
| posted by Ziggy @ 3:48 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Tuesday, January 27, 2009 |
| Definitely. Must be the hidden tire. |
Girl: (on cell) "...And it just stopped. I was able to pull to the side. I don't know. The engine went 'crunchy, crunchy, ploppy, ploppy, screeeeeeeeeech.' And then it stopped. You don't think it's a blown tire, do you?"
- Downtown Naperville
-- Submitted by Louis |
| posted by Ziggy @ 5:00 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| She might have had a great personality. |
Guy: "I thought it'd be love at first sight until I saw her body. I think she ate her last boyfriend."
- ESPNZone
-- Submitted by Martin |
| posted by Ziggy @ 4:54 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Good try. |
Guy: "Can you make the deal better? The gym down the street is giving me 6 months free."
Sales Guy: "We're not doing that.''
Guy: "Can I get a free day then?"
- X-sport
-- Submitted by Ronnie |
| posted by Ziggy @ 4:48 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Monday, January 26, 2009 |
| He's awake and he's lying. |
Woman #1: "He just keeps waking me up, begging for a piece. In the morning he tells me he's asleep and doesn't remember any of it."
Woman #2: "He's sleepwalking?"
Woman #1: "More like sleepsexing."
- Blue Line
-- Submitted by M |
| posted by Ziggy @ 3:53 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| And for, 50 dollars, they'll pay you |
Girl: "I hear that for twenty dollars you can get everything for free."
- Belmont Red Line Stop
-- Submitted by sealouse |
| posted by Ziggy @ 3:51 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| I mean, it's KIND of technoligical. |
Woman: ''It's amazing what moderate technology can do."
- Green line
-- Submitted by Stephen |
| posted by Ziggy @ 3:47 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Friday, January 23, 2009 |
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| If you are seeing an errant posting on Google or some other RSS feed, that was an error by a publishing partner. Excuse the interruption. |
| posted by Ziggy @ 8:03 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| She got ya there. |
Guy #1: "I have to go to physical therapy."
Guy #2: "For how long?"
Guy #1: "I think eight weeks. My hand just won't get better. I guess I have to stop pleasing the women. Right?"
Random Goth Girl: "You're obviously only pleasing yourself. If you were pleasing women, you wouldn't be concerned with your hand."
- Red Line
-- Submitted by Stunned |
| posted by Ziggy @ 1:21 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Duty failed. By many. |
Guy: "I think I'm going to ask her out again."
Girl: "Your last date was a disaster. Can't you just find someone new?"
Guy: "But then where's the thrill? I've got to make things right. It's my civic duty."
Girl: "Who are you? Superawfuldaterman? Your civic duty is to not be a dumbass."
- UIC
-- Submitted by Renee |
| posted by Ziggy @ 1:20 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Try texting on it. Near impossible. |
Woman: (on cell) "How do you drunk dial on a rotary phone? It probably takes 20 minutes just to figure the damn thing out and being all inebriated. And what if you pass out mid-rotary?"
- Skokie
-- Submitted by Sheesh |
| posted by Ziggy @ 1:18 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Tuesday, January 20, 2009 |
| The donor list is going to be short. |
Girl: "If my left wrist hurts and my right wrist is fine, should I be worried about needing a transplant or replacement or something?"
- Orthopedic Office, North side
-- Submitted by Nurse of Fools |
| posted by Ziggy @ 2:56 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Vote for change indeed. |
Guy: "Now that Obama's going to be President, he'll try and fix stuff. Hopefully he brings back 70's music. And eight tracks. Awesome."
- DePaul University
-- Submitted by Zander |
| posted by Ziggy @ 2:53 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| She is now. |
Guy: (on cell, angrily speaking) "Say it! Just say it! Is she breaking up with me?!"
- Purple Line
-- Submitted by innocent bystander |
| posted by Ziggy @ 2:50 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Monday, January 19, 2009 |
| It's apparently possible with brains. |
Guy: "I wonder if it can ever get to the point where your eyeballs just shatter."
