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| Thursday, July 31, 2008 |
| That vibe is your allergies. |
Guy: "That chick gave off a weird vibe. Like she lives with a lot of cats."
- Oak Park
-- Submitted by LBT |
posted by Ziggy @ 12:19 PM   Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| It's one way of doing it. |
Guy #1: "I need a frickin' job."
Guy #2: "Well where have you looked?"
Guy #1: "It's not so much about looking. It's about finding."
Guy #2: "You just play a lot of video games and hope for the best, don't you?"
- Starbuck's, Lakeview
-- Submitted by Nadia |
| posted by Ziggy @ 12:17 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Delightful. |
Guy: "Does anyone smell that? It's like a drunk dude died. And then vomited. And then died again."
- Nick's Beer Garden
-- Submitted by Kly |
| posted by Ziggy @ 12:10 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Wednesday, July 30, 2008 |
| Yes. Now stop breaking our rules. |
Blonde Tourist Girl: "Are you allowed to talk on the bus?"
Brunette Tourist Girl: "I don't think so."
Blonde Tourist Girl: "Oh...Do you think people know that we aren't from Chicago?"
- Clark Bus
-- Submitted by Jay |
| posted by Ziggy @ 3:37 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| You can keep it. |
Cool Guy: (Ice Ice Baby starts on the jukebox)"Oh NO! Who laid the vanilla? Who laid it? That's my shit! THATS MY SHIT!!"
- Mullens
-- Submitted by AJ |
| posted by Ziggy @ 3:32 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| In size or in smoking, texting jerks? |
Guy: "You think this is big? New York is like five times bigger than Chicago. And that's just Manhattan."
- Grand Stop, Red Line
-- Submitted by Revecca |
| posted by Ziggy @ 3:30 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Tuesday, July 29, 2008 |
| With the right amount of money.... |
Teen Dude #1: "What do you want to do now?"
Teen Dude #2: "We should leave the beach, but NOT go home!"
Teen Dude #1: "Okay, then."
Teen Dude #2: "Let's go get a limo...and some hookers!"
Teen Dude #1: "Yeah. Because hookers love workin' it for 15 year olds."
- North Ave. Beach
-- Submitted by Spinner |
| posted by Ziggy @ 2:32 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Keep hoping. |
Guy: "We're waiting for the train. It's either going to be the purple one or the brown one."
Kid: "I hope it's a red one!"
- Merchandise Mart
-- Submitted by Kate |
| posted by Ziggy @ 2:29 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| You're a few months and a few religions off. |
Girl: "We saw Jesus walking around downtown today. He was holding a cross. Had a beard. Everything."
Guy: "Oh yeah, I've seen that. But usually they do something like that around a religious holiday."
Girl: "Yeah, but what holiday is it? Ramadan?"
- Loop
-- Submitted by Apeface |
| posted by Ziggy @ 2:26 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Tuesday, July 22, 2008 |
| Would you prefer a whole cow? |
Girl: "I'm hungry."
Guy: "Let's go get a burger."
Girl: "A burger? How is that going to help my hunger pains."
- 11th and Wabash
-- Submitted by Chris
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| posted by Ziggy @ 2:37 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! |
Girl #1: "Have you read this?" (Holds up The Feminine Mystique by Betty Friedman)
Girl #2: "No. Have you?"
Girl #1: "Nope. We're a disgrace to our gender."
Girl #2: "Yep. We should turn in our vaginas."
- Book Cellar in Lincoln Square
-- Submitted by Spinner |
| posted by Ziggy @ 2:34 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| 50 bucks says it's not broken. |
Guy #1: "I think I broke my arm, dude."
Guy #2: "Did you see a doctor?"
Guy #1: "Nah. I think I'll tough this one out."
- Burnham Skate Park
-- Submitted by LL |
| posted by Ziggy @ 2:27 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Monday, July 21, 2008 |
| Someone had to pay for the shower. |
Woman: "It's a long story, but it involves me in a shower with two other people and ends with me stealing a wallet with $500 in it. I'll tell you some other time."
