|
| Wednesday, November 26, 2008 |
| Happy Thanksgiving!! |
Guy: ''Well, there's no chance I'll have THAT music stuck in my head for the next three days.''
Girl: ''It's modern opera - it is what it is.''
Guy: ''Yeah. What it is, is sucky.''
- Lyric Opera lobby during intermission
-- Submitted by misterb
(Back on Monday!) |
posted by Ziggy @ 3:20 PM   Del.icio.us Digg it! |
|
|
|
|
| Honesty: not always the best policy. |
Woman: (on cell) "You can't bring your parents because they smell. Happy, Dean?"
- Union Station
-- Submitted by Felipe |
| posted by Ziggy @ 3:18 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
|
|
|
|
| No. It's not. |
Girl: "My eyes are killing me. I think I have pink eye. Can you check?"
Guy: "Sure."
(Girl closes her eyes.)
Guy: "Open your eyes."
Girl: "No. It's on my eyelid!"
- DePaul
-- Submitted by Lara |
| posted by Ziggy @ 3:14 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
|
|
|
| Tuesday, November 25, 2008 |
| Fun night? |
Girl: (on cell) "Hi Chrissy, it's Jenny. Sorry I didn't call you back last night. I completely blacked out. I woke up with a party hat on and cigarette butt holes all over the place. I'm on my way to Taco Bell now, but give me a call later and let me know what's going on....."
- #22 Clark Bus
-- Submitted by Dtrain |
| posted by Ziggy @ 3:52 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
|
|
|
|
| Really. What a moron. |
Guy #1: "We should make up our own language. Like Klingon!"
Guy #2: "Why not learn Klingon?"
Guy #1: "Already been done, idiot!"
- Northwestern
-- Submitted by Lasso |
| posted by Ziggy @ 3:48 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
|
|
|
|
| So stop. Or will your mom get mad? |
Guy: (on cell) "I'm tired of clenching my damn abs, mom!"
- Jackson and State
-- Submitted by Benn |
| posted by Ziggy @ 3:44 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
|
|
|
| Monday, November 24, 2008 |
| That's gratitude. |
Woman #1: "Hey, can you give me any change?"
Woman #2: "No, I've got nothing. Sorry."
Woman #1: "That's okay--BITCH-ASS!"
- Lawrence and Broadway
-- Submitted by Spinner |
| posted by Ziggy @ 3:54 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
|
|
|
|
| Raise your hand if you need to look up 'pederast' on google. |
Grizzled Man: (On Cell) "They can't call you a pederast just because that kid says you're a pederast. Well, at least it was a nice funeral."
-Blue Line
-- Submitted by Tom |
| posted by Ziggy @ 3:47 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
|
|
|
|
| If you're not part of the solution... |
Guy: "A lot of people are starting to worry about inflation."
Girl: "What's inflation?"
Guy: "It's when the value of money goes up."
Girl: "Oh."
(The guy starts explaining inflation in detail, all of which is wrong.)
Guy: "So basically its like everything is on sale."
Girl: "You're complicated."
- University of Chicago
-- Submitted by Steve Sp |
| posted by Ziggy @ 3:41 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
|
|
|
| Thursday, November 20, 2008 |
| Sound advice from a guy in the know |
Homeless Guy: "If I'm the auto dudes, I'm going to Congress and askin' for 50 trillion dollars. You gotta start 'um high and work 'um down. Business basics, man. That's why they failin'.''
- Wacker and Jackson
-- Submitted by Bob |
| posted by Ziggy @ 2:40 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
|
|
|
|
| This woman is probably awesome to hang out with |
Angry Woman: "If that bitch ask to see my I.D. one more time, I'm goin' crazy. I don't look like no 21 year old and you are NOT putting lameass 'you look young' compliment on me. Ho."
- West Side
-- Submitted by Noah |
| posted by Ziggy @ 2:37 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
|
|
|
|
| She needs to try chewing a bear. |
Girl: "I wish gummi bears were more gum than mi bears. Then I could blow gum bear bubbles."