- Chicago Ave. bus
-- Submitted by Jessica |
| posted by Ziggy @ 7:09 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| It was a double whammy if she's a vet. |
Guy: (on cell) "I was in this relationship with a girl named Kelly and, you know, Memorial Weekend I just coldly dumped her."
- Office, Wolf & Palatine, Wheeling
-- Submitted by Jenny |
| posted by Ziggy @ 7:07 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Friends think of everything. |
Girl: "So you had long underwear?"
Guy: "Well I normally wear nothing, but I tried padded shorts, they worked well. Then Steve bought me these tight black ones and those were even better."
- Union Station
-- Submitted by jeff |
| posted by Ziggy @ 7:06 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Thursday, January 15, 2009 |
| You won't know until you try. And have a better attitude! |
Guy# 1: "Come on! you should run the Shamrock Shuffle with me! it'll be fun!"
Guy#2: "The what?"
Guy# 1: "It's a race!"
Guy#2: "But what if I don't win it? I don't think I should. I won't win it."
- Jewel, Roosevelt & State
-- Submitted by Oscar |
| posted by Ziggy @ 4:12 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| With the relationship? Completely. |
Guy: (on cell) "No, bitch. It's not cold for me? I wish we loved in Antarctica. Fuckin' happy?"
- Adams Street El Platform
-- Submitted by Substandard |
| posted by Ziggy @ 4:08 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Sounds legit. |
Officer: "And the reason all these drugs are in your possession is?"
Suspect: "I bought them so I could flush them down the toilet. Keep some kids safe."
- Downtown
-- Submitted by Assisting Officer |
| posted by Ziggy @ 4:05 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Wednesday, January 14, 2009 |
| P.S. You're getting evicted |
Guy: (on cell) "But if the rent is due on the 15th, why do you keep calling me three days early every month?! But it's due the 15th! Unless you're jerking off with the check before you give it to the bank, I see no reason to get it to you early every month. "
- Purple Line
-- Submitted by Cathy |
| posted by Ziggy @ 3:31 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Unknown guy code? |
Guy #1: "...and the guy just wouldn't go faster down the stairs. I got as close as I could and he wouldn't hurry up. I was going to punch him in the back of the head!"
Guy #2: "Why didn't you pass him?"
Guy #1: "That's akin to ball punching. Total dick move."
- South Loop/Columbia
-- Submitted by Paul |
| posted by Ziggy @ 3:27 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Man's gotta eat. He can't be buyin' extra pants! |
Guy: (Wiping salt stains off his khaki pants) "I hate winter. I hate, hate, hate it. I am not made of money. I can't just wash my pants whenever I want"
- West Town Office
-- Submitted by Regina |
| posted by Ziggy @ 3:22 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Tuesday, January 13, 2009 |
| And brains tatooed on your rear. |
Barfly: "I wanna get lips tattooed on my lips."
- Jake's Pub
-- Submitted by amy dee |
| posted by Ziggy @ 3:57 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Kids are fearless. And often stupid. |
Mom: "Get back from the street! You're gonna trip and fall under the bus!"
Little boy: "Cool!"
- Lawrence and Western
-- Submitted by Spinner |
| posted by Ziggy @ 3:54 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Uh....we didn't win. |
Hobo in Vietnam Vet Hat: "You sistas should thank me for your job. I hadn'ta fought in Vietnam, you'd be speaking Vietnamese now."
- 47th and Cottage Grove
-- Submitted by Just trying to get by on the South Side |
| posted by Ziggy @ 3:52 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Friday, January 09, 2009 |
| When you start enjoying it. |
Cop: "When does CPR become necrophilia?"
- Union Station
--Submitted by Melissa |
| posted by Ziggy @ 3:09 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| In today's troubled times... |
Guy: (on cell) "You're wearing a what? The only place you'd wear a corset to an interview is at the Bunny Ranch!"