- Maggiano's
-- Submitted by Poppy |
| posted by Ziggy @ 2:23 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Really? Cuz Gina Carano is ridiculous hot. |
Man: (on cell) "Let's talk something serious. Let's talk something serious. Why you, like, strong? I don't like strong women."
- Morseland Parking Lot
-- Submitted by AC |
| posted by Ziggy @ 2:20 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Your wife is gonna be pissed. |
Guy: "I hope I get laid by someone new tonite."
- South Side Bar
-- Submitted by Kathy |
| posted by Ziggy @ 2:17 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Friday, July 18, 2008 |
| Soccer? Uh....yeah..... |
Girl #1: "What is the ESPY? I've never heard of it before."
Guy: "It's an award show for athletes."
Girl #1: "Then why is David Beckham there?"
Girl #2: "Because he's married to Posh Spice."
- Prost, Lincoln Ave.
-- Submitted by Mandy D. |
| posted by Ziggy @ 2:30 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Eating at a free buffet? |
Guy: "Unless they have a free buffet, nothing tops what I'm going to be doing tomorrow."
- South Loop FFC
-- Submitted by Dave |
| posted by Ziggy @ 2:29 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| SOMETIMES?! |
Older Guy: (on cell) "Having women around is important, but sometimes when they get older they start to lose it. You might want to watch out for that."
- Michigan Ave.
-- Submitted by James C. |
| posted by Ziggy @ 2:24 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Thursday, July 17, 2008 |
| Yes, Ma'am! |
Woman: (on cell) "When I tell you to look at my boobs, you don't argue! It's not that hard a concept!"
- Little Italy
-- Submitted by Trav |
| posted by Ziggy @ 12:19 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Someone get a calculator. |
Woman: "What's 65% of $100?"
- Macy's shoe department, State Street
-- Submitted by Incredulous Banker |
| posted by Ziggy @ 12:18 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Let's use our inside voices next time. |
Guy: (on cell) "Oh. OH! You're SORRY. Take your sorry and shove it. You're a passive aggressive, cheating, deluded asshole. You care about yourself and think the whole world is against you. Everything you do is geared to sabotage yourself into a worse life. (pause) So what if my wife is hot? (pause) No, you can't, now go to hell."
- Red Line
-- Submitted by Weeble |
| posted by Ziggy @ 12:14 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Wednesday, July 16, 2008 |
| Or she hates swimming with you. |
Woman #1: "You want to go for a swim?"
Woman #2: "Not really."
Woman #1: "Why not?"
Woman #2: "Sharks. And Octopii."
Woman #1: "In the gym's pool?"
Woman #2: "Yes. They're everywhere."
- Chase
-- Submitted by Ricky |
| posted by Ziggy @ 12:19 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Seriously? Dunch? |
Woman: "When do you guys want to do lunch?"
Man: "I don't know. Saturday. We may have to dinner."
Woman: "Dinner is a bit late. How about we do, uh, dunch?"
- Metra, Union Pacific North
-- Submitted by Zed |
| posted by Ziggy @ 12:17 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| It's more a winged rat. |
Mother: "Get away from that! It's not a bird; it's a pigeon!"
- Jackson and State
-- Submitted by J |
| posted by Ziggy @ 12:16 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Tuesday, July 15, 2008 |
| If you can't hold your liquor, at least know what it is. |
Female: "Hey! BARTENDER!"
(Bartender walks over)
Female: "What is Jack Daniels? Isn't it vodka?"
Bartender: "...WHAT?!"
Female: "Jack Daniels is brandy?"
Bartender: "Nope."
Male: "It's whiskey."
Female: "Oh. Thanks."
Male: "Some drunk you are!"
- Carol's Pub
-- Submitted by Spinner |
| posted by Ziggy @ 12:23 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Nice even coats. |
Woman #1: "Have you thought about spray tanning?"
Woman #2: "Yeah, but isn't that harmful for the environment?"
Woman #1: "Probably."
Woman #2: "I'd rather they just use a brush or a roller or something."
- LA Fitness, West Loop
-- Submitted by Kelly |
| posted by Ziggy @ 12:21 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| At least it was polite about stealing your cash. |
Old Woman: (talking to parking garage paystation.) "Hello? You took my money and I don't have any change. Hello?"