- Niles West High School
-- Submitted by Greg |
| posted by Ziggy @ 2:33 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
|
|
|
| Wednesday, November 19, 2008 |
| I prefer the one about the furry lobster. |
Girl: "Turn the radio up! This is that song about the balding shrimp!"
- Deerfield High School
-- Submitted by Kyle |
| posted by Ziggy @ 2:52 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
|
|
|
|
| Good luck with that. |
Student #1: "This semester my goal is straight A's."
Student #2: "That's mozt students' goal."
Student #1: "Right. But I don't want to read the books. Or go to class. Or do anything really."
- Loyola University
-- Submitted by Chief |
| posted by Ziggy @ 2:49 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
|
|
|
|
| Nothing like free grossburgers. |
Woman: "As long as people keep handing in these Burger King wallets, I'm going to eat like a queen!"
Man: "Who'll be dead in a weak from nasty ass, Grade F meat."
- CTA Subway Security, off Michigan Ave.
-- Submitted by Randy |
| posted by Ziggy @ 2:44 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
|
|
|
| Tuesday, November 18, 2008 |
| But only once. |
Girl: "My mom is a high risk person. If you tell her to jump off a bridge into a spiked rock valley, she probably try it."
- Northwestern University
-- Submitted by Drama |
| posted by Ziggy @ 4:21 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
|
|
|
|
| Uh....ok. |
Guy: "Your arm is so unnatural. I love it."
- Red Line
-- Submitted by Rebecca |
| posted by Ziggy @ 4:15 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
|
|
|
|
| That's not OSHA compliant. |
Guy: "I'm thinking of going heel at work. Cuttin' promos and shit."
Girl: "Take a breather, Stone Cold. Your boss will body slam you."
- Michigan Ave.
-- Submitted by Matt |
| posted by Ziggy @ 4:06 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
|
|
|
| Monday, November 17, 2008 |
| Well, did you see them? |
Receptionist: "I booked you in the small conference room, but someone just snuck in there while I wasn't looking. I don't know who it is."
Employee: "Well, who is it?"
Receptionist: "I don't know, they snuck in while I wasn't looking."
Employee: "Well, when are they going to be done?"
Receptionist: "I don't know, they snuck in there while I wasn't looking."
- Downtown Office
-- Submitted by Tekie |
| posted by Ziggy @ 3:56 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
|
|
|
|
| You won't know until you check. |
Guy: (on cell) "Well, I don't know then, honey. I'm sure 'raggy bitch' won't be in the dictionary."
- Blue Line
-- Submitted by Aghast |
| posted by Ziggy @ 3:52 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
|
|
|
|
| Seriously. Our future. |
Girl: "We want Terminator 2 Sarah Connor."
Librarian: "You mean the older movie with Schwarzenegger?"
Guy: "No, the one on TV."
Librarian: "The Sarah Connor Chronicles? The TV show?"
Guy: "Yeah, that one."
Librarian: "Ok, we don't have it, but I can order season 1 for you."
Girl: "No, we want season 2"
Librarian: "You mean the one that's on tv right now?"
Guy: "Yeah, that one."
Librarian: "It's on TV. It's not on DVD yet."
Guy and Girl: ...
Librarian: "They don't release the DVDs for a season until after the season is over."
Guy: "You mean you can't just get it for us? Like burn it onto a DVD for us?"
- Riverside Library
-- Submitted by Kimmi |
| posted by Ziggy @ 3:47 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
|
|
|
| Friday, November 14, 2008 |
| Way to stay on the wagon |
Woman: "I don't drink too much. I haven't had any since...today."
- Fox & Hound, Bloomingdale
--Submitted by Loeds |
| posted by Ziggy @ 3:16 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
|
|
|
|
| The dress probably doesn't fit. |
Guy: (on cell) "So I have one bad day and the whole joint is on my ass. I can't always be Mary fuckin' Poppins people.''
- Metra Milwaukee District North Line.
-- Submitted by Frankie |
| posted by Ziggy @ 3:11 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
|
|
|
|
| This girl is a brain |
Girl #1: ''What do you think of the yellow lights in here?''
Girl #2: 'They're awesome. Now I know what it's like to be Asian!''