- State and Lake
-- Submitted by Amy |
| posted by Ziggy @ 3:06 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Makes the first step unnecessary. |
Girl: "If you brush my ass again, I'm gonna rip out your eyes and replace them with your balls. Then I'll kill you. Twice."
- Green Line
-- Submitted by tyler |
| posted by Ziggy @ 3:04 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Thursday, January 08, 2009 |
| Not even in a smelly way? |
Guy: (on cell) "I love her and I'm happy we're together, but I need her to stop crapping in my shoes. It's not cute."
- Michigan and Roosevelt
-- Submitted by Jay |
| posted by Ziggy @ 3:53 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Disinviting yourself over? |
Girl: "Can I come over for dinner?"
Guy: "Sure. What time?"
Girl: "I'm too tired to come over. Another time, maybe?"
- DePaul
-- Submitted by Randy |
| posted by Ziggy @ 3:51 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Your brain has already succumbed. |
Guy: "If I die from the HIV, I'll survive."
- Diversey Rock and Bowl
-- Submitted by Joe |
| posted by Ziggy @ 3:46 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Wednesday, January 07, 2009 |
| What if it was your son? |
Woman: (on cell) "There isn't anything more awkward than watchin' your 3 year old daughter breast feed her baby doll in front of your boss. No, I'm not facebooking it!"
- Red Line
-- Submitted by Jeanette |
| posted by Ziggy @ 3:18 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| No. You're not. Hence the trust. |
Guy #1: "Why don't you worry about toilet seat covers at my house?"
Guy #2: "Because you're not a stranger."
Guy #1: "So you trust my ass to be less infested? I'm touched."
- Navy Pier
-- Submitted by Vinny |
| posted by Ziggy @ 3:10 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Neith did green money. Or white Broncos. |
Guy: "White money didn't do OJ no good."
- #8 Halsted bus
-- Submitted by Stagalicious |
| posted by Ziggy @ 3:07 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Tuesday, January 06, 2009 |
| No bottles on the train, rulebreaker. |
Conductor: "We're gonna be stoppin for 15 minutes. I know you wanna get home, I know i do. Open up a bottle of Chardonnay. Mmmm."
- Brown Line
-- Submitted by G |
| posted by Ziggy @ 4:17 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| They need to be separated. |
(Night of New Years @ 3am.)
Two guys in the same stall in the mens room.
Guy #1: "Well, what do you want me to do?"
Guy #2: "Call 911"!
Guy #1: "And what the fuck should I tell them?"
Guy #2: "Tell them to come and pick us up!"
- Clarke's on Belmont
-- Submitted by Paul |
| posted by Ziggy @ 4:15 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| That's a lotta Jesus. |
Subway Jesus (dressed in a white robe carrying a large cross): "HAVE YOU FOUND JESUS, MA'AM!??"
Lady: "Um, sure."
Subway Jesus: "YOU!?" (pointing to a boy in his teens)
Teen Boy: "Enough to be Pagan?"
-- Purple Line
--Submitted by Surprised and Amused |
| posted by Ziggy @ 4:09 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Monday, January 05, 2009 |
| Not at all? |
Girl: "An orange is nothing like a vagina."
- Uptown
-- Submitted by Spinner |
| posted by Ziggy @ 3:27 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Fried spider doesn't sound as tasty. |
Girl: (Eating calamari) "An Octopus doesn't have eight legs!"
Guy: "Are you sure?"
Girl: "Yes, only spiders have 8 legs. Octopuses don't."
- Italian Village
-- Submitted by Kevin |
| posted by Ziggy @ 3:24 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| She's got the future all planned out. In Huggies. |
Girl: "No, it's ok, because when I turn 25 he'll turn 50 and we can celebrate our 75th."
Guy: "Yea, but just think of it this way. In a few years he'll be in diapers and you'll be, like, normal."
Girl: "Well, I'm never really normal, so there's a chance I can end up in diapers any day really."
- Loop Elevator
-- Submitted by MB |
| posted by Ziggy @ 3:21 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| About Me |
Name: Ziggy
Home: Morton Grove, Illinois, United States
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