Machine: "Thank you."
- Millenium Park Parking Garage
-- Submitted by Erin |
| posted by Ziggy @ 12:18 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Monday, July 14, 2008 |
| You, Mr. Magellan, are a sinking ship. |
Girl: "Yeah. I live in Roger's Park."
Guy: "Oh. Is that by Roscoe Village?"
Girl: "No, not really. I live on Lakewood Ave."
Guy: "Oh, yeah! Doesn't that intersect with something."
Girl: "Uhm. Yeah. It does."
- Sheffield and Armitage
-- Submitted by Apeface |
| posted by Ziggy @ 4:12 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Boonce. Boonce. |
Guy: "So did you find your soda pops?"
Stoned Guy: "Yeahhhhh. Did you find your bundt cake?"
- Northerly Island
-- Submitted by Laura |
| posted by Ziggy @ 4:10 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Good comeback bro. |
Guy: "So you think because you know Olympians, you're better than me? They probably aren't even gold medalists!"
- Wrigley Field
-- Submitted by Waddie |
| posted by Ziggy @ 4:08 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Thursday, July 10, 2008 |
| Which creates quite a loop. |
Girl #1: "He makes me uncomfortable."
Girl #2: "Great. That means you're going to sleep with him."
- Accenture
-- Submitted by Hector |
| posted by Ziggy @ 12:24 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Politicians do it all the time. |
Girl: (on cell) "You should definitely wear a tie. Because you'll look like you know what you're doing. But you don't! So lie. How hard is that?"
- Blue Line
-- Submitted by Rhea |
| posted by Ziggy @ 12:21 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Isn't that all guys, really? |
Guy #1: "Which one is Charlie?"
Guy #2: "The guy who's walking like he's a caveman."
Guy #1: "There's 50 dude's around here. How am I supposed to pick him out?"
Guy #2: "Because he's all caveman-like."
- Pompei restaurant, UIC
-- Submitted by Tran |
| posted by Ziggy @ 12:19 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Wednesday, July 09, 2008 |
| Probably. |
Woman: "Hey! Jew Boo!"
Man: "Are you using that as a pet name or are you saying Jews are scary?"
Woman: "Uhm. Scary."
Man: "So you fear Jesus?"
- South Loop
-- Submitted by Giyna |
| posted by Ziggy @ 2:48 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| I'm sure she'd be very happy with that. |
Guy #1: "Well, would you marry her?"
Guy #2: "Temporarily."
- Michigan Ave
-- Submitted by Rider |
| posted by Ziggy @ 2:41 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Must be some connection. |
Guy: (on cell) "Dude! I'm so glad you called. I was playing this game last night where these ants were pissing acid and I immediately thought of you!"
- Red Line
-- Submitted by Jake |
| posted by Ziggy @ 2:38 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Tuesday, July 08, 2008 |
| Perv. |
Guy: "What are you, five feet tall?"
Girl: "No way. Five two. I take all the inches I can get."
Guy: "I bet you do."
Girl: "Easy buddy. I've seen you. You're not impressive."
- Yellow Line
-- Submitted by Chair. |
| posted by Ziggy @ 12:21 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Another notch in love's popularity belt. |
Woman: "I've been married to him for ten years, but we've been together for almost 15."
Man: "That's cool. Commitment is pretty hard."
Woman: "Especially when the guy sucks the youth out of you. That makes it super hard."
- South Loop
-- Submitted by Candy |
| posted by Ziggy @ 12:18 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| So she's normally abnormal. Kinda. |
Guy: "You have issues."
Girl: "I know, right?"
Guy: "Not like bad ones. Just nutty ones."
- Lakeview
-- Submitted by Dizzy |
| posted by Ziggy @ 12:14 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Monday, July 07, 2008 |
| So can choosers be beggars? |
Girl #1: "...I just don't understand the saying 'beggars can't be choosers.'"
Girl #2: "Well. That means if you're begging, you're not in a position to choose what you get."
Girl #1: "Yeah. But if I'm begging you for a mirror and you give me a sink, I can choose something else, right?"