- Ladies' room at Sonotheque
-- Submitted byNicole |
| posted by Ziggy @ 3:08 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
|
|
|
| Thursday, November 13, 2008 |
| Chicago hotel hospitality. |
Concierge: "Can I help you, sir?"
Guy: "Do I have to be staying here for you to help me?"
Concierge: "We prefer it that way, sir."
Guy: "So that means..."
Concierge: "It's a polite way of telling people to take a hike."
- Downtown Hotel
-- Submitted by Carla |
| posted by Ziggy @ 2:49 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
|
|
|
|
| Either way you're studying anatomy |
Guy #1 : "Let's go study."
Guy #2: "I'm not in the mood. ''
Guy #1: "Then...?"
Guy #2: "Amateur porn?"
Guy #1: "Make or watch?"
Guy #2: "Your call."
- UIC
-- Submitted by Flame On! |
| posted by Ziggy @ 2:44 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
|
|
|
|
| I bet it was. |
Guy: (on cell) "Sitting his urine was gross."
-Blue Line
--submitted by Howard |
| posted by Ziggy @ 2:40 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
|
|
|
| Wednesday, November 12, 2008 |
| The guy is obviously a brown-noser (drum fill) |
Guy: (on cell) "No. There was a toilet paper rip. I saw the leg lift. Then, without another T.P. rip, there was nose blowing. I was mortified."
- Green Line
-- Submitted by Papas Fritas |
| posted by Ziggy @ 2:13 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
|
|
|
|
| Technology wasted |
Woman: (on blackberry) "I need directions to your place. Yeah. But my phone can't just figure out what restaurant we're going to. Yeah, but I don't know the address! Google it where?! Oh."
- Michigan and Jackson
-- Submitted by Sammy |
| posted by Ziggy @ 2:07 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
|
|
|
|
| Red alert! |
McDonald's Employee: "Yo! Get over here! These Diet Cokes is ALLLL fucked up!"
- McCormick Place
--Submitted by Spinner |
| posted by Ziggy @ 2:03 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
|
|
|
| Tuesday, November 11, 2008 |
| She's a catch, guys. Line forms to the left. |
Guy: "So why are you here?"
Girl: "To make sure I really don't want to date."
Guy: "And?"
Girl: "There's too much 'poor loser' in here for me to find a husband."
- Speed dating, North Side
-- Submitted by Carol |
| posted by Ziggy @ 12:30 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
|
|
|
|
| Slater? |
Guy: "From now on, I'm only going to date girls who are into the real me. The fake me was way too 'Zack Morris.'"
- Joe's on Weed Street
-- Submitted by Atari |
| posted by Ziggy @ 12:28 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
|
|
|
|
| She yapped on about Xenu with a hot accent. |
Guy: "The last prostitute I had sex with was a South African Scientologist."
- Downtown
-- Submiited by Sara |
| posted by Ziggy @ 12:20 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
|
|
|
| Monday, November 10, 2008 |
| What's back surgery when chocolate is involved? |
Girl #1: "I think it'd be great if it snows a ton."
Girl #2: "Wouldn't Ron have to shovel before work?"
Girl #1: "Right."
Girl #2: "His back would be screaming."
Girl #1: "Right. But he'd make hot chocolate for both of us."
- Old Orchard Shopping Center
-- Submitted by Willie |
| posted by Ziggy @ 11:41 AM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
|
|
|
|
| That's the ONLY way?? |
Guy: (on cell) "The only way I'm getting out of that job is if I crap on Joe's desk, but then I'd be risking my unemployment benefits."
- Red Line
-- Submitted by Saul |
| posted by Ziggy @ 11:37 AM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
|
|
|
|
| It's not a challenge. |
Guy: "Don't do it."
Girl: "Why not?"
Guy: "You're scandalous!"
Girl: "If that's what it takes to ruin his life, I accept the challenge."
- DePaul
-- Submitted by Janine |
| posted by Ziggy @ 11:17 AM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
|
|
|
| Friday, November 07, 2008 |
| Walk away slowly and maintain eye contact. |
Girl: "I'm just tired of being grumpy."
Guy: "Maybe you're pregnant."
Girl: "Maybe YOU'RE pregnant!"
Guy: How can that be possible?"
Girl: "Because I said so. Now shut the hell up or I'll grumpify your life."
- Grant Park
-- Submitted by Face |
| posted by Ziggy @ 10:13 AM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
|
|
|
|
| Mostly indeed. |
Female Sales Rep: "So after talking to several people today i have come to the realization that guys are much nicer on the phone than women. They are also more likely to buy cable. I have had 31 male customers and 16 female customers. Why do you suppose that is?"
Male Supervior: "I think it's more that you're a girl and most guys pick up on that. And you sound 'nice' on the phone. See Audrey, men always have an alterior motive, whereas women unfortunately do not....mostly."
- Chicago Office
-- Submitted by Ania |
| posted by Ziggy @ 10:08 AM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
|
|
|
|
| Amongst other things. |
Kid: "Why do they have grass in there?"
Mom: "'Cause people drink it."
- Jamba Juice
-- Submitted by Courtney |
| posted by Ziggy @ 10:05 AM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
|
|
|
| Thursday, November 06, 2008 |
| Wait...WHAT!?!? |
Guy: "...there's nothing to worry about. Women are just men without penises."
- Roosevelt University
-- Submitted by Grant |
| posted by Ziggy @ 2:47 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
|
|
|
|
| Keep waiting |
Guy: (yelling) "He's not the winner until Fox News declares it!"
- Obama Grant Park rally
-- Submitted by Molly |
| posted by Ziggy @ 2:45 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
|
|
|
|
| And he stole the Hope Diamond |
Guy: (selling Obama T-Shirts) "Barack Obama will stimulate the economy. He's stimulating my economy right now!"
- 53rd and Lake Park
-- Submitted by Crystal |
| posted by Ziggy @ 2:42 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
|
|
|
| Wednesday, November 05, 2008 |
| No one likes paperwork. |
Cop #1: "There are a lot of people out here. He'd better win or they going to be pissed."
Cop #2: "Tonight is either going to be a crowd deafening celebration or a riot of biblical proportion."
Cop #1: "If we build an ark real quick, we could float away on the lake."
Cop #2: "Nah. Then we'd have to explain why weren't clubbing rioters."
- Grant Park
-- Submitted by Patienne |
| posted by Ziggy @ 12:13 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
|
|
|
|
| Mothers: Crushing dreams one little boy at a time. |
Boy: "Mom? We're underwater. Does that mean we're mermaids?"
Mom: "No. Mermaids are girls."
- Shedd Aquarium
-- Submitted by Innocent Bystander |
| posted by Ziggy @ 12:12 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
|
|
|
|
| Better than the baby. |
Woman: "GET OUT! He's like, humping it! MY DIAPER BAG IS BEING VIOLATED BY THAT SQUIRREL!"
- Lakeview Park
-- Submitted by Dan |
| posted by Ziggy @ 12:10 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
|
|
|
| Tuesday, November 04, 2008 |
| Go vote |
Drunk Guy: (seeing two guys dressed as Winnie the Pooh and Tigger) "Tigger and Pooh for love! That's like Jesus and...Jesus!"
- North Clark bar
-- Submitted by Patrick |
| posted by Ziggy @ 12:06 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
|
|
|
|
| Go vote |
Girl: "Dude I'm a fucking panda. A drunk fucking panda!"
- South Loop
-- Submittedbg Patrick |
| posted by Ziggy @ 12:05 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
|
|
|
|
| Go vote |
Woman: (bending down to pick up crushed candy from the street) "Ain't no shame in my game! I like sweets!"
- Magnificent Mile
-- Submitted by Leigh |
| posted by Ziggy @ 12:00 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
|
|
|
|
|
| By submitting a dialogue to this web site, you are granting the site an unlimited right to republish the dialogue in any online or printed form. This right is semi-exclusive, retained also by the eavesdropper and the speakers of the dialogue. |
| About Me |
Name: Ziggy
Home: Morton Grove, Illinois, United States
About Me:
See my complete profile
|
| Important Links |
| |