- Belmont Harbor bathrooms
-- Submitted by Theresa |
| posted by Ziggy @ 4:33 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Sign me up. |
Girl #1: "...Competitive eating is TOO a sport!"
Girl #2: "No it isn't! How is it a sport!?"
Girl #1: "Because there's a time limit imposed, there's physicality, and you're competing against other people to be the best!"
Girl #2: "Physicality?! Pooping is physical. I'm going to start competitive pooping."
Girl #1: "How the fuck are you going to make that acompetitive?"
Girl #2: "Whoever poops the most in 5 minutes wins."
Girl #1: "Awesome."
- Lawrence Red Line Stop
-- Submitted by Spinner |
| posted by Ziggy @ 4:27 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| You stay classy. |
Guy: "I like to think of myself as classy trash."
- Montrose Brown Line Stop
-- Submitted by Iheardthat |
| posted by Ziggy @ 3:56 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Thursday, July 03, 2008 |
| The good news: You're already at his place! |
(Girl running to train)
Homeless Guy: "Hey. You know it's going to rain?"
Girl: "Yeah, I know."
Homeless Guy: "Best you get inside. Rain melts sugar."
- Mag Mile
-- Submitted by Sweet as Sugar
(Have a safe and happy 4th of July. Please, please, please: Don't drink and drive.)
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| posted by Ziggy @ 1:23 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Too many of those to the head. |
Guy #1: "It's pitch black outside."
Guy #2: "How come it's never "pitch blue" outside?"
Guy #3: "Or pitch fastball."
- Union Station
-- Submitted by Jay |
| posted by Ziggy @ 1:22 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| You know your husband is gay when... |
Girl: (on cell) "...and when I got there, he was shirtless, drunk, and had a pride t-shirt around his waist. I wanted to ask him what he was doing when he started kissing another guy. Hell yes I'm getting divorced!"
- Millenium Park
-- Submitted by Missy |
| posted by Ziggy @ 1:18 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Wednesday, July 02, 2008 |
| I think you'd know if it was a bear. |
Woman: "You have to go to the doctor!"
Man: "I'll go if you promise he won't look up my rear."
Woman: "I can't promise that."
Man: "Then we don't have a deal. I don't care if I have a bear living in there, I'm not going."
- Metra Milwaukee District North Line
-- Submitted by Train Rider |
| posted by Ziggy @ 4:55 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| No one date him. Ever. |
Guy #1: "...and the butterfly landed on me. I asked if I could take it home, but they said no. Something about it being endangered or something."
Guy #2: "That's when you tell them that it's either yours or nobodies and you smash it between your hands."
- Lincoln Park Zoo
-- Submitted by Red |
| posted by Ziggy @ 4:53 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Must have been the wrong color. |
Guy: (After biker fell on his car) "You're coming with me! You're coming with me to the police station!"
Biker: "It's not like that LeBaron is getting you mad pussy, dude."
- Critical Mass
-- Submitted by Michi The Killer |
| posted by Ziggy @ 4:52 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| Tuesday, July 01, 2008 |
| That's copyrighted. Oh. She's crazy. |
(Woman, after she sings her rendition of "Hello Dolly')
Woman: "There is no reason a bus should be re-routed because of a parade! I had to walk really far and I'm handicapped! I am protected by the constitution and it says handicapped people have rights! AMEN!"
Guy: "Do you know any 'Mamma Mia?'"
- Clark Bus after the Pride Parade
-- Submitted by Apeface |
| posted by Ziggy @ 1:20 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| It's a daily occurence. |
Guy #1: "There he is! There!!"
Guy #2: "Where? I don't see him!"
Girl: "He's there in the thong!"
Guy #2: "The pink thong or the blue one! There's too many thongs too work through! I can't keep up!"
- Pride Parade
-- Submitted by Lynn |
| posted by Ziggy @ 1:18 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| What's the difference? |
Guy: "There's gay and then there's totally gay. You're totally gay."
- Pride Parade
-- Submitted by Kleener |
| posted by Ziggy @ 1:16 PM Del.icio.us Digg it! |
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| About Me |
Name: Ziggy
Home: Morton Grove, Illinois, United States
About Me:
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